Sunday, July 4, 2010

Holy Rollercoaster Batman!

I keep thinking that emotionally I am ready for the IVF, and then I freak out. I have come so close to bailing and saying "no more" this week. Part of that is because I have been so sick and am really dreading what the Lu.pron is going to do to me if I am already having so many side effects.

I woke up today not feeling like total shit, so I'm enjoying that. DH and I talked yesterday, and if I get really sick, he's going to pull the plug. I want to thank you all for your wonderful support as the day draws nearer....I think a lot of it is just anticipation. At least I hope it is. And knowing that this is it. If this doesn't work, it's over.

I used to see myself as this strong I'm not so sure. Maybe it's the culmination of everything we've been through in the less than 2 years we've been married. But I no longer have faith in myself....and so I second-guess everything. And no one can make the decision for me. Even DH can only give me his's my body going through this hell. I give MASSIVE props to you ladies who have done this repeatedly and have not lost hope in your quest. You truly are stronger than I. I couldn't do it. I don't think. Then again, I didn't think I would make it this far, so maybe there is strength into which I just haven't tapped yet.

I really just don't know. Anything. At all. Anymore. T-minus 5 days....I'm just going to breathe in and out, and take each minute as it comes this week.


  1. You are stronger than you think! All of us IF'ers are. You can definitely do this and will emerge on the other side, whatever the outcome, you will be better. I'm counting down also...T-minus 4 days till beta.

    See you on the other side.

  2. I think it's totally normal to feel this way before this next step. I am in the same shoes. I think you just need to give yourself some time to let it sink in, and then you will get excited. That is what I am hoping for;)
    Cheering for you, Girl!!!

  3. I wanted to stop by & tell you how much your incredibly kind words have meant to me this past week, we truly have felt carried by the kindness of so many...thank you for being a part of that. One thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that you don't really know how strong you are...I never would have thought I could withstand all that has happened to us in the past year, but now I know that I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible. Have faith in yourself my friend, you have more strength in you than you can possibly know!

  4. Hope the lupron goes smooth. Fingers crossed!

  5. You are strong. Strong for acknowledging your fears. You can do this, I know it!

  6. You can do it!! And honestly, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger! And miracles DO happen, for realz!!


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