I keep thinking that emotionally I am ready for the IVF, and then I freak out. I have come so close to bailing and saying "no more" this week. Part of that is because I have been so sick and am really dreading what the Lu.pron is going to do to me if I am already having so many side effects.
I woke up today not feeling like total shit, so I'm enjoying that. DH and I talked yesterday, and if I get really sick, he's going to pull the plug. I want to thank you all for your wonderful support as the day draws nearer....I think a lot of it is just anticipation. At least I hope it is. And knowing that this is it. If this doesn't work, it's over.
I used to see myself as this strong woman....now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's the culmination of everything we've been through in the less than 2 years we've been married. But I no longer have faith in myself....and so I second-guess everything. And no one can make the decision for me. Even DH can only give me his input...it's my body going through this hell. I give MASSIVE props to you ladies who have done this repeatedly and have not lost hope in your quest. You truly are stronger than I. I couldn't do it. I don't think. Then again, I didn't think I would make it this far, so maybe there is strength into which I just haven't tapped yet.
I really just don't know. Anything. At all. Anymore. T-minus 5 days....I'm just going to breathe in and out, and take each minute as it comes this week.