Wednesday, February 29, 2012

PYHO: I Am Not Super Human. Or A Genius.

Interestingly, my dear friend Di posted something similar to this the other day, just when I was considering it myself.  Great minds, I tell ya.

When my sister (or others) find themselves facing an injury...they call me.  Or text me.  Or what-have-you.  Because I am accident prone, and chances are, I've done it or know what it could be.  So, should you be dealing with an unknown pain, I am your person.  A dubious honor.  At best.  But, given my prowess at self-diagnosis, perhaps an accurate honor. 

Have random ingredients in your cupboards/fridge/freezer and need ideas?  Call.  Text.  You get the idea.  Because I am the motherfucking QUEEN of random meals.  I will accept this not-as-dubious honor.  But really, I do have REAL culinary skills. I just don't have the money to practice them.  Confession: many things I try come from seeing a recipe somewhere and rigging it to be the way I want.  Or going with gut instinct.  I promise, I really don't have original ideas much.

I had a rough pregnancy.  That I loved every minute of.  But rough nonetheless.  This apparently makes me a pregnancy expert.  My smile remaining in place through 6+ months of puking, etc, apparently also makes me tough.  I have had (fertile) women tell me that if they'd gone through that sort of morning sickness that kids 2-x would never have happened.  Must be a nice luxury.  I am not tough.  No more than any other woman.  I am not super human.  I simply adored the miracle inside me, and suffering for that child, well, that's what parenthood is about, right? 

Related: being open about Infertility, rough pregnancies, making baby food, horrid breast feeding troubles...etc etc etc - these all make me an EXPERT.  I assure you.  I am not.  I am bungling through most of these things with the rest of you.  I just share.  A lot.  Sometimes a little too much. 

But, I have to say...the confidence these women (and occasionally men) show in me humbles me.  And if only they realized how often I turn to YOU, the other super human geniuses in my life for support, help, ideas...That's what makes us Super Human.  Or Genius.  Or Expert.  We ask, and let ourselves be asked.  We keep the communication open. 

So maybe I am those things.  Maybe we all are.  If we allow ourselves to be.  If we open ourselves up to BE that for someone else.  Perception is a huge thing.  We can be what people perceive, if we choose.  I think that this applies not only to the negative perceptions (fine, that's what they think I am?  I'll just be that then.), but to the positive. 

So accept the compliments.  Recognize the honor behind the questions or statements.  BE Super Human.  BE a Genius.  BE the Expert.  Be YOU.  If that's who you are.

Today I am pouring my heart out with Shel over at Things I Can't Say.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Okay, Body, You Win: Part Deux (or no deux....)

Thursday, a few hours after writing this post, I nearly passed out at work.  I was shaking like a leaf on a windy day.  I could barely stand up.  Driving was not an option.  So, with help from some friends at work, I was bustled off to the ER.  It seems that several weeks of intestinal pyrotechnics had left me rather dehydrated.  Because you know, I like spending what was a GORGEOUS day inside a hospital with IV fluids being administered.

And just because it is my life, Hubby came to be with me, and he came down with a 24 hour stomach bug.  So we left before I was really finished being liquidated because he was out in the parking lot vomiting, poor guy.  This weekend was the first time in a very long time that he and I have been in bed all night together.  It was nice :-)  Minus the feeling like shit part.

Friday I gave in and went to the doctor.  I get to poop in a "hat" and take in samples to make sure it isn't a bacterial thing.  But he agreed that it is most likely IBS.  He gave me a script for Levisin which I have yet to try.  But I'm hoping it helps with the gas n stuff.  I wil be living on bland food, no meat or dairy, etc, until I am back up to speed.  And drinking a lot of Gatorade.

In a funny twist, though, since Thursday, my pyrotechnics have stopped.  Completely.  As in we have now gone in the other direction.  Apparently my butt is boycotting the acid poo.  But not the gas.  Or bloating.  Or nausea.  It's like being pregnant all over again!  But...without the actual pregnancy.  So booooooo.

Thank you to EVERYONE for your support.  I know once stressors are lifted things should improve.  They did last time I went through this.  Mama needs a break.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Okay, Body. You Win.

I probably should go to the doctor.  But really, I self-diagnose so well, why bother?  Usually I go in, say "I'm pretty sure this is the issue, can you verify?"  And Doc says, "Yup, looks like it." and gives me whatever is needed.  In this case, everything needed can be handled by me.  So WHY BOTHER.  I suppose so I could get FMLA time.  But whatever.  I think I can fix it.

What am I talking about?  Oh, just a little thing called IBS.  Not Itchy Booty Syndrome.  Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  I am fairly certain it is stress-induced.  Based on history.  For the last few weeks, it seemed that dairy was triggering attacks, so I got rid of it.  Yes, I had boxed Mac N Cheese last night, but really?  That doesn't count.  But I also had meat.  And things as mild as things on the BRAT diet have been giving me issues.

Which is fun when you work in a call center.  And are glued to a computer and headset except for pre-scheduled, very regulated breaks.  Well, screw that.  I log out and go.  What are you gonna do, right?  My compliance to schedule is crap on those days, but OH FUCKING WELL. 

Ugh.  I am afraid to eat, y'all.  And seeing as there is no way Hubby is going to go vegan, I have to really be creative when shopping now.  On our crap budget.  But I have to give it a shot, because my system seems to be so damn sensitive.  And really?  Going to the doctor could result in a colonoscopy.  No thanks.  I don't have to have one until age 50, so I'm gonna wait.  If I can get this under control, awesome.

I have been vegan before.  But never when trying to cook for a family.  On a tight budget.  I see a large quantity of rice and beans in my future.  Good thing I like them. 

Please, chime in.  Have any of you tried diet changes when faced with this?  Things that helped?  Please share.  I miss food.  And I am tired of communing with the toilet. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Green Eyed Lady

Frog and Pixie welcomed Baby #2, C, a little boy who looks just like his daddy, into the world yesterday early morning.  On P's 11-month birthday.

I swear I was going to go to the hospital yesterday to meet and hold him.  I swear I am so happy for them. 

But I am fairly certain that I am exuding the color green, from my irises to the tips of my hair and that it is shining out of my toes.  These are the time I know I am A: Not done, and B: Not cured.  For the record, I WANT to hold that baby.  Oh, do I want to hold that baby.  But...I dread the emotions that will come with it.  The aching in my uterus.  The pain in my chest. 

But, I shall go.  I shall congratulate and fawn and cuddle.  And then I will g home and cry and drink and sleep. 

And consider how I look in the color green.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Cultural Abnormality

A friend said to me this morning, "You need to get laid." 

I said, "I'm trying!"

His reply, "Oh, back to your old ways then?"

Here's the thing.  I never really LEFT my "old ways."  I had a child.  I am on medication.  I have been exhausted and had NO sex drive.  Things are waking up though, for sure.  The part of me that loves sex hadn't gone away, it was slumbering.  Understandably so.

About 5 years ago when I caved and went to see a psychiatrist in order to try and save my first marriage, and my possible bipolar disease was being discussed, one of the things asked was about whether I have periods of hypersexuality.  By our culture's standards?  Yes.  No doubt about it.  By other cultures?  It would depend.  Some things have changed about my behaviors, though.  I no longer get drunk and stupid and sleep with just anyone.  Any sexual liaisons are planned, with people I know and am friends with.  It's a friendly thing.  And it's how I am built.

Polyamory is a valid sexual identification.  But in this culture?  Not so much.  Not for many.  Swingers, people with open marriages, etc...we are seen as being on the fringe of acceptable culture.  But the spectrum of sexuality is broad.  Do most people understand me?  No.  Do some think my behavior is wrong?  Absolutely.  Do I sometimes wonder if I have some addiction or something?  Yes.  But then I remember my studies on other cultures.  My knowledge of biology.  I am who I am.  I like sex.  I like it with different people.  It does NOT rule my life. 

Maybe it is related to me being bipolar.  Who knows.  At the same time, I am not being defensive.  Just really, really curious.  I know the feeling range from it being WRONG because we are married.  Or, you know, just WRONG in general for some people.  As I said, I firmly believe that I fall comfortably within the range of sexual identities expressesd around the world. 

Remind me to stay off Dr. Google, who convinces me I have some sort of psychosis. 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

10 On Tuesday: Chaos Reigns

  1. I am so behind on reading and catching up with you all it is pathetic.  I am sooooo sorry.  I do love you.  I really do.  But I have either been in pain or wanting to play with my son when I get home.  Because he is hysterical.
  2. My back pain is under control!!  Poor man's solution: massage chair at work and a great stretch I found.  Good thing because I nearly went to the ER last week for it!
  3. House needs to be rewired.  We asked the seller for money to fix it.  Cross your fingers.  We will hear Friday or so whether they accept our request or not.  Luckily Frog and his brother do the electrician thing.  But there will be no gaming for Hubby until it's completed.  Teehee. 
  4. Addendum to Monday: my car is dead.  DOA.  We have been wondering about my coolant and oil issues for a while.  Last night Hubby realized the two fluids are getting it on, playing swapsies.  What does this mean?  Blown Head Gasket.  Awesome timing car, thanks.  Sigh.
  5. Hubby's part time job is hopefully starting tomorrow.  A full-time one is on the horizon...which is problematic with the whole car thing...Sigh.
  6. P is gaining skills sooooo quickly!  Besides the rolling he began spinning on his belly to change direction.  Last week, the day after first tooth, he finally figured out army crawling, though he still uses rolling for most movement.  His army crawl looks like an inchworm moving, LOL. He now throws temper tantrums for items dropped, out of reach, or taken away.  Complete with hands banging on whatever is available.  It's hard not to laugh.
  7. Packing is...well, not so great.  I really need to get on that.  There is a lot that cannot be packed until closer to the move date, but a lot that can be.  I just am a lazy bum.  And I fear the sale not happening.  But either way, we are out.  So realistically, I have to buck up and JUST DO IT.  I hate packing. 
  8. Lowes is EVIL.  I went in to price the parts needed for rewiring the house.  I came out with the house redesigned.  Flooring, the counters in the kitchen.  Paint chips.  Information for paint finishes (crackle paint anyone???)  Oh...It was bad.  I completely forgot about fencing!  But I could have spent hours there making plans.  Note: if you are a new homeowner, leave your wallet in the car.  Thankfully, I know we have no money and resisted.  But can you say terracotta and glass counters/backsplash with crackle paint cabinets??  Oh, yes, you can!
  9. I meant to post this yesterday.  You know, on TUESDAY, but I got home and well....that didn't happen.  P is very clingy when I get home usually.  Which is another reason for #1. 
  10. Our streak of luck has seemingly ended.  Please please please let one of these jobs pan out for Hubby.  Please.
The good news is that it isn't actually Tuesday anymore!  Which puts us one more day closer to the weekend.  Sorry if I confused you.  Tee hee.

Monday, February 13, 2012

When You Should Really Take A Hint

You know those days where you really should take the FIRST hint that staying in bed is the best idea?  No?  Well, let me enlighten you.

After a blissful 4.5 hours of sleep last night, my alarm clock  bladder went off.  I crawled back into bed, and on cue P got fussy.  After an hour, I was finally attempting to drift back to sleep...right into a nightmare of epic proportions.  Thewake-up-drenched-in-cold-sweat kind of nightmare.  And I couldn't shake it.

When my actual alarm went off at 4:30 am, I was in the midst of a panic attack, but I made a good try at getting up and ready for work.  Even managed to take the dog out, feed all the fur babies, and start the car.  10 minutes later I was huddled on the stairs unable to move.  So much for work.  I finally managed to get upstairs and wake Hubby who helped calm me down.  But work was out for a few hours.  I called the boss, and cuddled the baby (who was woken by my freak out).

2 hours later I woke up with, "Hubby!  I left the car on!"  Yup.  For 3 hours.  Let's just say it was nice and toasty for the drive to work.  Where I forgot I had my sunglasses on because normally I drive to work in the dark, so I had to run back to the car to get my normal glasses.

An hour and a half of work later, I discovered that last weeks intestinal pyrotechnics were not merely a fluke. No more milk for me.  But as I was on the phone with a customer at the time, I had to put her on hold, get my boss to grab the line, and run like the wind for the toilet.  I feel bad for the others in there...

My boss sat in my chair apparently, shook her head, and had to get up.  It has now been dubbed "the fart chair."  And it's not my usual.  Sorry person who normally sits there :-(

So, screw work, I went back home.  Swigged some pepto, and slept a couple more hours.

This Monday shit is for the birds.

Sadly, it's MY Tuesday.  Someone forgot to tell the Powers That Be that.

Next time the day starts like that I'm just calling out for the day and declaring Mulligan.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The One Where I Find A Tooth

Mark this date.

Feb 9, 2012.  First tooth.

How we had no idea he was teething is miraculous to me.  He has been his usual chipper self with the now occasional temper tantrum when something is taken away from him or he drops it.  The past few nights were a little more restless than recently, but given his sleep history, nothing strange.  I have been feeling his gums for weeks.  This afternoon I did my usual check and much to my surprise I felt something!  Holy Shit!  We have a tooth.  Bottom right (his, not yours).

My kid is so amazeballs that we didn't even know we were expecting teeth.  I have a great kid.

It's all downhill change city from here on out!

Guess I have to stop calling him "Toothless" now, huh?  Bummer...I liked that nickname.  

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Evil Websites

I keep hearing about Pinterest.  I refuse to join.  Hell, I can't find time to comment on the 200+ blogs I read, why do something else that is addictive?  I can't finish the projects I start now!  So, I'm boycotting it.  LOL.  I don't need more ideas that will never come to fruition.

Caveat:  Helene, that evil wench sent me a link to  Apparently it is like Pinterest, only specifically for interior design.  Like I said, she is an evil wench.*  I have been struggling with deciding how I want to paint/decorate each room.  You know, with all my leftover fundage.  *sarcasm*  I have 8 million ideas, but can't condense them into a cohesive theme.  So on this, I am making progress :-)  It will be a while coming, but I am going to have an amazing finished house!

The downfall to this site is that it makes me drool.  That's messy at work.  I think I liked one bedroom photo just because I want a view like that out of my windows.  It would be awesome if there were photos of ho-hum houses like 99% of us live in.  You know...weird long rooms with basic walls and ceilings in suburbia who don't have thousands to spend on renovations.  But hey, I can still steal ideas!

You have been warned.  Enter that site at your own risk.  I'm just sayin'. 

In the quest of said house, today begins the mortgage inquisition.  Eep!

*I of course am joking.  I'm sure she knows this, but thought perhaps I should clarify.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Excitement, Gratitude, Fear

We are quite excited to announce that A: Thanks to some dear friends and family, we have raised the funds necessary to make it through closing, which B: will be on March 16, assuming that C: we actually make it all the way through to closing and get the full apprval for the mortgage because D: the offer was accepted.  As my realtor said:

"They accepted your offer.  It looks like you are buying a house!!!!"

Holy shit.  That is my response.

Thank you all so much for your input, support, and help (and really, not just on guys always give me great advice!).  Keep those fingers crossed...still have a hurdle in front of us!

Now I'm all into looking up how to put up a fence, what kind of fence we want, being shocked at the cost of said fence, and being excited that we have these things to consider.  And paint.  OMG, paint.  I am researching faux finishes, and considering colors.  And how to refinish hardwood floors.  I am so excited.  Excited to not feel terrible about drilling a hole in the wall.  Excited to PAINT THE WALLS!  Excited to no longer have roommates.  Seriously.  Done with that!

Oh, wow...March is turning into a big month for us.  Closing on the house on the 16th, moving on the 17th (St. Patty's day and our 5 year Dateiversary), and P's 1st birthday on the 20th!  I see drunk movers...EEP!  Last time we moved it turned into an all night party...oh, boy was that next day rough, LOL. 

You guys, we are BUYING A HOUSE!  What????  Wow....

Why does this feel more adult that having a child?  Whatever the reason, I have not been this stressed out since IVF 2 years ago.  Not quite 2 years ago. 

Keep sending those well wishes our way! 

And just in case you missed last week's post, here is our house-to-be!  Check out that kitchen!!!!  Woot!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Shameless Plug - Help A Girl Out

So...March is looking to become a very big month in our life.  It's the month we began dating.  It's the month our son was born.  It will (knock on all those beautiful wood cabinets) also be the month we purchase a house.

Yup.  The offer is in. 

Now, we have 6 weeks to come up with $2000 more for closing and what not.  Ummm, yeah.  Nothing like pulling cash out of your hoo-ha.  My settlement is taking FOREVER.  I mean, maybe it will show up on time.  But I can't count on it. 

Please forgive me, ads will be showing up on here very shortly.  I gotta do something.  And, it seems, I am not above begging.  My mom, dad, sister, and MIL have contributed.  Next up are my step-mom and Hubby's brothers.  Desperate times, man.  We even pulled a loan from my 401K.  We owe money to taxes, so filing this year, anything extra goes to the fed.  Sigh. 

Which leads me to the shameless plug.  The reason we have to beg borrow money is that my settlement is S L O W L Y being processed.  We can pay it all back as soon as we receive it.  If ANY of you think you can spare a little, I would be ever so grateful to you for your assistance.  We all would.  If this falls through, well, we lose our animals and have to move in with my mom 45 minutes from our jobs.  Yup, I am shameless.  I have looked to you all for support before.  Now I am looking to you for a little temporary financial support so that we can move into a house and save ourselves some money. 

I know know know that this is a crap time for a lot of us.  I get that.  Still asking.  If you can, awesome.  If you can't, no worries.  Email me :-)