Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Happy Birthday, P

I'm not sure where the time has gone, but my little tiny baby is all of a sudden 2 years old today.  How did this happen?

Baby boy, you amaze me every day.  Language acquisition is a joy...and a frustration as I try to figure out what a word is since it very rarely is correctly pronounced.  But there are new ones every day.  I have to say, I'm not a fan of "want" but I'm guessing it's good you can at least verbalize that.  You may have walked late, but you took no time in transitioning that to running and you have no fear.  None.  You take off after strangers because they interest you.  You climb, jump off of things, and run headlong into walls, corners, name it.  There aren't many days that go by that you don't acquire new bruises on your legs, arms, HEAD, and last week you got your first black eye.  It took me 27 years to do that!  You greet me when I come home as though you haven't seen me in days.  You spend time every day giving me hugs around the neck that make me melt.  And you infuriate me just as often by throwing, hitting, and otherwise being destructive.  You've been balls to the wall from day 1 my little guy, and I know you will continue to keep me on my toes.  Soon you'll be a big brother, and I can't wait to see how you handle that, and how you teach your brother to be like you.  I am so lucky to be your mom.  I love you.

You, in retrospect!

You are one of these gorgeous embryos!

Less than a day old - gorgeous right off the bat.

You got so chubby!!!  So. Chubby. 6 months old.

12 months old!  

18 months old - hair, slimmed down from finally walking.  

Your 2nd birthday celebration last weekend - you thought the cake was so beautiful .  You didn't even want to touch it.

First time I've seen a kid try to hug a cake.  

Nana took the cake to cut it.  You were very upset.

Who needs cake when you have gumdrops and candles.  
Happy Birthday my gorgeous boy.  You are so loved.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Uncharted Territory

Monday marked 26w6d into this pregnancy.  The point at which I went into labor initially with P.  It's a milestone for which I've been holding my breath.  I've been able to take it so much easier this pregnancy being a SAHM in a tiny apartment.  Sadly, this means I am also woefully out of shape.  BUT!  Here I am, 27w1d and no labor!  I am so excited!

2 years ago with P I was in the hospital working on calming down my uterus.  Now?  I lift my 30lb almost 2 year old (next week WHAT???) on a regular basis and have only occasional BH cx.  Which, by the way, are totally different than I thought since last time they were REGULAR LABOR CONTRACTIONS.  Mostly occur if I REALLY need to pee.

It's amazing how different this pregnancy has been.  My mom has a theory that P had to fight to be conceived, fight to stay in, then fight to come out, and that has shaped him into quite the fiesty little boy.  This time, it all just HAPPENED.  And the pregnancy has been complication free.

Don't get me wrong...there are still moments.  But I have little to no heartburn.  Morning sickness was minimal.  Simply amazing.  If I didn't already know that boy #2 was in there I would swear this is a girl.  Same?  This kiddo has himself firmly wedged under the right side of my ribcage, and got there much earlier this time.  Holy moly it is painful.  I also got much bigger much faster, some of which I attribute to being at near-delivery weight from the last go 'round.  Ugh.  Meds plus baby weight?  I've got my work cut out for me after this guy comes.

This is 26w0d with P.  I popped a 2nd time about 2 weeks after this. I was 40lbs lighter than I am this time around.

This is 26w3d with F.  I am noticeably bigger.  And boy am I feeling it.  Just in the last couple days I have had a more difficult time moving around, getting up from sitting, and let me tell you, wiping my ass after pooping is getting quite difficult.  I look as big as I did when I delivered P at 35w1d.  I'm going to get huge, obviously.

Because of my history I start weekly NSTs next week.  I will get in 4 of them before it's time for me to be leavin' on a jet plane with Mr. P for Texas.  So, dear body, please continue to cooperate.

I still don't believe I will make it full term.  I'm not trying to jinx myself, rather just don't want to be disappointed.  Anything past 35w I will consider a bonus :-)

90 days left.  90 days.  I feel like I've been pregnant forever.  But I know when I look back on this a year from now I will wonder where the time has gone.  Stay in there kiddo.  I want you fully baked!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

There is sleep regression and then there is SLEEP REGRESSION.

We got rid of our sofa so we could move the bed into the living room so that P would sleep through the night. If we were in the room he would want to be with us.  A few months ago that stopped working.  And he would be in bed with us at some point every night.  Now he refuses to sleep alone.  And since he is  was in a toddler bed, he could get out and come bang on the door and scream.

So now he's back in bed with us.

This is incredibly different than sleeping with an infant.  He tosses, he turns, he sleeps sideways.  I woke up one night with him using my face as a pillow.  Other nights my face is a foot rest.  He also wakes hungry at least once.  And we leak through nighttime diapers because of all the milk.  How we are going to fit in a newborn, too is beyond me.

But this week we have entered a whole new era.  NIGHT TERRORS.  He has nightmares.  He whimpers in his sleep.  Sometimes he talks in his sleep.  But night terrors?  Oh. Em. Gee.  He wakes screaming after 45 minutes of sleep.  Screaming, kicking, crying, thrashing about.  It can take us up to 20 minutes of this joy to wake him in order to get him back to sleep.  It is heart-wrenching and exhausting.

Monday night this happened for 3 or 4 cycles.  It caused me to have panic attacks.  Hubby worked with him.  Tuesday night was only once like that, plus his usual hunger wake up.

Then there was last night.  Hell.

Started winding him down at 8pm.  This process now includes melatonin in his milk.

9:30 pm he finally gave up the phone because it died, cried, and finally fell asleep.

10:30 pm nightmare.  Luckily a quick one, back to sleep within 5 minutes.

11:15 pm I sneezed.  It triggered the night terror.

11:45 pm he finally calmed down a bit.  Hubby wasn't convinced and let him have the tablet.  Not a good idea.

12:15 am I took away the tablet.  He screamed and cried.  Then he built a pillow fort on the bed.

1:00 am we killed all soothing music, anything that could stimulate him.

1:15 am we all were asleep.

:Then he slept for 8 hours straight.  But oh, my god.  Night Terror.  Temper Tantrum.  Sheer refusal to sleep. I have been sick all week.  I was desperate to sleep.

So, he is finally asleep.  45 minutes later I wake up.  Thank you pregnancy insomnia and pregnancy bladder. Again at 3:45.  And 5:15.  and 7 am.  I went back to dozing on and off from 8:30-9:30.

I cannot even remember what a full night's sleep is like.

I have repeatedly told P and my body that I don't need a newborn prep period.  I remember.  I'd rather sleep now while I can.  Apparently this is not to be.  P has been asleep for about half an hour.  Waiting to see if he makes it past the 45 minute mark tonight.  Cross your fingers.  Mama needs the sleep.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Head Em Up Move Em Out

Well, after a very long time tossing around moving out of state, including one epic failure at an attempt to move to Ohio, we are in a place to make it happen.

It has some scary things to overcome, but they would be there now or after baby, except after baby there will be a BABY and a toddler.  So, before it is.  Those things are insurance, and related, medications.  My case manager is trying to find out some information for me on that stuff.  And we're squeezing in what we can before we leave.

The good news is that at this point no contractions, not really even BH.  So that is reassuring.  The current OB wants weekly NSTs starting at 28 weeks - looks like I will squeeze 2 in.

Because we are outta here by mid April at the latest.  30 weeks pregnant.  Eep.  My mother's response was "I don't approve."  Shocker.

The best part?  I am not bothered by it!  So I guess therapy is doing a little bit of good!  I don't need her approval nor am I disappointed by not receiving it!  I do feel guilty about taking her grandchildren away, but hell, Hubby's family has never met P except on Skype and via pictures, so she can get over it.  We need the change.  We can't do this tiny apartment anymore.  The lack of job opportunities.  We won't survive it with a newborn in the picture, too.

Where are we headed?

Wait for it...

Because it's kinda funny given who I am...


Go ahead, laugh.  It's funny.

But hear me out.  Texas has a lower cost of living.  My child who hates clothes will be appropriately attired now.  The job market is actually growing there. We have friends with whom we are going to house share - meaning they can do some legwork before we actually get there.  My friend already has a circle of friends with whom we will blend quite nicely.  We need that.  We need something other than doctors and one room.    We need to make something happen.  Because seriously, this last year can suck it.  It's time to take some control.  We are languishing here.

So...sometime in a month-ish we are packing up our crap with movers, piling 2 adults, a toddler, 2 cats, and a dog, and moving 1500 miles away.  While I'm pregnant.  LOL.  In for a penny, in for a pound, right?