Thursday, July 15, 2010

Blame It On The Hormones

Hi, my name is Genevieve. I'm struggling with infertility, and I'm really hormonal.

Hi, Genevieve!

I went off the deep end last night. I've been all proud of myself for handling this cycle really well, and for keeping calm and not letting things upset me. Hmmmm....and the sad thing? The people I got out of my life for the very reason that they are not healthy are the cause of last night's meltdown.

I'm not going into the big rant....I don't want you to have to read that, but the short version is that Frog and Pixie kicked out the younger brother's girlfriend, Dreamer. She's the one that had the dream about me having a baby boy, remember? She is 17. She has had a shit life, and has nowhere to go. Enter me and DH. So, she's now living with us. That's fine, happy to do it. Glad to know she is safe. Not what caused the meltdown.

What caused the meltdown is knowing that I gave and gave and gave to a couple of people who are manipulative, distrusting, selfish, and downright assholes. (sorry for the language) That I let myself be taken in by someone who would put a 17-year-old out on the street. And on top of that, that this couple is the one that would get lucky in trying to get Pg after 1 cycle of Clo.mid. Who are on the brink of divorce all the time and half the time are apathetic about their child on the way. And I did soooo much for them. And they are assholes. And THEY get to have a baby.

That's why I had a meltdown. Because being a good person means shit. Because, and yes, I'm going there, IT'S NOT FAIR. Oh, man....I cried, I yelled, and then I hid in my room and cried myself to sleep. With guests here for our Wednesday night movie night. DH didn't even come to check on me....he didn't know what to do. And when he came to bed, I started crying all over again.

I blame the hormones. Rational thought has obviously left the building for parts unknown. One last thing that's going to not help: Dreamer has her appointment at Plann.ed Parent.hood I get to go there. Sigh.

What a life I have. I think I'm going to put up that sign that's at the Statue of Liberty. "Give me your hungry, give me your tired, give me your homeless, give me your wanderers..."

p.s. I am now in search of a twin or full bed for cheap....and a couple cheap dressers. I'm going to hit up Craigs List and Freecycle, but if you know of anyone in the PA area who might be getting rid of stuff, let me know!!!


  1. No Sweetie, life is not fair. Not at all. Maybe it is the hormones, or maybe what you needed was a really good cry. I'm glad Dreamer has a safe place to go, and I think you are a compassionate person to bring her into your home.

  2. I think you are easily demonstrating who is the better person here. Good for you.

    As for the fairness thing - life is SO not fair but I like to think it evens out in the end and good people get more good things on balance. I'll tell you when I'm 100 if I'm right! x

  3. I wouldn't blame hormones. It is perfectly natural to feel that way. I would. Life is unfair. I don't understand why a crack whore can have a baby to leave in a dumpster and I can't get pg but that is the way it is. It does suck. Plus, it sucks to look back and see that people in your past are a waste of breath but it happens to everyone. Count your blessings you found out now and not ten years down the road. ((Hugs))

  4. Hormones truly reek havoc with our emotions but, even without the raging hormones, it isn't fair. Lots of {{{hugs}}}.

  5. Awww, I wish I could help. Hang in there lovely lady, you're stronger than you know.

  6. Definitely, DEFINITELY the Clomid!!!! Sounds so familiar. And you're right, it's not fair. Don't try to tell yourself you're wrong about that. We got the raw end of the stick on this one for sure. Hope today is better. Sending you a big hug!

  7. You have such a big heart. Taking in this girl and helping her in her time of need, even when it may be hard on you guys and is definitely during a tough time for you both. I hope today turns out better for you!

  8. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time...I hope things get better for you. I guess we just have to keep on believing that there's a purpose in all of this hell that we're going through. Grrrr.

  9. you know what isn't fair. It just isn't...and whether that is PC or not, screw it...I'm here to tell you it isn't. Not when people who want a baby and go to the ends of the earth and their sanity to have one can't...

    I'm thinking of you,,,I'm here if you need me. xo

  10. Ummm no, that's NOT the hormones. That's you being a compassionate and loving person who even under the haze of some powerful meds can recognize dysfunction in your former friends and made the decision to move away from that. Life is truly unfair like that, and the situation would make me mad as hell if I were in your shoes - with our without hormones. Bless your heart for taking in the 17 year-old - what goes around comes around, and I hope the blessings come your way soon.


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