Hi, my name is Genevieve. I'm struggling with infertility, and I'm really hormonal.
I went off the deep end last night. I've been all proud of myself for handling this cycle really well, and for keeping calm and not letting things upset me. Hmmmm....and the sad thing? The people I got out of my life for the very reason that they are not healthy are the cause of last night's meltdown.
I'm not going into the big rant....I don't want you to have to read that, but the short version is that Frog and Pixie kicked out the younger brother's girlfriend, Dreamer. She's the one that had the dream about me having a baby boy, remember? She is 17. She has had a shit life, and has nowhere to go. Enter me and DH. So, she's now living with us. That's fine, happy to do it. Glad to know she is safe. Not what caused the meltdown.
What caused the meltdown is knowing that I gave and gave and gave to a couple of people who are manipulative, distrusting, selfish, and downright assholes. (sorry for the language) That I let myself be taken in by someone who would put a 17-year-old out on the street. And on top of that, that this couple is the one that would get lucky in trying to get Pg after 1 cycle of Clo.mid. Who are on the brink of divorce all the time and half the time are apathetic about their child on the way. And I did soooo much for them. And they are assholes. And THEY get to have a baby.
That's why I had a meltdown. Because being a good person means shit. Because, and yes, I'm going there, IT'S NOT FAIR. Oh, man....I cried, I yelled, and then I hid in my room and cried myself to sleep. With guests here for our Wednesday night movie night. DH didn't even come to check on me....he didn't know what to do. And when he came to bed, I started crying all over again.
I blame the hormones. Rational thought has obviously left the building for parts unknown. One last thing that's going to not help: Dreamer has her appointment at Plann.ed Parent.hood today....so I get to go there. Sigh.
What a life I have. I think I'm going to put up that sign that's at the Statue of Liberty. "Give me your hungry, give me your tired, give me your homeless, give me your wanderers..."
p.s. I am now in search of a twin or full bed for cheap....and a couple cheap dressers. I'm going to hit up Craigs List and Freecycle, but if you know of anyone in the PA area who might be getting rid of stuff, let me know!!!