A Fly on the Wall of My Brain

Before I get started...the link I posted yesterday to the 100 Ways seems to have died. I even googled it...No luck. Sorry gang!


999 Reasons To Laugh did a post recently about the inner thoughts of the infertile. And as I lay in bed waiting for sleep at night, I think, "Wow....if only people could hear the random stuff in my head!!!" So, I hereby invite you to be a fly on the wall of my head...



In the last week, the following thoughts have gone through my head:

• "If my BBS are this sore from BCP, how am I going to tell if they are sore because I'm KU vs. just PMS????"
• "Must remember to order the sperm."
• "Do everyone's ovaries hurt during suppression?"
• "What the heck am I going to wear when my belly gets even more sore from the injections? Dresses? Hmmm, no, because holding up all that material while trying to do the injection is just not easy...Ummm, leggings it is, I guess."
• "My god, I really want some Chinese food, like NOW!!!"
• "Holy crap, the cravings are insane....is this what being KU is like?"
• "What am I going to name the embies? Am I going to name them. I should wait. Name them only if they stick....but I name EVERYTHING! Ack!"
• "Stop counting your chickens before they hatch, woman!"
• "AAAAAH. I'm a crazy woman!"
• "Wait, didn't they say NOT to use heat? And I've been using a heating pad to calm down Ig and Ook? I'm in suppression...not stims. It should be okay. Maybe I should call the nurse just in case...."
• "Lu.pron, needles...I hate you."
• "Don't forget the ice pack again today, idiot."
• "Wheatgrass, check. Pomegranate juice, check. Lu.pron and needles, check. Lunch, check. Vitamins, check. Ice pack, check. Okay, I can leave the house now."
• "I'm not going to POAS, I'm not going to POAS, I'm not going to POAS..." (This is to get myself prepared for a month from now...)

Sound familiar ladies? Oddly, I'm NOT freaking out....it just sounds like that in my brain. Hope that brought back some "fond" memories for you!

I also want to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart for your support yesterday....I was a little wigged out. Had THE TALK about it with the 'rents while we were eating dinner there last night. Here's how it went:

Mom: "So, you're not coming to the shower at all?"

Me: "Ummm, no..."

Stepdad: "Can I ask why?"

Me: "Do you really want to know the answer to that?"

Stepdad: "Only if it doesn't piss me off." (???? I'm supposed to know this ahead of time??? Fuck that, I'm telling you!)

Me: "If it's after my retrieval, I will be sore, tired, in pain, and people won't want to know it's because I just had a needle stuck up my hoo-ha. If it's before, I won't have the time off of work."

Mom: "Well, couldn't you put in an appearance for an hour or 2?"

Me: "We only have 1 car and DH will be working, so I would have to come with someone else who most likely wants to stay the whole time. Trust me, you don't want me here. I can't handle it. It's supposed to be HER day....I would wreck it."

........C R I C K E T S.........

I paraphrased, but you get the idea. They think my openness in mixed company is a bad thing. I just don't cater to other people's sense of decorum. I kinda think it's bullshit most of the time. If that means I don't attend things, then so be it. I'm not pretending to be something I'm not....that's what my evil job is for. Take me or leave me.

I talked to my mom more about it after dinner...she's more understanding, but I could hear the edge in her voice. She SAYS she gets it...but really, she doesn't. She just doesn't want to fight about it.

Other favorite part of the day? We were discussing the crochet projects we are both doing for the sis....laughed about people asking us to make blankets without having any idea the work involved and that we never get projects for ourselves done because it's been baby central. She said, "No one else is allowed to get pregnant for a while."....Me: "Thanks, mom. Could you not say that again?" Mom: "I didn't mean you!". Ugh....and I'm not PC enough for them. And yes, this is the same woman that bailed us out so we could do treatment, but still....the things they say....

Anywho, enough of that. Thank you, AGAIN!! Hugs, kisses, baby dust....I love you all.