Saturday, July 10, 2010

Child.free vs. Child.less

Someone left the following comment on my blog last night:


"You are not childfree you are childless. Childfree people do not want children and they would not spend money on it."


This is, I assume, in response to my updated "About Me". I have this to say in response...


Do not assume things you may not understand. In the ALI (adoption, loss, infertility) community, childfree is often a decision reached afer a lot of heartbreak. And thus, not something stating that we don't WANT children. Rather, it is a choice to give up treatments, and perhaps for financial reasons, to not pursue adoption. Perhaps the heartbreak has finally outweighed the hope of something working, of something bringing you the family you desire.


I did some reading and understand that outside our community the term has a differnt connotation, but you are visiting OUR community. I don't come and bust your chops in your world.

We are all very well aware that we are CHILDLESS, thus all the pain, torture, and emotional heartbreak we put ourselves through. I certainly didn't need that reminder. To be childfree is an acceptance that perhaps it is not meant to be. That we can't take anymore. It does NOT mean we don't want children. Oh, how it is the complete opposite. I can't even try to explain.


I disabled my comment moderation - meaning that anyone and everyone can comment. But please, if you don't get it, if you don't actually understand, then don't comment. Don't assume something. Do not try to CORRECT me on my own page. If you are going to leave a comment, have the balls/ovaries to leave your name. Comment moderation is going back on.


Have we reached that point? No, but we sure as hell have talked about it, and have come to a sort of acceptance that it might become the choice we have to make...for our sanity, for our health, for US.


Whoever you are, I hope you read this, and next time, leave your name. Put some pride behind your statements, and have the courage to face me for real. If you don't, then back off. I don't need that. I have enough on my plate. WE have enough on our plates. All of us. DH. Me. My friends in this community.

15 comments:

  1. Mornin friend! I read that anonymous comment and I agree with you. It was rude and I'm sorry they left it. You are such a thoughtful, kind person who is always encouraging other bloggers and it was not the kind of comment you deserved ever but especially NOT yesterday! Glad you wrote about it :)

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  2. Wow, what a coward. It shouldn't matter whether you choose to refer to yourselves as childfree or childless--it's YOUR choice, not the choice of some idiot leaving an anonymous comment. I'm sorry. That comment irritated me, so I can only imagine how that annoyed you. Hopefully that person either goes away or has the balls to post under their real name and clarify what he or she mean.

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  3. Ugh. I'm sorry. I disagree with that person's interpretation, too. To me, the word "childfree" has replaced "childless", whether it was a conscious choice or one forced upon someone due to infertility and/or loss. "Free" has a more kind meaning than "less".

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  4. You tell 'em girl...ignorance at its best. I think there are some people who go around and look for things to complain about. I'm sorry that one of those people found you. I'm here for you, and I know that the correct term in our community is Childfree! Besides, the word childless is so...depressing. Geez.

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  5. Thank you for posting this.

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  6. I don't understand why people read blogs that they have no understanding of and no desire to. Unless a blogger is specifically asking for my honest opinion, I don't comment. If don't have anything nice to say, I don't. And I don't read blogs or bloggers I don't like.
    People need to get a fucking life.

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  7. Well said! And for such a hateful comment, you handled it very well!

    I had some girl that didn't like the post I made about some of my ideals on raising children. She found me on Facebook and left a horribly hurtful message, saying I didn't deserve kids if I was going to incorporate rules like "Be seen and not heard"! This little tart (who's profile pic appeared to be herself, half naked) who was much younger than me had the nerve to think she had the right to even comment on the issue... laughable, and I think people like this are quite PATHETIC.

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  8. The "Anon" poster is probably the same one that likes to lurk on our blogs and leave nasty comments. IGNORE it or set your blog to not receive anonymous posts.

    And if Anon has such strong feelings about OUR choices let them write their own damn blog!!

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  9. That comment stings. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

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  10. Ooh, it makes me so mad that someone would say that to you! I mean, maybe outside this community, that's not an incredibly hurtful comment, but that is a VERY important distinction for our infertile tribe, and one I'm so glad you clearly delineated here.

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  11. Um, that is some sort of spam bot thing...because, someone else from IF wrote about the same thing. So, it's someone going around writing mean things.

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  12. So very nice of that anonymous salt-bearer to come "treat" your wound.

    NOT.

    You handled this well.

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  13. That was a really beautiful and well-articulated response to a clueless comment. It's especially insulting to those who have spent the equivalent of buying a car (or even a modest house) in fertility treatments and eventually decided to live childfree.

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Whip me, beat me, take away my charge card. Or just leave a comment. Whichever works best for you :)