Sunday, August 8, 2010

Goddammit

I think I am okay, and then reality blindsides me. Thought I was over the whole Frog and Pixie thing. Until I got to work this morning.

I usually check for his car. So that if I have to avoid him I can. It wasn't there. Told hubby to let Bro know he should check on baby status...sure enough, she's on the way. I cried, and then said not to tell me anything else. And put it aside...until right before the end of the shift. I work with several of his friends. And they got a text about it happening very shortly...which got shown to me. I said I already knew, and then I lost it. And had to leave. With 8 minutes left in the day. Pathetic.

I was supposed to be her godmother. And the labor coach. I helped with the nursery and sorting baby clothes...and now I am nothing and in this shitty wait. And IT SUCKS HAIRY DONKEY BALLS. And I don't care if it is irrational and if I should be over it at this point. I just don't want to hear about it. But Bro lives here...totally unavoidable. Updates nonstop. Fuck my life.

And if ONE MORE GODDAMN PERSON MENTIONS THE SIZE OF MY BOOBS I WILL LOSE IT!!!!

Vent and freak out over. Huge apologies. Gonna go shoot up some progesterone now.

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13 comments:

  1. oh, i'm so sorry. i can't imagine how painful this must be for you. if it helps, i totally think you must be pregnant because your hormones are RAGING! (and something is obviously looking larger in size, but i won't say what because i don't want you to lose it.)

    no apologies needed. go shoot up and know that i'm wishing you a night filled with sound sleep. (hugs)

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  2. Big hugs, rant away that's what we're here for to listen!

    Happy shootin up progesterone I hear it's good shit (totally said sarcastically, tongue in cheek - taking the piss etc).

    Mwah....

    p.s. I have a good feeling...

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  3. were your boobs big before IVF? sorry about everything. I also wanted to thank you for your comments on my blog. :) hang in there just a few more days right?

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  4. That totally sucks, I'm sorry! Mood swings and big boobs however, kind of rocks :)

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  5. Don't apologize! You are way nicer about your rant than I usually am.

    I have recently visited a friend that had a baby in June and it's really really hard... her house is literally plastered with all the pictures from her late pregnancy photo shoot... every single picture of the baby's first photo shoot and one entire side of the fridge is still covered top to bottom with all of the ultra sound pictures. I just want to die when I go over there.

    I don't blame you at all for not wanting to hear anything about this person you know!

    And I am having lots of happy hope for you!!

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  6. I am so sorry that you're going through this, especially during your 2WW. Relationships are so hard, and yours was triply hard because it involved 2 people AND a baby. I hope you are doing okay.

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  7. Oh my gosh sweetie, I am so sorry you are feeling so awful. Don't feel bad for leaving work though. Just take care of yourself. And I'm not saying anything about your boobs!! Can't wait for this 2ww to be up for you....can time go faster please? love xx

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  8. Don't apologize. You are having a rough day and you deserve the chance to vent. Sending you hugs and love. I hope that you are feeling better about things today.

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  9. awe... sorry you had to deal with that! but SOON you will be making your own announcement... I know it! And I agree w/ Circus Prncess - big boobs DO rock! come on end of 2ww & BFP!!! ((hugs))

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  10. what's wrong with big boobs??? LOL

    I'm sorry but I needed to diffuse, it's simply ok to vent and be sad and OMG about this...it really is. You're in the middle of a very emotional 2 weeks, a time when you don't know how this will shake out, you are NOT Pathetic, you are realistic and hurting and anxious and excited too...it's a wonder you can even sit still.

    I can't sit still FOR YOU.

    BIG HUGS,,,,it does suck,..that much I will agree with.

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  11. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this on top of everything else. I think we would all lose it. Don't feel bad - you're acting normal in my opinion. *hugs*

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  12. When people comment on 'my ladies' (boobs) I always reply, "I appreciate you taking the time to stare at them and notice but to go that extra step and bring it to my attention". They stop talking very quickly after that. Hang in there, I'm rooting for you!

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  13. I think I'd be acting much the same way in your situation. You're normal and acting normally, although that probably doesn't really help the situation. Hugs to you, it sounds like it sucks.

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