As I write this, you have just turned 33, and sit amazed at all the last year has brought. You are in your "2ww" for an IVF cycle, the only one you said you would do, and the doctors gave you an excellent chance of success. You have spent a number of the last months on an emotional rollercoaster the likes of which I sincerely hope you do not have to go through again.
I wonder...are you now the mother of a child or 2? Or are you moving on, or perhaps have you just done an FET? Have you found a new job that doesn't make you crazy? Was 33 better to you than 32 was?
There are some things I want you to remember, whatever the outcome was of that 33rd birthday. So, when you read this, try to remember where you were a year ago.
You are beautiful, you are strong, and you are a good person. And while it seemed like it at the time, it's not the first time you've been through some seriously bad times. Granted, it was the worst of those times, but you did what you needed to do to get through it, and don't feel guilty about things you may have done or said. Self-preservation is necessary.
Have you started taking care of yourself as well as you try to care for others? Have you found something to occupy yourself that makes you feel good about yourself? And I really want to know....are you a mother to children you bore of your own body? I really want to know that...
But most of all, I want to know if you are alright, if you are happy, if this past year gave you what you needed, and in some cases, what you wanted. If not, find what makes you happy again, and go do it. Somehow....You are beautiful, you are strong, and you are a good person.