Think of this as the most interesting delurking project you'll ever participate in. After giving back to others at the Celebratory Society, I have decided to participate in it myself. You can understand the project in full by clicking here, but in brief, the Celebratory Society is an online festschrift for a blogger--a way for you to tell me what my blog or actions mean to you. But this isn't about me--this is about you too. And I would love it if you returned to your own blog, started your own Celebratory Society post, added it to the main project list, and gave me the opportunity to tell you about...you. Here is my link to the project:
Celebratory Society Post
I am posting this pic as my first one so as not to terrify you right away. And also to give you the opportunity to realize work is not where you should read this post.
I determined long ago that my issue is NOT the actual BF - it is the pumping. And I wouldn't have to pump if I wasn't working and if maternity leave in this country wasn't so damn lousy.
I am more thankful than you shall know that my dear friend and cycle buddy Nicole is sending me her smaller flanges from PumpinPal. I am PRAYING they help. I have had to stop pumping at home at all, and the right side I don't do every session at work. I just CAN'T. This is NOT helping my supply. Booo.
I completely understand why people give this up. Seriously. Not that I EVER knock anyone for their choice, but let's just say my understanding has reached new levels.
Alright, I spent a lot of time on Dr. Google attempting to find photos of others with DESTROYED nipples from pumping. I couldn't find ANY. None. Nada. Zilch. I know I am not
alone in these struggles, but apparently no one wants to share their misery. I did find a few of cracked nipples from actual BF. It is sooooo not the same.
However, I need to know that I am not being a big baby. And so...I am posting nip pics. Because if I can get other BF women to see this and tell me that yes, it's terrible, I will feel better. My mom cringed. And she breastfed 3 of us. My neighbor cringed. They are ball-shrinking bad (if you are a man). Women, your nips may invert in fear...
This is the good side. Pumping with Medela is not horrid...just scarring, some skin peeling. I had to give up on the Avent for now. It made it worse. I can now nurse on this side without wanting to die or nearly break Hubby's hand squeezing from the pain.
This is Righty. She is ANGRY as you can see by the color. There is no part of my body that has EVER been this color unless operated upon and
scarred. Peanut can barely latch the tissue is so thick. You can see some of the cracking, but not all, and not the scabs. This is looking damn good, actually. A week ago I was bleeding so badly I was in tears. Every time I pump I get ugly looking bruises. This is what ill-fitting pumps do. Take note. Get fitted. In the hospital. No lie.
Do scabs and skin bits count as solid food? Because if so, P is now on solids and has been for weeks.
Also, I am embarrassed to say that I have injured my left thumb. And I refuse to go to the doctor. Because then I have to tell him that I injured myself from repeated boob squeezing in the attempt to get as much milk out as possible. I can't do it. I am just going to go pick up a thumb brace. I keep hoping it will get better...it's not. Oh, well. What's one more injury?
Sorry for the TMI. I just need support on this. You all have given me soooo many tips, resources, etc, and I am ever so thankful. I just need some validation of my misery. Thanks for reading (and looking).