I am unabashedly stealing this idea from Junebug, LOL.
Conversations heard 'round these parts recently:
Hubby: How do you get an upset baby to calm down? Stick a nipple in his mouth. How do you get an upset man to calm down?
Me: Same thing.
H: Why did you order all these burp cloths, honey?
M: They aren't burp cloths, they are diapers.
H: No, they are burp cloths.
M: Nope, diapers.
H: *puzzled look*
Nana and I discussing the size of P's hands and feet (they are large for his size)
Aunt: Well, how tall is Hubby?
N&I: blank looks
N: What does that have to do with it?
A: What do you....oh, right.
Shorte the neighbor: Oh, my God your kid is hung!
M: I wouldn't know on a baby.
S: Trust me, he is. From now on I shall call him "Porn Star."
H: Can we legally change P's name?
M: To what?
H: Phelan "Peanut" Shel
H: What do I do with the poopy diapers?
M: Put them in the bag with the others.
H: That's just wrong.
Cousin: Did you know that babies learn their Mommy's voice in the womb? (she is 10)
M: Yes, I did.
C: Do you know how to do baby CPR?
M: I need a refresher, I was trained at one point.
C: I have a babysitting book with all kinds of tips and how to do it. I can loan it to you!
M: Why, thank you!
C: When did he eat last?
M: Almost 3 hours ago.
C: Oh, I think you should feed him now, then.
M: I think so, too.
X-Ray Tech: Any chance you are pregnant?
M: *laughs* No, doesn't happen without medical intervention.
X: Well, when was your last period.
M: Umm, last May, as in last year.
*I will explain this more Friday in the leftovers, but nothing serious, I promise!
Dad: You know what a transistor is?
M: Umm, something to do with a radio?
D: *shakes head in disappointment*
D: It's a nun with a sex change. hahahaha (he came up with this all on his own)
Have a good day!!!