My head is swirling with thoughts, fears. Most of which I have not been able to verbally articulate to anyone. Because I know many, if not all of them are rational and expected and will only elicit a "That's perfectly normal hon." And I know that. Plus I don't want to cry. But I need to get them out. Put it in writing. So, read, don't read, just...oh, I don't know.
- I am at high risk for Postpartum Depression - and I am absolutely TERRIFIED of it. Terrified that I won't be able to get out of bed, that I will shut down completely, that I will look at Cricket and feel NOTHING.
- I am not emotionally or mentally prepared for Cricket to arrive yet. I know that much is out of my hands at the moment, but...my house is a mess, someone is living in the nursery, and I can't do anything. I feel really helpless. I am pretty sure this will void my ability to take FMLA after my approved 6 weeks of maternity leave. And we haven't even figured out day care. I have a month or so to sort things out, I suppose. From the couch.
- I really need to get maternity shots done, sooner rather than later. My mom was going to do them, but with my stepdad having his surgery tomorrow and all the recovery time and whatnot I can't ask her to help. And a belly cast, I need a belly cast. Again, sooner rather than later, to be safe.
- I know there was more, but my brain is on major overload.
P.S. Is it sad that I mourn the ability to wear my cute maternity clothes? Seriously, leaving the house means I get dressed up now, LOL. Because otherwise they just sit there, looking forlorn.