32w0d

Holy  Crap - 8 months!!!!

WEEKLY UPDATE

31 weeks. 

How far along: 32 weeks 0 days. Cricket is the size of a large squash. Approximately 17-19 inches, 4-4.5 lbs. Cricket's head is increasing in circumference by 1.25 cm every week - ouch!  LOL.  By the end of 40 weeks, Cricket will DOUBLE in weight (again, ouch!)

Total Weight Gain: 151.4 lbs = 38 lbs (ish)

Maternity clothes: Hell yeah! Some of my shirts are actually getting a bit, umm, short...with 2 months (we hope!) to go!

Sleep: I stay in bed about 10-12 hours some nights (excluding the NUMBEROUS trips to the bathroom).  Some days I also take a 1-2 hour nap.  I give props to the non-bedrest babes who work and stay active the whole time - serious props.

Movement: Things have begun settling down...more stretching and whatnot than Jackie Chan.  Her feet have been under my ribs on the right side for about a month now, and when she stretches them out - that is not the coziest feeling in the world.  I have to lean to the left and raise up my arm to get relief.  She WILL NOT BUDGE, and trust me, I've tried all the tricks, LOL.  I love when she pushes her bum way up.  LOL.

32 weeks - I thought I exploded more
this week, but apparently not!

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings:  Haven't mentioned this, but I drink EASILY a half gallon of pomegranate lemonade a day...since the beginning.  Soooo good.  Aversions: Red meat.

Sex: Well, it's about time to start placing your votes!  I have been convinced since the beginning that Cricket is a girl - but it's a great mystery!

Symptoms: Crazy, crazy Procardia induced dreams - for instance: dreamt that we did a home ET...but instead of human embryos, we put in TURTLES.  No, really.  That is just wrong on SO many levels. 

What I miss: Belly sleeping, sex - and not just the sex.  I miss really kissing my husband, cuddling...but I get worked up wayyyy too easily for that.  I miss my husband :(

What I look forward to: Belly button poppage, although I am beginning to think it may never happen. Ultrasound Monday, baby shower in 2 weeks!  Holy crap, I get to have a baby shower!  Holy f'in crap.

Moods: Okay, didn't come around.  Bawled so much this week.  Have to breathe.  Have. To. Breathe.  Hormones, hormones, hormones.

Milestones: 8 months!  When I look straight down I can no longer see my belly button or the tattoo around it.  I have to crane my head, LOL.

Just so I have it...

Medical Concerns: Hypothyroid, anxiety, migraines, bursitis, PTL (ie Helga is a cranky bitch), IC. Ready for the list? Syn.throid 50 mcg, Zo.loft 100 mg, Iron, D3, B12, Vitamin C, Folic acid, stool softeners. Flexeril a bit longer, Tylenol 3 for the migraines, Procardia 20 mg 3x/day, Unisom so I sleep a bit better.

Weekly Wisdom: Breathe.  Seriously, just breathe. 

Best moment this week: Getting maternity photos back!  It really did make my week in my basketcase state of mind. 

Worst moment this week: Feeling emotionally out of control a lot of the week. With no way to burn off that energy.  Still.  I haven't figured out how to combat this yet.

Maternity Photos!!!

There are a ton!  So just bear with me, I tried to post only my favorites, LOL.  Also, there is 1 shot that is not work safe, and a couple questionable, so just beware!  Hope you enjoy!  We certainly did!

NOTE: These photos were taken by Rebecca Fuhs Gotzon, who does not yet have a website, but IS on FB for those in the Lehigh Valley area!

Hubby asked if I would wear this top around
the house all the time. LOL

I kept trying to push my boobs up...soooo didn't
work out that way.  Uncooperative wenches!

Poor Hubby - got a goofball for a wife.

This one and the following one are my
favorites of the 2 of us together.

I had to promise I wouldn't post these 2 on
Facebook - no such rules here!  LOVE!

Rebecca did these in B&W, too, but I liked the
glow of the backlight.

Totally putting this up in the bedroom!

This is my hands-down favorite of the bunch...I picked the pose and
she NAILED it.  LOVE!

Don't give me a prop...I have tooo much fun with
them, LOL.  

Climbing On My Soapbox

Yesterday I reposted Keiko's call for action.  And it felt GOOD.  Here I sit in my recliner, watching the world go by while I focus on my very important incubating task (no sarcasm, I promise).  I have been watching the world go up in flames.  And I feel those flames burning inside me.

Just because I am in this chair doesn't mean I can't do anything.  In the last 2 weeks I have watched FB transform from a hotbed of social networking to a hotbed of grassroots organization.  I have watched Egypt regain it's freedom, and other countries fight for theirs.  I have reposted articles, I have cheered on my friends in WI as they fight for worker's rights, and I have wept for the lives lost in struggle.

When I originally sat down to write this post, I was going to write about Planned Parenthood, about Worker's Rights, about their origins, and what opponents may say.  I had a veritable essay in my mind, complete with sources, media, the whole nine yards.  I had Rosie the Riveter rising up inside me, ready to stand tall and do battle.  I could defend any number of causes right now. 

But you all know I am liberal.  You know where I stand.  And I don't need to argue that here.  That's why I reposted Keiko's post.  Because that's what I can do.  And you know what?  That's what YOU can do, too. 

Whatever side you fall on, put it out there.  Post articles.  Hell, call Ian's Pizza and buy some pizza for the protestors camped out in the rotunda in Madison.  We have all this media available to us in a way that has never existed before.  In the past, during the fight for suffrage, or for civil rights, gay rights, all of it, word of mouth was KING.  Phone calls got it done.  Now we can reach THE WORLD from our keyboards. 

So don't feel that you need to stand idly by while our world heats up.  Show your support any way you can.  Use the resources we have!  Sign letters that are available (easy to do on many sites)!  Go to rallies in your state supporting others.  Or, simply, spread the word wherever you can. 

The world is on fire, my friends, and not just in far off places we cannot even imagine.  Right here.  In our own backyards.  The time is here, the future is ours.  We can make a difference.

Fight Back In The War Against Women

The outstanding Keiko Zoll has done it again - and it's time to go viral once more.  Whether you are Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, or whatever your views may be, if you are a woman (or know one - so that means EVERYONE), the bills being proposed in several states, as well as in our Federal Congress, are simply unacceptable. 

It's time to fight back.  And what better way than using the social media sites that we all frequent and which have become key in all Grassroots movements. 

So, please, read THIS POST, and then repost it anywhere you can.  Your blog, Facebook, Twitter, email it to your friends and relatives.  Spread the word!

Now, go, read Keiko's call to action and spread the word.

The Decisions We Face

One of the things that came up at Michele's the other day was the topic of subsequent pregnancies. CAN OF WORMS. In my brain, anyway.

I thought making the decision to pursue IVF was difficult - one of the hardest I have made.  Until I start thinking about the repercussions of IVF and the decisions we now face.

First of all, given my PTL and IC, can I really go through another pregnancy?  And do it with a young child?  Is it fair to Hubby, to Cricket?

What about financially?  Could we afford what would end up being a long period out of work, not to mention a 2nd child and daycare for 2?  Nevermind AFTER, can we afford to do a FET???

What about emotionally?  Can I go through ANY of this again?  And is it fair to either of us to take that ride again?

But I think the biggest decision is regarding our frosties.  This is what is the most difficult to face.  The rest I can logically face, well, most of it.  But I seem to be incapable of detaching from those embryos.

When we happily found out we were pregnant, we imagined twins.  It was harder than I thought to deal with the fact that one of those embies just...vanished.  Didn't survive.  That my body absorbed it.  Now we have 3 viable frosties.  Cricket's potential siblings.  I feel an attachment to them that surprises me.

We had decided to do this ONE TIME, and donate our frosties.  In fact, we were, for a brief time, working with a couple on an open adoption.  It fell through, but that's okay.  We still planned on donating, though I would prefer a known recipient - due to the attachment. 

But then ... I read about your twins and find myself insanely jealous. I am also ecstatic for you, don't get me wrong.  IF lurking in my brain, never quite gone.  I am saddened by the fact that Cricket may be an only child, and that we have potential siblings waiting for us.  I can't let go.

I cannot believe that we have to decide what to do with these potential children.  How did we get here???

And I am ANGRY that ANY of us have to face decisions like this.  That Mother Nature messing up our plumbing leads to situations that require us to make emotional, moral, ethical decisions that rip us apart inside.  Top to bottom. 

I am ANGRY that I have no idea how to handle these emotions, that I have NO outlet for them because of the very reason causing them. 

I am ANGRY that all of this has affected me this badly, taken over my life in ways I never thought possible, knowing what I know about people who would DREAM of having issues like ours instead of what they have.  That I've let my need for a child take over.  That instead of somehow being out making a difference in the world, I am fighting my body, which OBVIOUSLY was not meant to bear children. 

I am angry that these are the decisions we face.

The Return Of The Frog Prince

Well, nearly a week later, and I am ready to share, sanely. I am going to share a bit of a back story, though, for those of you who weren't with me the first half of last year.

In the Fall of '09, Hubby and I were really beginning to think that having children naturally was not in the cards for us, but we honestly did not know where to turn.  A friend at work referred me to Frog, who had experienced some issues as well.  His wife, Pixie, has PCOS.  They gave me the number of our clinic.  They also (later on) loaned us the funds for our donor counseling session.  Cricket is with us, in large part, due to them.

Frog and I became close friends over the next few months, and he and Pixie found out they were pregnant right before Christmas of '09.  I had yet to meet Pixie, but I made them a layette.  I was, briefly, devastated that this IRL friend I had made who was on the same journey was so quickly over the hump just as I was beginning to enjoy having a comrade.  It also happened that they found out they were expecting right about the same time we got Hubby's Klinefelter, or XXY, diagnosis.  So it was sort of a double whammy.

Anyway, friendship grew, and in Feb of '10, Hubby and I moved to the same town as them, so we were now neighbors, and Pixie and I finally met.  We all started hanging out, and, for the most part, I handled the growing bump fairly well.  There were a couple times I had to hide, but overall, not bad.

Now, for those of you that don't know, I swing - Hubby and I have an open marriage, more for me than him.  It didn't take long for F, P, and I to become involved. And when I went off the deep end in April, I had somewhere to go when I needed to be anywhere but in my own life.  Hubby was very understanding.  I needed an escape.  I spent a lot of time there.  A LOT.  We did a lot of baby prep.  I became very involved in their lives, and they in mine.

Looking back - we all got too involved.  We all needed it at the time, but we didn't watch ourselves.  Things got complicated.  I went on BCPs in May, and in mid-June went cold turkey off of my Zoloft - not a pretty combination.  Because of injuries, we had to postpone our scheduled IVF, and I had to return to work as much of a wreck as when I left.  Bad, bad, bad.

Things happened, anger and hurt ruled the day.  Trust was broken, things were said...a fairly volatile end to things.  What it was doesn't matter at this point.  We were all angry.  Very angry. 

Frog and I work together - there was ZERO contact for months.  Pixie delivered their daughter 2 days after our ET.  She was supposed to be my goddaughter.  I was devastated. 

Frog became very ill a few weeks later.  We checked in with Pixie - she had a newborn and a very ill husband.  We wanted to make sure they were okay. 

They have maintained intermittent contact with Hubby over the months.  Frog and I at least would acknowledge each other at work, and I was fairly content with civility.  Moving on, lack of drama, these were good things for me.  Especially with the hellish pregnancy symptoms. 

Randomly, they donated things to us for Cricket, a move I still don't entirely understand.  The last donation was a few weeks ago, and Hubby mentioned that Frog had mentioned he wanted to stop by and see how I was doing.  I wasn't entirely against this, but not overly thrilled either.  I just want peace right now.

When they showed up out of the blue, I was initially FURIOUS with Hubby - thought he had engineered this.  Turns out he had no idea either.  And I don't know why I was concerned about my appearance, my disastrously dirty house, any of that - we have seen each other at our worst, honestly.  They said they felt it was only right I meet the baby (who, by the way, was one of those amazingly perfect children we all dream of and of course had me at the first stare) and even had gifts for me for the nursery.  Very thoughtful and apropos gifts. 

The thing is, I had had a horrid night full of nightmares, panic attacks, etc.  I was already severely emotional.  And there was never really any...closure.  Just anger and time passed.  And with my very emotional state, seeing them, without mental prep, when I have so little control on things right now...it was too much. 

It brought up so many feelings.  The good ones, the bad ones, the love we all had for each other, the friendship that we lost.  I don't know what to do with the emotions.  Not having a way to physically let go of things is proving to be a big issue for me.  I don't even know how to feel.  I know this puts the ball back in my cart so to speak, and I have NO idea what to do.  None whatsoever. 

And I know they've been following this blog ever since, even after I changed the URL, which means they really wanted to see what was what.  I know this based on some things Frog has said, and I don't know if I am weirded out by that (which ties into some of the issues from last year), or if I feel flattered that they were wondering how we are, or what. 

I don't know what  to do.  I don't even know what I want to do.  I know that there are still a number of strong emotions that I need to face.  But what's next?  What the hell am I supposed to do????

Sunday Meet Up

Yesterday was our first Blog Meet-up!   Unfortunately, events conspired such that it was only me, Lauren, and Michele.  But that's okay.  We will work on this, and make it bigger! 

It didn't matter, though.  We had a fantastic time :)  And talked about any number of topics while Michele's twins frolicked.    And how cute are they?  Totally cute.  It was wonderful, no need to explain terminology or some of the bizarre feelings associated with our respective issues.  I am so glad we got the ball rolling on this.

Look for information for our next gathering, which will be at Kir's house in early summer :)

I did find out that if I am sitting up like a normal person my feet turn into sausages, LOL.  So, I am glad that I'm on bedrest and missing the worst of that! 

So, good food, good friends, good times.  Thanks, ladies!

Because You Asked

I give you a photo montage - a couple of Colliwog and me, and some drag photos.  Enjoy! 

Either late Fall 1995 or very early 1996 - probably one of our first hair dying ventures!

A year ago,  this weekend!

My alter ego, Ben Dover - I was a sexy dude!

That is my ex in the  - foreground.  Me as an old man begging my nurse to "Whip It."  LMAO

Ben's portrait - which I don't even remember - that was a night to, um, "remember" - if I could, LOL.

 Hope you enjoyed!  Just let me know if you want to see any more bizarre photos of me - there are plenty.  I always act the fool, LOL.

Now I am off to ready myself for our fabulous Bloggy Meet Up!  Soooo excited!

31w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE


How far along: 31 weeks 0 days. Cricket is the size of a large squash. Approximately 17-19 inches, 3-4 lbs. Cricket's senses are all working which is pretty darn cool! 

Total Weight Gain: 150 lbs today - that makes 36.5 lbs gained.  Doc says we are fine, so I will stop fretting.

Maternity clothes:  Hell yeah!  And I now make an effort to put on real clothes every day, as comfy as possible, but so I feel like less of a bum.

Sleep: Ahhh, I love sleep, interrupted though it may be.  The other night Hubby came to bed when Cricket was REALLY active, so I had him feel - he said, "How do you sleep through this?!?!?!"  LOL.

Movement: I can't get enough of it :)  Definitely more wiggly than kicky, but she still delivers a good blow now and then.

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: Chocolate. Bad me. French fries, pizza, and the never ending need for California/Shrimp rolls. Aversions: Red meat.

Sex: There is NO SEX in the Champagne room.

Symptoms: Heartburn gastrointestinal pyrotechnics are here.  Blech.  Very short of breath (stairs are evil).  All the usual suspects.

What I miss:  Belly sleeping, sex. 

What I look forward to: Belly button poppage, although I am beginning to think it may never happen. Blog meet up tomorrow. Baby shower in 3 weeks.  Getting photos back next week to share!!!

Moods: Cried at the drop of a hat all week.  But I think I'm coming around.  Though I am a bit panicky realizing that there is so much to be done.  C'est la vie.  Remember to breathe.

Milestones: Maternity photos! And another week with Cricket still inside!

Medical Concerns: Hypothyroid, anxiety, migraines, bursitis, PTL (ie Helga is a cranky bitch), incompetent cervix. Ready for the list? Syn.throid 50 mcg, Zo.loft 100 mg, Iron, D3, B12, Vitamin C, Folic acid, stool softeners. Flexeril a bit longer, Tylenol 3 for the migraines, Procardia 20 mg 3x/day, Unisom so I sleep a bit better.

Saw another OB this week from the group (who actually admitted me to the hospital twice, just hadn't met yet) and LOVED her.  She was phenomenal.  She cracked me up.  We talked about stopping meds at 34 weeks and what not.  Then she said if I reach 39 weeks we will start talking induction.  Bahahahaha. 

Weekly Wisdom: 1:  Those little travel neck pillows make great bump supporters for sleeping.  2: A full length mirror is key when trying to shave body parts which one can no longer see.  3: Oh, wait, I think I only had 2.

Best moment this week: 1: Hubby had his first "I'm gonna be a dad" freakout.  It was so damn cute!  2:  Photo shoot!  I  felt like a hot babe.  Hope the photos reflect it! 

Worst moment this week: Feeling emotionally out of control a lot of the week.  With no way to burn off that energy. 

Friday Night Leftovers: Bedrest Blues

Forgot to do this last week...but I'm here today!

• Our pregnancy photo shoot is today!!!  Highlight of my week!!!  Which led to this conversation:
• Hubby:  Awww, I have to shave?  But it takes a month for it to really fill in!
• Me:  Yeah, I know.  That's how my legs are.  But it will grow back.
• I have had a ridiculously emotional week - I think it's lack of being able to physically get out stress and emotions.  No tattoos, no piercings, no sex, no crazy cleaning. 
• Colliwog moves out today.  I totally thought it was next week, but yeah...I'm braindead.
• Frog and Pixie ambushed me Tuesday.  Showed up unannounced with their daughter.  I had raccoon eyes, greasy hair, and no way to fidget.  Shook the whole time.  I imagine it was unannounced so I couldn't veto, but I was NOT MENTALLY PREPARED.  Fucked me up for 2 days.  I could have done a whole post on this, but I was just too overwhelmed with emotions to try and figure them out and get it down.  Maybe next week.
• There is a house around the corner that is going to be forclosed upon soon, and go for REALLY cheap.  (bad grammar, I know)  Hubby is all excited because this might be our opportunity to buy a house.  Problem?  I can't get past the fact that the man and his daughters that live there have nowhere to go and have had a rough time of it.  It makes my heart ache for them.  And I don't know if I can benefit from someone else's suffering. 
• My cats have a sock fetish.  And they have been sleeping in a drawer of baby clothes (out of dresser because of sanding) - which equals pairs of baby socks strewn across my already disastrous house.  And Buddha found a "carseat toy" and thinks it's a chew toy.  There is going to have to be some deliniation soon - yours vs. baby's.  LOL.
• Speaking of the furbabies, Colliwog has managed to teach the dog the command "Eat Cat" - this is a dog that only mastered "sit" and "stay" before refusing any further training.  But no shit, he responds to "Eat cat" when said with the right inflection. 
• I am typing this with the laptop on Buddha's back as he feels it necessary to sit on my lap in the recliner.  He's 45 lbs.  He IS NOT a lap dog.  Try telling him that. 

I think I had more, but again, braindead.  I am off to get prettied and stuff ready for the photo shoot!!! So stoked! 

Happy Friday, y'all.

***Right after I published this I got a call that my grandfather passed away this morning, peacefully, in his sleep, surrounded by family.  I am hoping I can go to a service, safely...***

Another Blog Award!

Okay, here is how this thing works:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.

Thank you to cainml and Just Me!  Woohoo! 

2. Share 7 things about yourself (this gets harder and harder!)

• I am terrible at follow through.  I start projects with gusto - and then get bored.  It's why I stopped taking dance, was never very good at a musical instrument, and have more unfinished crochet projects than I can count.  Oh, and why my house never got finished being decorated.  I am in the dictionary next to "Unfulfilled Potential."
• I have some really strange OCD manifestations.  I obsessively groom my nails - and it's only to keep me from chewing them to bits.  I take out the worst of it on my toe nails - summer sucks because I feel the need to leave them alone for open-toe season.  Nail clippers are always nearby.  This is only one example.
• I am significantly better at caring for utter stranges than my nearest and dearest.  I have no explanation or understanding of this.  I'm sure a therapist would have a field day.  I was once accused of "taking in strays."
• I can put up with a LOT.  But when my line finally gets crossed, watch the hell out.  Seriously.  It's scary to behold.  Hell hath no fury like a Genevieve scorned.
• I have a really foul mouth.  Which is hysterical because I was always Ms. Goody Two Shoes in school.  Until I let my freak flag fly.  Talk about opening Pandora's box.  My mom keeps asking if I am going to clean up my mouth when Cricket comes.  I pointed out that she'll hear it all one way or another, so if I can teach her when to use and when not to use, I'd rather.  And then it won't be a novelty when she hears it elsewhere.
• If there is music, there is a me dancing.  Going to the grocery store is fun with me :)  I've had dance solos all over the place, LOL. 
• If you ask me, "How are you?" I am likely to tell you.  I despise that we use that as a greeting and are expected to say we are fine.  Don't ask if you don't want to know!  Oddly, it's not only our culture in which that happens.  Why is that?  What kind of human condition leads to that sort of nicety existing? Boggles the mind. 

3. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers that are deserving & 4. Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award
I give up - if you don't have this award yet, consider thyself nominated.  I love awards, I do, but not so much the work involved (see bullet point number 1 for reference).

Out of curiousity, I Googled myself (as I made this blog unsearchable, but thought I ought to double check based on...some stuff) and stumbled on the fact of this:

UltrasoundTechnician.com

Apparently I had won an award by this site and had NO idea - and it was before I changed my URL.  Some of you are on there, ladies!

Oh!  And it turns out I am still searchable - so I don't know what the hell that setting is all about.  Oh, well.  Fun finding a random blog award, though! 

Thanks ladies (and random website).

Wordless Wednesday: Wut Iz Dis?

Ooh Child

I am entirely too emotional today to try and actually get it all out.  So today you get music.  I love you, Cricket. 

Adventures With Colliwog

So, as you know, my dear friend is staying with us.  She will be here another week or so.  Anyway, she and I have a long and distinguished history dating back to muddy slip and slide in the quad in college.  We may be older, but we still get up to high jinx.  Just ... different ones.

Let me share some examples.

1. The day I landed in the hospital for PTL the FIRST time, the repair guy came to look at the freezer.  Colliwog drooled.  A lot.  Tried to be all chivalrous with me and totally twirled her hair, flirted, and tried for his number.  She is so bad.
2. Later that day we went to the mall, leading to the ambulance ride.  What happens?  I'm having contractions and the driver and she are flirting shamelessly.  No kidding.  THE WHOLE TIME.  Hello?  Freaked out pregnant lady here!  *Shakes head*.  I love her.
3. We have devised the funniest pregnant shot EVER...me in drag.  It's been way too long, after all, and in a robe, I really do look like a middle-aged man with a paunch.  LMAO. 
4. She gave me a head band with feathers on it - turns out they are rooster feathers.  Also known as cocks.  So I had cock on my head - closest I can get, I'll take it.  Thanks, hon!
5. She gave me a purple mohawk - which is considerably tamer than what she did to my hair in college.  Trust me. 
6. She has made me laugh so hard I farted.  No, really. 
7. If she weren't disabled and I weren't on bedrest, you can bet there would be considerably more stupid behavior.  We do what we can while stuck inside.

It's both difficult and wonderful to have her here.  I want more done on the nursery, but she's living in there amidst the chaos.  But I'd be home alone alllll the damn time.  We amuse each other. 

And when all of my normal coping mechanisms are verboten, someone who can (usually) make me laugh is good medicine.  But seriously.  Next time I go into labor in a public place she'd better not try to get the driver's number.  Besides, she's still trying to track down the first driver...

...seriously, she is.

At this very moment she is taking pictures of my boobs looking huge in my current outfit.  Yeah.  Thanks.

30w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE

How far along: 29 weeks 0 days. Cricket is the size of a butternut squash. Approximately 17 inches, 3 lbs. Cricket's brain is getting wrinkly :)  And her bone marrow is producing red blood cells now.  Lanugo is also beginning to disappear.

Total Weight Gain: 149 lbs = 35.5 lbs!  Seriously, bedrest and my chocolate cravings are BAD.  All of you under 20 lb weight gainers make me JEALOUS.  I am HUGE.

Maternity clothes: My closet is insane...between my original clothes, the maternity wear I inherited, and the things I've bought...it's insane in there.

Sleep: Procardia makes me so, so sleepy.  And if I have to run errands (don't worry, I use a wheelchair/scooter in stores), I get sooooo exhausted so fast!

Movement: We seem to have moved into a 2 hour pattern. 2 hours awake, 2 hours asleep. The movement is mostly stronger now, but more stretching than kicking. What kicks I do get are wicked forceful!  Feet in the right side of my ribcage = mucho discomfort.  Love it.

29 weeks

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: Chocolate.  Bad me.  French fries, pizza, and the never ending need for California/Shrimp rolls. Aversions: Red meat.

Sex: This week I have been told NO LESS than 5 times that I am having a boy.  Colliwog thinks somehow there is a twin hiding in there, and only 1 vote for a girl.  Apparently, other than my family, the feeling is boy all the way.  And can we not talk about sex? 

Symptoms: Heartburn and acid reflux have kicked in with a VENGEANCE. VERY vivid dreams. Sciatic and back pain.. More colostrum.  Very short of breath.  I HATE the stairs in my house.

What I miss: Sleeping on my belly. As getting cozy gets more difficult, I miss that option more and more. Sex.  Being able to clean, etc.  Working on finding projects I can do sitting. 

What I look forward to: Belly button poppage (it's getting quite shallow!) Blog meet up (I get to be social!).  Baby shower in 1 month.

Moods: It's been another roller coaster of emotions this week, which leaves me exhausted and unable to even complete things I could normally do sitting down.  I think I'm pouting.  Haven't read blogs all week (sorry gang!).  Actually, moping might be more accurate.  Must remedy that.

30 weeks. No bra, so the BBs are sitting right
on top of my belly.  LMAO. 

Milestones: 30 weeks is good :) 

Medical Concerns: Hypothyroid, anxiety, migraines, bursitis, PTL (ie Helga is a cranky bitch), incompetent cervix.  Ready for the list? Syn.throid 50 mcg, Zo.loft 100 mg, Iron, D3, B12, Vitamin C, Folic acid, stool softeners. Flexeril a bit longer, Tylenol 3 for the migraines, Procardia 20 mg 3x/day, Unisom so I sleep a bit better.

Weekly Wisdom: Trust my instincts.  Real clothes make me feel like less of a bum, so wear them even if doing NOTHING all day.

Best moment this week: Good laugh over the fact that Hubby and Colliwog bought me a bell to ring, LOL. 

Worst moment this week: Hospital, fear (again), frustration at financial losses and maternity leave losses, feeling helpless, getting glared at in the grocery store by a woman with an oxygen tube pushing a cart while I sat in the scooter.  I just ignored her.  But still.

Better

Thank you all sooooo much for all of your support and kind words.  Seriously, I don't know what I would do without all of you lovely ladies.  I really don't.  So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

I am feeling better this morning.  Getting the crazy out of my head onto "paper" helped, a LOT.  I really do feel better about being on bedrest than working in terms of Cricket.  The rest?  Well, what gets done, gets done.  Once 36 weeks hits (knock on wood) I will be busting ass to get the rest done. 

I will be catching up on blogs tomorrow (well, it may take a couple of days) and I know there have been several BFPs this week, some BFNs, and of course much random other stuff.  I will be BACK tomorrow.  Today is Colliwog's birthday, so we do what she wants. 

I love you all.  Thank you, again, so much.  For everything.

Rational? Irrational?

Before I get started, I saw the OB today.  I am officially on bedrest for the duration.  And on the Procardia.  While I am frustrated about this, I am also relieved to not be worrying about going back to work and having to just keep leaving.  Because that would be worse.  I don't want to think about money or any of that.  I just want to stay calm.  So that's what I am doing.

My head is swirling with thoughts, fears.  Most of which I have not been able to verbally articulate to anyone.  Because I know many, if not all of them are rational and expected and will only elicit a "That's perfectly normal hon." And I know that.  Plus I don't want to cry.  But I need to get them out.  Put it in writing.  So, read, don't read, just...oh, I don't know.

• I am at high risk for Postpartum Depression - and I am absolutely TERRIFIED of it.  Terrified that I won't be able to get out of bed, that I will shut down completely, that I will look at Cricket and feel NOTHING.  
• I am not emotionally or mentally prepared for Cricket to arrive yet.  I know that much is out of my hands at the moment, but...my house is a mess, someone is living in the nursery, and I can't do anything.  I feel really helpless.  I am pretty sure this will void my ability to take FMLA after my approved 6 weeks of maternity leave.  And we haven't even figured out day care.  I have a month or so to sort things out, I suppose.  From the couch. 
• I really need to get maternity shots done, sooner rather than later.  My mom was going to do them, but with my stepdad having his surgery tomorrow and all the recovery time and whatnot I can't ask her to help.  And a belly cast, I need a belly cast.  Again, sooner rather than later, to be safe. 
• I know there was more, but my brain is on major overload. 

Sorry if this is a downer post.  I just...needed to get it out.  Thanks, guys!

P.S.  Is it sad that I mourn the ability to wear my cute maternity clothes?  Seriously, leaving the house means I get dressed up now, LOL.  Because otherwise they just sit there, looking forlorn.

Monday, Monday

Seriously, Mondays are not even my Monday!  My Monday is normally Tuesday right now.  Tell that to the Powers That Be.

Mondays Plan:

• Hubby takes Subaru to dealership as it blew1 fan belt and was having difficulties maintaining power.
• I take Colliwog to CVS and grocery store.
• Clean bathroom and get started on bedroom.
• Make chili.
• Go with Hubby for (somewhat redundant) hospital tour. 

Actual Monday:

• Hubby gets stranded 1/3 of the way to the dealership.
• Colliwog and I drive way out of the way to go shopping in order to be near the dealership to rescue Hubby after he gets there via tow truck.
• Finally make it home by 4:30, at which point I am in a LOT of back pain.  Screw chores. 
• Sit long enough to get food into my tummy.
• Head to hospital tour.
• Start having contractions while touring maternity ward (around 7:15)
• Leave tour group to check into Triage.
• Get home 11 pm-ish.

Yeah, the best laid plans....

So, here's how the EXCITING part of the day went.

We arrive for the tour, and I realize just how WEIRD I feel in a room of pregnant women.  Really weird. LOL.  Like, am I really part of this group?  Do I really get to be here?  Wow.   I felt sort of...out of body.  So we sit there and there is a slide show just talking about the hospital, the maternity floor, what to bring, what to expect, yadda yadda yadda.  That started at 6:30.  Around 7:15 that part finished and we got up to proceed to the actual maternity floor (like we don't know where that is, LOL). 

Within minutes of me being on my feet, I started contracting.  After 2 I started timing.  8 in about 25 minutes.  Not regularly spaced, and not strong, but frequent enough that I was starting to freak.  By this time we have made it to the floor, and, amusingly enough, are in the LDR rooms (which, I might add, are quite nice!).  I stepped outside with Hubby and we made the decision to head over to Triage on the other side of the floor...didn't even bother calling the doctor as we are ALREADY THERE.  So, off we go.  Sitting calmed the contractions down, but now I have EXCRUCIATING lower back and hip pain. 

We got me wheeled into Triage just as the tour group was being showed Triage.  I waved.  Can I just say that by the time we do this for real, all the residents and nurses are going to know me!  One from 2 stays ago actually popped her head in to say "hi".  LOL.  So, I end up in the SAME Triage room, and the nurse said, "You know what to do, eh?'  Yup, grabbed the pee cup, gown, and belly band and headed to the bathroom. 

Those damn exam tables are REALLY uncomfortable.  Hubby got a taste of me in labor last night.  I asked him to come help roll me over, and he said, "Hang on, let me grab..." at which point I yelled, "NO!"  The resident laughed. 

So, at this point I am feeling sheepish because now the contractions have slowed down and are more like menstrual cramps.  But, resident came in and did a dildocam check to be safe.  So, as of last week my cervix was holding steady at 3.4 cm in length.  Last night it had shortened again to 2.7 cm.  2.5 is when they "start to be concerned."  She had to run out to go do a delivery (it was a busy night!), and when she came back the contractions were starting back up.  I said, "I'm not going to make it to 40 weeks, am I?"  She couldn't give me any sort of super positive response.  It was all, "It COULD do this" etc etc etc. 

I made her do an internal exam - no further dilation, still at around 1 cm, 30% effacement.  So, we put me back on the procardia, and sent me home.  I am out of the work another week (yeah, I was SUPPOSED to go back to work today), and even though I have an OB appointment Monday, I have to see them earlier, so will have 2 within a week I guess. 

I have decided the stronger contractions, the ones I was getting later on last night, and like I had the last time, are BIZARRE.  Still haven't been painful, but they take my breath away.  It is very bizarre to feel your entire mid-section squeezing inward.  I don't even know how to describe it.

Umm, what am I missing.  Oh, the contractions were not freqent enough to be able to see if my cervix was funneling again.  They said Cricket is behaving like a 36 week baby.  I pointed out that she's NOT!  LOL.  I am not technically on bedrest - "Activity as tolerated."  I pretty much made them give me the week off because I want A PLAN.  I am FREAKED OUT.  But we are okay.  I promise.  And once I see the OB we will know more, IN THEORY. 

Are you still here?  I know this was a long post.  And NOT what I was planning to write about today, LOL. 

Please tell me your Mondays were better?

29w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE
How far along: 29 weeks 0 days. Cricket is the size of a head of big ol' squash! Approximately 16 inches, 2.5-2.8 lbs. Baby’s energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though -- as you’ve also probably noticed -- they don’t necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.
Total Weight Gain: 32 lbs - 145.4 lbs.  Bedrest has accelerated my weight gain a bit.  I thought it was supposed to slow down 3rd tri???  Anywho, I am officially matching my previous heaviest weight.  Which was nearly 10 years ago. 
Maternity clothes: My closet is insane...between my original clothes, the maternity wear I inherited, and the things I've bought...it's insane in there. 
Sleep: I go to bed around 10:30 and stay there until 9-ish. HOWEVER. I am up every 1.5-2 hours to pee, get over a nightmare, and find a snack, LOL.  Yesterday was the first day since being off of work that I didn't take a nap. 
Movement: We seem to have moved into a 2 hour pattern. 2 hours awake, 2 hours asleep. The movement is mostly stronger now, but more stretching than kicking.  What kicks I do get are wicked forceful! 

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: For hose of you that asked, no, I didn't want jello WITH seafood, LOL.  I am in love with CA rolls - starch, protein, veg all in one + some kick.  Hubby brought me a 20 piece tray yesterday.  Mmmm, gonna be a good day. Aversions: Red meat.

Sex: I'm no longer allowed...Cricket is still a secret!  Cobwebs are beginning to form.  Good thing I can't see them.

Symptoms: Heartburn and acid reflux have kicked in with a VENGEANCE.  VERY vivid dreams.  Sciatic and back pain - storm made us miss Dr. Back this week, and the amount of sitting/lying I've been doing does NOT help.  Actually dreamt about the sciatic pain last night - it finally woke me up.  Couldn't believe I didn't yell.  And man, oh, man the stairs are becoming rough!  Up, not down. 
What I miss: Sleeping on my belly. As getting cozy gets more difficult, I miss that option more and more. Sex.
What I look forward to: Belly button poppage (it's getting quite shallow!)  Going back to my horrendous job.  Just because it means I get to be social! 
Moods: Pretty chill this week, especially after learning my cervix is behaving.  I could relax finally.  I am a bit spazzed at all I want to get done...it feels terribly overwhelming.

Milestones: Having to sit with my legs all spread apart because by the end of the day my belly hangs so low as to make it necessary, LOL.
Medical Concerns: Hypothyroid, anxiety, migraines, bursitis. Ready for the list? Syn.throid 50 mcg, Zo.loft 100 mg, Iron, D3, B12, Vitamin C, Folic acid, stool softeners. Flexeril a bit longer, Tylenol 3 for the migraines, Unisom so I sleep a bit better.
Weekly Wisdom:  Actually using the dishwasher may save my sanity.

Best moment this week: The following conversation with Hubby:

Me: Did I show you I can squeeze stuff from my nipples?
Hubby:  Ewww.
M: No, really, look!
H: It looks like you're trying to pop a zit.
M: Well, it's still early, it'll leak out on it's own eventually!
H: Ewww. 

LMAO.  Also, it's always a good week when I get to see my kiddo :)  And when I find out I (KNOCK ON WOOD!) don't have to spend the next several months in bed!
Worst moment this week:  The back/sciatic pain is starting to get to me.  Otherwise, not bad :)

Friday Night Leftovers: Groundhog Day Edition

That's what these last couple weeks felt like.  Same day after day after day after day after...You get the idea.  LOL.  I have to say, I admire the hell out of long-term Bedrest Babes.  I was ready to tear my hair out!

Anywho, here ya go!

• My mother has joined the current century - she has been sending me TEXT MESSAGES!  I almost dropped from shock. 
• The reason she has taken this up is to update me more easily with regard to my step-dad, who was supposed to undergo a mid-calf amputation this week due to a recurrent diabetes related infection.  HOWEVER, it has become rather a clusterfuck because it's the same leg that has an existing knee replacement with metal rods extending down the bones of said leg.  He has to see a specialist in Philly because the regular surgeons won't touch it with a 10-foot pole.  Oy vey!  Don't worry, it's being sorted.
• Grey's Anatomy has been pissing me off this season - aren't they supposed to have medical consultants on that show?  "Hostil" uterus?  I know mine is irritable, but HOSTILE?  And not being able to get a heartbeat with the dildocam before 8 weeks?  WTF?  Sigh.  Can I write them a letter?
• Nearly 20 evites have gone out for our little Blog Meetup - many have still not replied :(
• I am in serious nesting phase and I am TERRIBLE at it.  I have decided to enlist help (my mom is kinda out of the equation now what with the surgery) because I'm not good at cleaning, organizing, and purging.
• Last but not least, Holly  went and got an adorable haircut.  And now I have it, too.  Though I don't have the hawk going yet, but I totally will.  So I'm leaving you with a photo of my newly shorn hair.

I May Never Shave Again

Colliwog showed this to me. I may never shave again. I am OBVIOUSLY on the wrong continent. I will warn you...


*************DON'T WATCH THIS AT WORK OR IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS****************

Otherwise, enjoy!

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho

It's back to work I go.

Tuesday (my Monday) I head back to the daily grind.  No more bedrest for me.  Though I still have to be careful, and will be staying on pelvic rest.

Since my cervix is no longer incompetent, and Helga seems to have stopped being irritable, I am in the clear, stable, and released for work.

Should be interesting as I haven't been able to stay awake for 12 hours straight in weeks.  LOL.  I see a lot of early nights in my future.  And tomorrow Hubby has to dig my car out of it's ice coffin.  Since it hasn't budged in 2 weeks.  And I have to do laundry now that I need actual clothes for work. 

I plan on napping a lot in the next few days, LOL. 

I am still laughing at the fact that we use terms like "incompetent" and "irritable" to describe our non-cooperative reproductive systems.  Really?  Then again, we all seem to name said systems, so I guess personifying them is really not all that surprising. 

As my mom said, "At least it's not a hostile uterus!"  Yeah, she watches Grey's Anatomy, too.  LOL.  I told her not to even get me started on that episode. 

So, that's my update.  Oh!  I passed the 1 hour GD test, thank goodness.  I didn't think I wouldn't, but at the same time, I wouldn't have put it past my body to do more horrid things to me. 

Off to take one of those naps I mentioned.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Tattoo Comparison!



 Before I start, let me just say $#%@$^$%#&^*%.

I mean that.  I couldn't get my laptop to do the photos side by side.  Sorry.

Anyway, this is an absolutely horrid picture, but the only one I have of the tat head on.  Yes, my belly button really is normally that furry.  LOL. 

 








This is as of today...Honestly, it looks much the same.  It really looks good on a pregnant belly!  The star has moved up a bit on the left as my belly button has changed.  Well, the right, actually, but you know what I mean.  Your left.  Actually, the whole thing looks higher than in the original, BUT doesn't really seem to have stretched too badly (yet!)



This is the day the first part of this tattoo was done.  Figured that works, since it's the part y'all see the most often. 

Umm, yeah...I had "fat" days?  HAHAHA!  Now I wonder if I will get that back!  My entire rib cage has expanded!  Anyway, LOL.  That's how it started!










 
 
 
 
 

Same photo from the other day.  Well, I could have my shirt up higher, but I'm lazy and didn't feel like trying to get a good shot.  LOL. 
 
What's amusing is it was the BELLY tattoo I worried about, and this one is proving to be far more interesting! 
 
So, there you go, ladies.  I'm sure I will be able to update further along.  But I didn't want to end up missing the chance, and many of you have mentioned it as time has gone on.