That's right, bleeps. Another 2 weeks off in crazy-land. I have to fight THE MAN a bit harder for these 2, but that puts me back at work a mere week before starting my IVF cycle. LOL. The irony is awesome.
So, update on crazy land is as follows: still barely sleeping (Insomnia, I hate you). Still having panic attacks, just not as frequently. Still breaking down crying randomly. Well, breaking down and no tears come because of the meds, but still. So, verdict is...da da dum: keep Zo.loft dose the same and give it 2 more weeks to stabilize me. Stay on At.avan for attacks. Add Lu.nesta for insomnia. And continue to relax and hide from the world and situations that make me freak out. And find a therapist I like and can deal with.
Now, I am supposed to be GAINING weight before my cycle because I'm on the low end of healthy for my height and what not. I struggled to put weight back on after my initial drop of 10 lbs in January right after DH's Dx. I got there. But I've lost a few. I'm losing ground. Turns out Zo.loft can cause weight loss. I'm gonna have to break out the big guns.
Also, RE nurse says I will most likely have to discontinue Zo.loft while cycling, along with all my other happy drugs. This terrifies me. I'll finally get to a point where I can deal (I hope) and then have to stop those meds and start all the hormones that will make me WORSE!!! How on earth am I going to work? Only saving grace is the intermittent (read UNPAID) FMLA for which I have been approved once I do go back to the real world. Oh, yeah, I'm relaxing. No problem.
I want to apologize for being a Debbie Downer. I try not to dump ALL of this on friends and family, because then they don't want to talk to me. Who would? So I vent it all out here. I know that's the point, but I hate being a whiny bitch.
Having said that, I would also like to thank all of my bleeps who commented on yesterday's post with fantastic advice and support regarding marriage and IF. I REALLY appreciate it. You ladies make my day sometimes. So, Thank You Very Much :)