Thursday, May 27, 2010


So, I'm a terrible poster and commenter this week. I will catch up on you all at some point, I promise. I've had a lot on my mind, plus the whole can't sit up for very long thing. Doing much better. No crutches...Just some lingering neck and shoulder pain.

Thought yesterday was CD1, so I called, scheduled b/w for tomorrow and dildo-cam.....and then it stopped. No flow. Nada. I'm not usually a spotter. So.....I have no idea????? I am still going in tomorrow and we'll see what we see. So I have a tentative IVF schedule, but I'm holding off on posting it until I know more with WTF is going on my with my body.

Other confusion is with regard to Frog and Pixie. I love DH so much....but I've realized I love them as well, more than is probably healthy in all of this. I love being at their house. I love spending the night. I love them. I love our relationship. I feel like I have 2 lives, and I'm not sure how to deal with it, honestly....I can't lose them. Or DH. So I'm working on a balance. I wish I wasn't the way that I am....a big heart with room for many and difficulty only having one person in my life. I was built funny....I don't work right. I don't know.

Going back to work Saturday.....ugh. So nervous about that. Nervous about the reality of this cycle beginning, nervous about no longer being on the meds that keep me (mostly) balanced....

So, again, sorry for not being around much this week....I appreciate all the comments, though, and I hope everyone is having a good week. Major hugs to you all.


  1. AF sucks! Everytime things need to get moving along she acts up.

    Hope you neck pain is better soon. Good luck at the appointment and back at work!

  2. HI sweets,
    you weren't built wrong..just right. For you. I don't know much (Read anything) about Frog and Pixie I got to the dance late and I hate to ask questions....
    but here's how I must be happy, and if you aren't and your try to BE happy and really aren' will make everyone around you UNHAPPY. A regular Jimmie Cricket, that's me.

    however, I hate how confused, sad and out of sorts you sound. I want you to celebrate what I see in your through your words...a really good person with a big, gorgeous heart and a soul that was made to be a mom.

    GOOD LUCK(I will not be around much this weekend, but I'll be thinking of you!) HUGS

  3. Oh goodness, you threw your hip and other parts out, and you're apologizing for not being around?

    I'm not sure of what to make of your confusion, since I thought that the polyamory thing kind of resolved some of that. But I guess there are different shades and levels of complexity to it, and regardless, if you're feeling that you are being unfair to your DH, maybe something is out of balance.

    Have you thought about just carving out some extra special time for you to focus on your DH for a little while? Is it just possible to take it moment-by-moment without putting too much pressure on yourself to choose? Wish there was some easy answer to all this. Bless you and your big heart.


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