Friday, May 7, 2010

"I think too much and I'm afraid of children"

First's Photo Friday! This week is desks. As I am off work, here is the "man-cave" at home where I usually blog. (Today, of course, being the exception - I'm at Frog's house). Yes, it's a mess, most of it mine. DH can't wait to get another desk and set up the 2nd computer so that he can have his desk back and free of all my shit.

As for the title of this post, my favorite TV show of all time is M*A*S*H, and in the final episode, Hawkeye says that...or something very close. (I couldn't find the exact quote, unfortunately.) Anywho, it applies.

I have wanted to post the past couple of days, but just couldn't narrow down what to say. My brain just NEVER shuts up, and I don't want this to turn into the most rambling blog of all time. And while being "afraid" of children might be an overstatement, it's close. Going out, seeing baby stuff, kid stuff, kids....makes me shut down. Makes me walk away. So, this quote has been running through my head for a couple of days now.

I'm so overwhelmed by my energizer bunny brain that I don't even know where to start, honestly. I'm on CD18 - in a couple of weeks I start BCP and then it's on to the actual IVF stuff. I'm nervous. I'm terrified, to be honest. Of it not working. Of the injections. Of the possible disappointment. And I go back to work next week....4 more days off. I'm petrified of that. I am doing better, but still quite nervous about the real world, followed very closely by possibly the most important 4-6 weeks of my life medically, and emotionally, speaking.

It's all too much. posts for a couple of days. I just didn't know where to begin.


  1. Don't worry too much about the injections. If a big baby like me can handle them, you most definitely can!

    With respect to your cycle, remember--you're young and the only thing standing in your way is a tubal blockage. I've been told that RE's *love* women with tubal issues because their success rates are so high. Of course, there are no guarantees in life but, relatively speaking, your chances for success are excellent. I think you're going to do great!

    Take care, have a nice break, and try not to stress yourself out.

  2. So sorry you are stressed. I'm right there with you. About to start Lupron on May 21st. Terrified of the worst case scerenio. No baby, no frozen embabies, no savings account. Enjoy your time off. We'll have to keep each other company during IVF.

  3. It would be nice if we could turn off the energizer bunny brain wouldn't it. I know what it feels like to want to post - but too many things are trying to get out and they all get stuck on each other, and where do you begin? Good Luck, and try to enjoy the last few days before you return to work.

  4. I can totally identify with all the things that keep running through your brain. We never did IVF, but we did do 4 IUI cycles with injections (techinally 8 cycles, but 4 were cancelled). I had the same fears about the injections, of the treatments not working, and it bleeding our savings dry.

    Those are honest fears to have, but on those days when it all seems so overwhelming. I'd stop what I was doing, closed my eyes, and took 3 deep breaths. (sounds hokey, but it works).


  5. Whoo, don't forget to breathe. You can do this.

  6. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Fear is a terrible little mind game we sometimes like to play on ourselves. I send your hope and strength for the next part of your journey. You can do it!

  7. Woops....I hope your stress level subsides soon.

    Good Luck for the IVF cycle!


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