It's been a week of ups and downs. Today I hit a down. Woke up out of sorts, panicky. I still have one more test to go: Saline Sonogram. I'm not so much worried about the test itself having already gone through an HSG as about the results. EVERY test we have had has come out negatively. So, honestly, I'm nervous. It's a few weeks out (only on CD18 right now) but still worried.
Bumps and ultrasounds bugging me today. Tomorrow is a birthday party for my friend's 4 year old...I think I will be okay. I hope I will be. And newborn visit time. I'm just really on edge, worried, nervous....the wait, the anticipation of IVF is difficult to bear. I almost snapped at DH multiple times this morning. I felt so bad, but sadly, he's getting used to it. Going to try and take some time for JUST ME this evening after work to center myself.
My BFN or BFP is going to coincide with my BF's due date, right around there. I am supposed to be at the hospital with them....I am going to feel terrible if I'm unable to handle it. Maybe I'm just overthinking it all, but how can I not? Babies, kids, families are all around me. I think we're going to make an appointment at the foster agency once my new schedule starts, at least get the info on that - maybe that will be a distraction....
Must find that peace again....*sigh*....the ever fun rollercoaster of IF.
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I truly don't think that anyone who has not undergone infertility can possibly know the consequences. The emotional turmoil is exhausting and there is only so much one little body and soul can take. I'm glad that you are going to take some time for yourself tonight. It is so important to find that center and to renew. Wishing you the peace you crave.
ReplyDeleteMissy
Ugh..the timing of your test result stinks! I', hoping for a NFP for you and then you and your BF can celebrate together.
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