Leave of Absence and other things

First the good news: Saline Sonogram went well. No pain, no polyps, no fibroids. Pretty little uterus. I didn't believe her. I asked 3 times to make sure, and then I cried. And couldn't stop crying. For hours.

I went to work and went straight to HR. I'm now on a 2 week LOA until the meds do their job. Doctor made me. And upped my dosage. So now I have 2 weeks to get myself sane.

I'm trying NOT to worry about the financial setback of this leave when we were just sort of getting on track. But I couldn't work. I just finally broke yesterday. I feel weak. Weak for not being able to handle everything, for having to admit I need help. For being a drain on my friendships. I hope this helps....

ICLW comes to an end today...I've read amazing stories, and seen a large number of BFPs here and on The Bump. The What IF project blew my mind. So many amazing ones, but my favorite by far was done by Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. I hope you all got a chance to read some of these amazing stories.

What a week. And I've spent a lot of time contemplating our journey, as evidenced by my previous post. Today a friend wrote this to me:

"Don't let this life set back define you. There's far more to you than this set back. You are a beautiful animal. Sexy. Inspiring. Full of powerful energy when you harness it right."

I nearly wept. What pick me up on a day when I'm facing 2 weeks of nothing productive to do except baby myself and get myself healthy. Which aren't bad....just....weird.

Does IF totally define me? No. But has it become a large part of me, and does it change who I am forever? Yes...absolutely. There is no way around that.