Thursday, January 27, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex

I like sex.  I mean, I REALLY like sex.  A lot of it.  So finding out that sex couldn't get me pregnant was kind of funny.  In fact, I got pregnant by NOT having sex.  Ahhhh, irony. 

But let's back up.

The human body is designed to ENJOY sex in order to perpetuate the species.  Because with our "highly developed" brains, we might not get around to it otherwise.  We needed motivation, and so we evolved with the awesome creation of THE ORGASM.  (And for those who have difficulties in this area, you have NO idea how sorry I am for you!)

So, for someone like me who is hornier than a lot of men I know, the irony that all this fun led to years of wasted birth control is not lost on me.  But the irony does not stop there. 

The very sex that (usually) causes pregnancy is now something that can cause UNpregnancy.  *SNORT, GASP, GIGGLE*  So, what we NOW have is that sex did not cause pregnancy in me.  However, it CAN cause pregnancy to end. 

I am sensing a serious design flaw here. 

At least I got in 5 months of fun before the fun had to stop.  I have entirely too many friends also on the No Sex bench who have been banned the whole pregnancy, and for those who did IVF, longer.  And then after baby comes - 6 more weeks!  What?!?!?!  And so, to my bedrest babes, I say, "Hang in there.  And plan a hotel trip for 6 weeks after baby is born."  Because I plan on getting down and dirty and LOUD.  LOL. 

I lied.  Let's NOT talk about sex.  My goal is now to NOT THINK ABOUT IT.  Because thinking gets the wobbly bits all worked up and then I am up shit creek without a paddle, so to speak.  These hormones are totally wasted on me.  All the additional blood flow, engorgement...oh, the possibilities!  Bye bye wobbly bits.  I shall miss you. 

RIP, Orgasm.  Be ready for a wake-up call in a few months! 

14 comments:

  1. you crack me up girl! Seriously. Awesomest post ever :)

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  2. LMAO! Hit the nail on the head! <3

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  3. I'm quite the sexpot (snort, giggle, blush) and we werent allowed to do the deed from the day of ovulation (we did that day, of course) all the pregnancy plus 12 weeks after delivery. So, all together, a good 10 months without any. Of course, sex is a treat these days. We are both so exhausted!

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  4. This is hysterical. (And trust me, I do feel bad about your sex predicament!) I'd be going crazy already!!!

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  5. I can have it, but two years of (non) baby making sex has made my hubby kind of dread it. I'm on week 8 of abstinence. Blech. So...you're not alone!

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  6. haha - I miss it but it's not banned...I'm just so tired all the time. My poor husband, he's such a great sport and I do give in from time to time to keep him happy. Hopefully I revert back to normal after the baby is here.

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  7. Oh, you just make me laugh all the time. So sorry for the pelvic rest!!

    I'd offer to have all your non-baby making sex for you, but I seriously doubt we could keep up with your normal pace!! :)

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  8. Banned here too (at least the last I heard, due to that SCH that has probably resolved itself now). All that sex for nothing...LOL...not really nothing, but once we started TTC on "fertile" (HA!) days all those years ago, the sex started to get old. It was sad. Oh, and a heads up, after DD was born I didn't feel "normal" down there until 8 weeks...I have heard that some women heal faster...:) maybe I wil this time?

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  9. This is such a horrible restriction for you! Hope the next few months fly by. a getaway will be nice when hub is 6 weeks!

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  10. Ah you poor chick!! I must have missed you that you had been given the red flag about sex!! So sorry I asked it in one of my comments!!

    So you know, I felt pretty horny too during the pregnancy, and now...nothing. Not a horny dream to speak of (ok maybe...one or two) but the body has kind of switched off that mood! So so disappointed! I hope it'll pass soon!

    Oh and I meant to say about the nappies, we don't have a washer/dryer either but they do dry quick enough in the air (or near the radiator!), post me the link to the one you are thinking of using, I'm addicted to looking up those things!

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  11. Nobody told me this till after the fact so I'll let you in on a little secret post baby sex hurts like the dickens the first few times. I myself wasn't ready by the six week mark. And I only had a little scare tissue and tearing. Epsom salt baths are awesome for healing. I don't think these are promoted now but my MIL told me about them. Even a 5 min one is good.

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  12. Welcome to the club...We have been in this boat since the beginning...Right after Embryo x-fer...Not allowed to do anything:( So we have been banned for a while now and honestly Im not a sex addict but I def miss being intimate with my hubs so I cant wait...we are like born again virgins:)

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  13. This seriously sucks. I hope you may find some distraction until the day of green lights come and brighten your world again! I realize abstinence is no fun, but your post totally cracked me up!

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  14. I'm sorry that you are 'on the bench' for the next while. I wish I could say that we're back at it like bunnies, but even at 8 weeks, I'm just not feeling it (not to mention that the one time we did a couple of weeks ago, it hurt like crazy... and I had a c-section! What's up with that?!?!)

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