This week I have read a few posts about whether or not one is infertile after successfully achieving a viable pregnancy and subsequent child/children. Apparently, some people feel that if you are able to get pregnant, you are no longer infertile.
Ummm, really? Now, the posts I read totally disagreed with this statement, but had read it elsewhere. I do as well. Seriously. Why do I disagree?
Hmmm, let's start with the fact that Hubby and I will NEVER get to see his kind eyes or goofy smile looking back at us from the face of our child. NEVER. I haven't talked much about this, but it's not easy. We joke about the "baby daddy" and blaming all the bad traits on Mr. F1738. It's our way of coping. But it's a fact that will never change.
Another reason is that there is an excellent chance that this will be our only child, because we are not made of money. And we did not want an only child. We both had siblings, and it saddens us to think our child will be alone. We got VERY lucky. And we still hope there is a twin hiding in there somewhere. In order to have another child we have to go through hell again. This means we are, in fact, still infertile.
We try not to think about these things. We try to make light of them, joke about them. But they are always in the back of my head, eating away at me a little bit at a time. But right now? I get to be in the pregnant club. And I am going to enjoy it for as long as I can until I have to face IF reality again.
In this same vein is my identity as a sexual being. (I watched the L Word all weekend...brought up some buried feelings) In this area, I'm not as keen on labels. Mainly because it is harder to define sexuality sometimes, I think. But where the are you/aren't you thing comes into play is in my situation. My 20's were spent almost entirely with women. When I met my husband, or intermittently had boyfriends, I would get asked, "So you're straight again?"
NO! I'm still me. I'm still attracted to A PERSON, not a GENDER. I still consider myself a dyke. And I'm polyamorous. I don't like bisexual, but rather humanist, LOL. Just because I am with a man does not change my attractions. Just as being pregnant does not change the fact that I cannot have children without medical intervention.
So what does all this mean? It means I am a Pregnant Infertile Polyamorous Dyke who is married to a man. LOL. Did you catch all that?