Come one! Come all! Welcome to the PREGNANCY CIRCUS FREAK SHOW!!!
Here, for your viewing pleasure, we have....THE BEARDED LADY!
No, really. I have always been, shall we say....hirsuit. But it's out.of.control. I used to need to pluck a hair or 3 from my chin, just underneath. And there was peach fuzz on my neck. NOW???? I look like I have an Amish beard. Seriously. IT'S BAD. And embarassing. The fuzz on my belly is so not just fuzz anymore. I had to shave to attach Pancho comfortably. I am a furry beast.
Which brings me to the circus. Think about it. What pregnancy does to a body is truly freak show worthy. Extra hair. Unbelievably expanding uterus (up to 20 times its original size!!!). Not only would someone seeing me get a beard, if they visit regularly, they get to see my body grow in strange and obscene ways. OH! And then, they can watch the alien being move inside my belly. Because that's not weird AT ALL. And that's just the REALLY obvious stuff.
I refuse to wax it. Bleach maybe? And will it go away after??? Oh, goodness, I hope so. Please don't let me be saddled with a permanent beard. The unibrow and hairy mole are enough to deal with, thank you very much.
So, thank you for visiting my little freak show. That will be $5, please.