15w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE

How far along: 15 weeks 0 days Cricket is the size of a navel orange! Continuing the march toward normal proportions, baby's legs now out-measure his arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably can't feel the movements just yet.

Total weight gain/loss: According to the scale - 15 lbs. Fluctuating a bit, but I lost about 3 in the hospital.

Maternity clothes: Yes. Still have some shirts that fit, so that's a mixed bag. But pants are all maternity or stretchy.

Stretch marks: I think the ones on my thighs from puberty are starting to get worse :(

Sleep: Same old, same old. Tired all the time, but can't sleep 8 hours straight. It's a conundrum. I love naps.

Movement: I am totally on movement watch...hoping and overanalyzing...wondering if it's her, but nothing yet :(

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: I really, really want California rolls constantly. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat, and whatever doesn't agree with me on any given day.

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that! DH says boy, I say girl.

Symptoms: open up a pregnancy book and read the list of symptoms, that's me. LOL.

What I miss: Not a thing :)
Well, not tangible things.

What I look forward to: Movement. I can't WAIT!

Moods: Frustrated, mostly.

Milestones: Nothing really this week, just status quo.

Medical Concerns: Hypothyroid, anxiety, migraines. Ready for the list? Syn.throid 50 mcg, Zo.loft 75 mg, Zo.fran pump, Com.pazine suppositories 25 mg, Iron, D3, B12, Vitamin C, Folic acid, no more prenatals, Bene.fiber, stool softeners. I feel like a major pill popper.

Weekly Wisdom: Honestly, I got nothin'.

Best moment this week: Got to hear my kiddo 3 times...being sick has its advantages.

Worst moment this week: Hospital, Spike, feeling like a useless lump of flesh, money fears. It's been a really rough week.

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Say WHAT?!

Let me just say that I have done all the fun that goes along with IVF and IF. Including the giant needle up the hoo-ha part. So when Dr. Head said he had to ask me a weird question I told him to go for it.

Dr. Head: How do you feel about anal suppositories?
Me: Ummm, okay.

Yeah, you read that correctly.

Because my day wasn't complete without sending my poor hubby into the pharmacy for, well, butt drugs and rubber gloves.

But let me back up. Spike hates me today, and I got to freak out some more people at Dr. Head's office with my fantastic dry-heaving abilities. He was surprised the hospital released me without seeing any improvement or giving me more morphine and some compazine like he had ordered. Oh, well.

Remember the vitamin levels he wanted checked? Apparently they weren't as okay as we want. So, I am anemic, and quite low on D3, mildly low on B12. Starting this evening we are canning the prenatals (GASP!) and switching me to D3, B12, and Iron supps. Along with Folic Acid and Vit. C to round it out. That's 5 pills instead of one. Sigh. Oh, and the iron could cause constipation...LMAO...so much for ALMOST being regular.

And lets not forget the suppositories! Comp.azine up the butt for when Spike is severe. I could use it right now, but honestly...just not ready to take that plunge today.

I am stoked to have a plan. It can take up to 2 weeks to see results, but it had better work in 10 days, because I NEED to go back to work. Even with approval of STD...well, we have another road block. Yeah, you heard me.

Hubby does shelf stocking, independent contractor. They are pulling his partial mileage reimbursement and cutting back on his shifts, for a whopping 50% decrease in paycheck! Starting the day I am supposed to go back to work. Now, he can claim the mileage for taxes, but it just balances out the taxes (so we hope), and to lose that much income is going to hurt...a LOT. We got that official word today. Sigh.

Breathing in and out and focusing on getting better. That's all I can do right at the moment, so that is the plan.

OH! OB appointment Tuesday was pretty routine. Listened to Cricket, who was on the left like I said she would be. The OB thought it was weird I know where Cricket hangs out. But I was right, so take that doctor lady. Poor woman did this in the dark because I couldn't handle the lights. I thought they would do the measure the fundus thing, but she didn't. *shrug* It just seemed kinda...perfunctory. Then again, I had just left the hospital 24 hours earlier. What do I know. Anyway, as usual, Cricket is great, kickin' Mama's ass.

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Worry

Okay, so here is my fear. I am just about out of FMLA because of all the shit this year. Hubby doesn't have insurance, and we cannot be without, so if they have to let me go we have to look into private, or do COBRA. We can't be turned down now for pre-existing conditions, but if I can't get paid, we can't afford it. Ack! Freaking out a bit. May try to call HR directly this morning and get a straight answer.

Spike has been behaving while I take it easy, but I know going into work will send me over the edge again. Really, really, REALLY freaking out.

Neurologist later and then I will update you on that and Tuesday's OB appointment.

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Save The Date

Well, our Level II Anatomy Scan (ie next u/s) is officially scheduled for Friday, Dec 3rd at 8am. I will be 19 weeks and 6 days if I looked at the calendar correctly. I can't wait!

Anywho, updates. I am taking it VERY easy, and Spike (migraine) is fluctuating between a 3 and an 8. All over the place, no apparent triggers given that I am in total bum mode. I am incredibly thankful for Net.flix, and sad that I am sorely lacking in friends to come entertain me. But I have you all, so I am at least able to keep up better for a bit.

I may have to kill my dog. He barks LOUDLY. It hurts. And the neighbors yell a lot. But again homicide is not really an option. Earplugs, however, are. My friend brought some from work for me.

I want to finally finish Niece's gifts, but looking down at crochet work hurts...going to try, though, so I can begin working on things for Cricket.

I am awaiting word on my leave application from work, and have applied for short term disability. They can't fire me, right? I mean, they have to just figure out a way to cover it, right??? Women are out during pregnancy alllll the time!

I am off to continue vegging and trying not to kill my dog. Chica is packing to move today or early tomorrow...I don't want to nap and miss time with her, but I might have to. I will be sad to see her go :(

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This Is Not How Imagined My Pregnancy

Saturday I felt GREAT all day. No vomit, migraine at a minimum, great mood. It was a rough 2nd half of the day...angry customers galore. By 9pm, the migraine (it is going to need a name soon!) Was spiking badly. I made it the rest of my shift and went home to bed.

Sleep barely happened. Migraine stayed. On the pain scale, I left for work at about a 6, having thrown up multiple times already. We were off the phones first part of the shift, me still vomiting. Got on the phones, and within 5 minutes being in front of the computer with a headset on I was vomiting fluids into the trash every few minutes. After half an hour I had to get someone to take over my call.

I called the on-call OB number, and no surprise, was told to go to the ER. I had to wait for Hubby, so I just curled up in a bathroom stall. Finally got to the ER, waited an hour for a bed, and then about 90 more minutes for actual meds. Morphine, the usual. But this time all it did was make me loopy, migraine be damned.

I pretty much told them that I wasn't going anywhere without a plan, so they admitted me, and I think I had a room around 8:30.

No more pain meds, just fluids. NPO, meaning no food or water. I had to fight until the middle of the night for ice chips. I saw umpteen doctors, and bonus: Hubby saw Cricket in the ER and they checked her hb again on the floor, right where I said she would be, way on the left. (Oh! Are you feeling movement? No, I have bursitis in my left hip, so I know when she's over there.)

So, umpteen doctors and almost no sleep. I did see the neurologist (Dr. Head from now on) who I am supposed to see Thursday. He double-checked my bloodwork (and man i have some awesome bruises from all the needles), and I know the following: NOT dehydrated, all vitamin levels he wanted checked (B12, iron, Vitamin D) perfectly normal. That basically killed all of his theories. He is waiting for the results to be sent over from the CT I had in February. At least I am pretty sure I had one then...I had a concussion at the time, so the memory is a little fuzzy.

Migraine has stayed at a 6-10 consistently since Saturday night. I was released yesterday around 4 because, well, they can't do a DAMN thing for me. All meds are unsafe for Cricket. My Zo.loft is being upped because it MAY help.

Here is the kicker. I cannot return to work, indefinitely. We are starting with 2 weeks off and seeing if I improve. One of the doctors said there is a chance I may be out for the duration...

I cried. Now, I don't like my job, not even remotely, but we can't have me unpaid. I am essentially out of FMLA. I will be talking to HR and the leave administrators today, hoping I can draw disability, though if memory serves correctly, there is a 1 week hold time.

So, while it's not bed rest, given that I can barely move without triggering a spike in the gremlin in my head, it might as well be. My DH has banned me from cleaning, cooking, etc, for AT LEAST the next 2 weeks.

I spent how much time hoping to be pregnant??? I always thought I would be all happy and glowy, and instead I am so sick I can't work. To say I am upset and frustrated and scared is an understatement. The only good part is that Cricket is doing well, and I really can't ask for more, right?

OB today, Dr. Head Thursday. I will let you know what is next in the lineup.

Oh, and for those of you wondering, the thing near my belly button in the pic the other day is the injection site for Pancho, and his tubing.

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It's A Small World

I have regularly talked in the past about the importance of being out about IF, and consequently the lives we find we touch by allowing THEM to open up.

Everyone and their mother that we meet know Cricket is an IVF baby, and in some cases, a DS baby. Not only have I come across a number of people and acquaintances who have had some run-in with IF, but the medical professionals in my life are hardcore IF veterans.

2 weeks ago at the ER, our doctor had done IVF unsuccessfully, and ended up adopting 6 kids through foster care. My nurse who handles Pancho was on the verge of pursuing IVF when she was offered a private adoption. They are now in the midst of a 2nd adoption.

Today in the ER (I will explain later), our nurse tech it turns out was conceived after her parents went through 2 years of fertility treatments. And my night nurse up on the floor (I promise to explain, but don't worry, Cricket is great) tried for years and with treatments for children. They finally got a BFP only to miscarry and have lived childfree since then.

These are just the most recent examples.

What's my point? Being open allows others to be open, and perhaps to say something honestly for the first time to someone who GETS IT. Sometimes that little connection can make a day.

Think about it. Try it, maybe. Just once...you might be surprised.

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Boring Blogger

I came to the realization that I have become a BORING BLOGGER. 

GASP!!! HORRORS!!!! SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!!!!!!!!

I've been looking at my recent posts...pregnancy updates, baby stuff, whiny/bitchy posts.  What happened to the "I write about everything and post photos and am interesting" Blogger? 

I've become the dreaded can't keep up and have baby on the brain Blogger.

So, I need to change that.  Because while it's now a HUGE part of my life, it's not all, and there are GOOD things in my life outside this...if I think really hard and avoid all the stressy stuff.  It's just hard to avoid them. 

Anyway, I'm going to try and start utilizing the camera on my phone to capture things and post to the other blog,  and try to get back into some theme days to break out of my BORING routine.  I've been meaning to get that rolling and just have sucked at it. 

Thanks for sticking through this very un-exciting blog time...I will be doing my best to get better.  Please let me know if there are any memes you'd like to see me do :)

Here's to finding the me buried inside the bigger, food-consuming baby-obsessed me.

14w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE


How far along: 14 weeks 0 days - Cricket's the size of a lemon! Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine, and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys, and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over her body for warmth.

Total weight gain/loss: According to the scale - 18 lbs. Eek. But 3 of that was in 2 days...can you say water retention and bloat???

Maternity clothes: Yes. Still have some shirts that fit, so that's a mixed bag. But pants are all maternity or stretchy.

Stretch marks: I think the ones on my thighs from puberty are starting to get worse :(

Sleep: Same old, same old. Tired all the time, but can't sleep 8 hours straight. It's a conundrum. I love naps.

Movement: I am totally on movement watch...hoping and overanalyzing...wondering if it's her.

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: For the most part it's just a matter of finding something I can tolerate. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat, and whatever doesn't agree with me on any given day.

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that! DH says boy, I say girl.

Symptoms: BBs are a bit sore again, but so used to it it's not a problem. Otherwise, alllllll the same stuff :)  Pancho's effectiveness is hit or miss, it seems, based on how bad my head is.  The excessive boogers have joined me, as well as massive chest pimples, LOL.  SEXY!!!

What I miss: Not a thing :) Okay, maybe free access to caffeinated tea...man, it's sooooo yummy!

What I look forward to: Movement. I can't WAIT!

Moods: Not too bad this week, actually! 

Milestones: Nothing really this week, just status quo.

Medical Concerns: Still taking my Syn.throid at 50mcg. To be tested again next trimester. Zo.loft 50mg. Bu.talb for migraines, every 6 hours if needed. Stool softeners. And the new addition of Pancho, the Zo.fran pump, which annoying and painful, is helping me FINALLY stop the constant puking. Which is VERY exciting! Because this in turn is helping with the migraines! KNOCK ON WOOD.

Weekly Wisdom: Make sure I get my fluids in because otherwise I am REALLY thirsty in the middle of the night and end up guzzling liquid when I should be sleeping and peeing every hour which leads to VERY interrupted sleep -- me preparing for midnight feedings?

Best moment this week: Realizing that my belly is growing and it's noticeable enough that Hubby asked me about a scar that is normally way INSIDE my belly button, but not so much anymore. It's working it's way to the OUTSIDE of my belly button.  LOL.

Worst moment this week: Still being pretty sick overall, but making some improvement.  Tuesday we went to register, and I have discovered that if Cricket sits on my left side it is excruciating because of the bursitis in my hip.  I got escorted out of Buy Buy Baby.  LOL.  I could barely walk and they made me go home and rest, so we aren't finished registering.  It just frustrates me to not have any way to avoid things like that.  There was NOTHING I could do to make it better, and it took 2 days of lying on my right side to be "okay" again.  This child is kicking my arse!

For your viewing pleasure....week 14 photo :)

Weirdness

Before I dive in, no, I'm not doing ICLW.  I'm still trying to figure out how to catch up with a week and a half of posts.  I think I may have to bail and just start with, say, yesterday, and hope I didn't miss too much.  Anywho...

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you know all about the Frog and Pixie saga (and no, I'm not linking back...I don't feel like tracking down the posts).  Summary: DH and I have an open marriage.  F&P were my lovers.  Then things went BAD.

Recently, I opened a door I didn't realize I was opening.  When Frog was in the hospital, Hubby and I checked in with them regularly.  They don't really have any friends outside of work. We were it.  And with a new baby...we wanted to make sure they were okay.  Hubby even did an emergency cat food run for them. 

I mentioned that Frog gave me a thank you note, but didn't even look at me.  And remember I mentioned sending them a thank you for helping us get here by referring us to our RE.  And then dropped off the crib.  I thanked him for it at work, and he just kinda blew it off.  But called DH to come help fix it....yeah, they will talk to him, but not me.  At all.  Then we got MORE stuff from them: swing, changing table, and high chair, plus a few random clothes.  And Mikey met the baby (he's sooooo excited to have our own tiny being here after seeing the itty bitty one).  But I'm out in the cold.

WHY???????  I don't UNDERSTAND!  Now, I am incredibly grateful for the donations.  They are incredibly generous.  And I wouldn't turn them away. And I suppose I opened that door.  But when there was no contact, I wasn't questioning things.  And there was no drama.  And I was TOTALLY fine with that.  Now I don't know what.  Because it's quite obvious they still don't want contact with me.  Then why the donations?  I don't understand. 

Any thoughts???

Dear Baby #2

Dear Cricket,

Well, my love, we have successfully made it to the 2nd trimester, which makes your mama and daddy very much relieved.  I have been in a much improved mood knowing that the chances of losing you have diminished greatly.  Getting to hear your little heart twice last week didn't hurt.  And nice move with the hide and seek game with the doppler.  I can tell you are going to be a handful.

At this point, your daddy is convinced you are a boy.  I think you are a girl.  So we refer to you with different names and pronouns, which amuses the heck out of both of us!  Please don't be sneaky and reveal your parts at the next ultrasound, okay? 

You'll be relieved to know that you have somewhere to sleep when you arrive home, mulitple places, actually!  We are slowly gaining a whole lot of hand-me-down furniture for you.  No snobbery here!  My favorite is your wooden cradle.  Every time I see it, I smile and rub my expanding midsection (YOU!!!).

Speaking of which, it's becoming pretty obvious that I have not just eaten a large meal.  Or, rather, it looks constantly like I've eaten a very large meal.  The pudge is slowly getting mroe solid, and I am definitely looking slightly pregnant.  I love it.  LOVE IT!  And while I can't wait to meet you, I am also REALLY enjoying this whole experience (ummm, okay, maybe not the fact that I've been sick as a dog, but hey, if it gets me to you, then so be it).

Your grandparents have picked out their names, what they want you to call them :)  It's a mixed bag, but let's just say, they are all just as unique as you, and only 1 Grandma in the bunch!  We have a Nana, a PopPop, a Pappy, an Opa, and a couple first names.  Don't worry, we can't keep everyone straight either.  There are a lot of grandparents and aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Don't worry, eventually they will all make sense!  Well, I don't know if THEY will make sense, but you'll get the names straight eventually.  Family NEVER makes sense, might as well learn that now!

We have officially started registering, but since you INSISTED on sitting on my left side, I couldn't walk, and I was darn near escorted off the premises and told to go rest.  So, I'm doing some from home.  But the scanner is sooooo much fun!  Anyway, kiddo, welcome to the "easy" trimester (I'll believe it if I start to feel better).  Can't wait to feel you moving around in there. 

Love,

Mama

13w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE

How far along: 13 weeks 0 days - Cricket is the size of a peach! Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy.

Total weight gain/loss: According to the scale - 15 lbs. Eek.

Maternity clothes: Yes. Still have some shirts that fit, so that's a mixed bag. But pants are all maternity or stretchy.

Stretch marks: way too early for those! Keeping an eye on the puberty-induced ones, though. And have started the Cocoa Butter applications daily.

Sleep: Same old, same old. Tired all the time, but can't sleep 8 hours straight. It's a conundrum. I love naps.

Movement: way too early for that! But I can't wait :)

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: For the most part it's just a matter of finding something I can tolerate. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat, and whatever doesn't agree with me on any given day.

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that! DH says boy, I say girl.

Symptoms: BBs are a bit sore again, but so used to it it's not a problem.  Otherwise, alllllll the same stuff :)

What I miss: Not a thing :)

What I look forward to: Movement.  I can't WAIT!  And a REAL bump.

Moods: Irritable beyond belief, interspersed with sappy crying.

Milestones: End of first trimester!!  Woot woot!  HUGE sigh of relief.

Medical Concerns: Still taking my Syn.throid at 50mcg. To be tested again next trimester. Zo.loft 50mg.  Bu.talb for migraines, every 6 hours if needed.  Stool softeners. And the new addition of Pancho, the Zo.fran pump, which annoying and painful, is helping me FINALLY stop the constant puking.  Which is VERY exciting!  Because this in turn is helping with the migraines!  KNOCK ON WOOD.

Weekly Wisdom: If they want to give you morphine, say yes.  If they want to hook you up to a thingy and it works, say yes.  Stop fighting the doctors, woman! 

Best moment this week: 2 sneaky listens to Cricket's heart thumping away.  And being amused that she was playing hide and seek with the doppler.  Also pretty stoked about the cradle.  It's by the bed, so every night it makes me smile, and every morning.

Worst moment this week: ER again, hello.  I haven't had a migraine like that in 10 years.

My Week In Pictures

I'm sorry I haven't been around. Rough week, feeling like poo.  I will try to start getting caught up with everyone soon.  Here is my bizarre weekend:

 Here is the cradle we had donated to us this week:)  How fantastic is this???  The bedding is handmade.  She also gave us some clothes and stuff.  Plus, Frog and Pixie apparently have a high chair, swing, and changing table for us - I don't get it, but not arguing.  This was the GOOD part of my week.

This is my fabulous ER bracelet.  Yes, another trip to the ER.  Tuesday night.  My migraine was out of control, I couldn't stop vomiting, and the on-call doc sent me in.  Morphine got me back down to a manageable level, and sent me home. Migraine back the next morning, so I spent Wednesday resting. and I'm just trying to keep it from getting terrible again.  The doc wants me to see a Headache specialist - they are booked through the new year.  NOT HELPFUL.  Grrr.  Add that trip to the pile of medical bills. 

See this?  This is my sexy new accessory.  I've named him Pancho, my trusty sidekick.  Pancho's job is to ease my vomit sessions.  Touch and go so far, but it's only been 24 hours.  Pancho and I are going to be good buddies.  We go to the bathroom together, take meals together, we even sleep together!  I kick him out when it's time to shower, though.  You're jealous, and I know it.  Because every morning I have to test my pee and weigh myself and report in like a good little girl.  Yup, you're jealous.  Hubby was very curious about my new pee catcher in the bathroom. 







The bonus to the ER trip leading to an extra OB trip and the nurse coming to install Pancho?  2 opportunities to listen to Cricket.  Wednesday she was way over on the left side.  Thursday she wouldn't hold still and it took forever.  Everytime they would start to pick her up on the doppler (they could see the rate), she'd move and we couldn't hear her.  She was playing hide and seek!  So Cricket is apparently doing quite well :)  That made me happy :)  Hubby didn't get to be there :( 

So, I've just wanted to sit on my bum, rest, and try to feel okay.  I hope I haven't missed anything major, and perhaps after my crazy work week I'll be able to try and catch up.  I'll just start with Tuesday and hope I haven't missed anything really big.  I'm sorry guys.  The exhaustion and everything just finally caught up to me, and today am back at work.  I will be back in the saddle soon, I promise.

12w0d

I should write about poop more often.  LOL.  Many great comments yesterday; thank you for all the ideas! 

WEEKLY UPDATE


How far along: 12 weeks 0 days - Cricket is the size of a plum!

Total weight gain/loss: According to the scale - 13-14 lbs.  Eek.  If you take away the 10 lbs they WANTED me to gain, 4 lbs.  But I don't know how to count it. 

Maternity clothes: Yes.  Still have some shirts that fit, so that's a mixed bag.  But pants are all maternity or stretchy.

Stretch marks: way too early for those!  Keeping an eye on the puberty-induced ones, though.  And have started the Cocoa Butter applications daily.

Sleep: Same old, same old.  Tired all the time, but can't sleep 8 hours straight.  It's a conundrum.  I love naps.

Movement: way too early for that! But I can't wait :)

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: For the most part it's just a matter of finding something I can tolerate. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat, and whatever doesn't agree with me on any given day.

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that! DH says boy, I say girl.

Symptoms: Nothing new, though the BBs have stopped hurting.  Still growing.  To give you an idea, before we started treatement I could fit into a 32B.  Bought a new bra the other day, just a smidge big to allow for growth, 38C.  Yeah....Still vomiting if I'm not horizontal.  Moving cars and flourescent lights are my enemy.  Non-stop headache.  And, as you know, constipation.  LOL. 

What I miss: Not a thing :)

What I look forward to: Passing the first trimester :), and actually LOOKING pregnant, as opposed to just like I've put on weight. This is starting to happen, and only 1 more week left in first tri.  How is it going so fast??

Moods: Irritable beyond belief, interspersed with sappy crying.

Milestones: 12 weeks, which for many is end of first tri, but I count next week. 

Medical Concerns: Still taking my Syn.throid at 50mcg. To be tested again next trimester. 8mg Zo.fran every 12 hours for nausea...ummm, yeah, it lessens it A BIT but I am still puking like a champ. Zo.loft 50 mg...hoping that helps again with my anxiety...which in turn should help with some other symptoms.  Called the doctor yesterday after throwing up 5 times by 3:30 pm.  Got the on-call guy, who talked about a Zo.fran pump.  I don't think I'll do it.  But I think the vomiting is here for the long haul.

Weekly Wisdom: I've got nothing this week.  Honestly, not much has changed, so it's just a matter of same old.

Best moment this week: Free crib!  Well, it needs repairs, and right now is functioning in pieces as fabulous doggy gates, but it's a crib nonetheless!

Worst moment this week: Still sick as a dog, worried I'm in that for the long haul.

Belly Pic:  Oh, yeah, the bloat is back.  Why is all the weight at belly button or higher when the baby is still so low?  Seriously, all gas.  LOL.  I am going to be ENORMOUS.

Constipation Station

That is going to be the new name for my blog.  Seriously.  Remember I said yesterday that I got a migraine from pooping?  It was finally (mostly) resolved yesterday.  And then this morning happened. 

45 minutes.

45 minutes of yelling, sweating, crying, pleading, grunting fun.  It took me THAT LONG to get enough out of my system to allow me to walk upright again.  I am waiting for a call back to let me know if I can use a stool softener.  Because this is INSANE. 

And TMI.  I know that.  But seriously?  I have always been regular.  Really regular. 2-3 times a day regular.  Oh, body, the things you are doing to me are simply amazing.  I was on the verge of begging Hubby for an enema.  I'm serious.  Frighteningly serious.  I thought, "At least it will get the beast OUT OF ME!!!" 

I have described migraines as having a gremlin or 2 inside my head/upper back, trying to claw its way out.  Not the cute fuzzy Gizmo type of gremlin.  The fed-after-midnight type.  All claws and fangs.  Well, now there is also one living in my intestines and colon. 

Gremlins, please go away.  A little bit.  Please....

Warning: Minor Debbie Downer Ahead

I don't have a catchy title today, nothing clever in my head.  Today is the first day in a little over a week I haven't had a migraine/tension headache and the accompanying back pain.  Well, not incapacitating, anyway.  A migraine induced by an attempt to take a dump.  Seriously.  What's funny is that my ticker says something about constipation...it's soooooo not lying. 

So now, Spazz and Punky AREN'T moving in - so he's moving his stuff back out.  He is afraid between working with DH and living with DH that their friendship will suffer, so he's not moving in.  They aren't moving in.  And he is cutting back the hours he works with Hubby, so that saves us money...I guess it's a compromise.  I'm worried about how that is going to affect Hubby's back.  I just don't know...I understand, I do, but ugh.

Turns out the crib is from FROG!!!  Yeah.  Weird.  And he called Hubby today...wants to help him fix it.  I think he's lonely, and scared after his time in the hospital and wants a friend again.  Not that he'll speak to me.  I'm still the bad person.  He lost 35 lbs in the hospital from the high fever, and they still have to test him for leukemia.  Why this hasn't been done yet if they think it's a possibility is beyond  me.  Anyway, I guess he and Hubby are going to be buds now, and I honestly don't know how I feel about that...

So I guess what I'm saying, is that overall, I just don't know about things, life, MY life right now.  I'm worried about finances and the car, I don't want drama, and I simply don't understand why things upset me so much.  The ONLY reason I managed to get off the couch today is because Chica is here and helps me to be productive.  It's as though the brain can't let the good in.  I've only been back on the Zo.loft a little over a week, though, so I know not to expect miracles.  And I hope the lower dose does the job, I really do.  I worry a lot about the possibility of post-partum depression, honestly. 

Do you ever wonder how you got here?  Do you look around and wonder, "How did my life get here?"

Random Acts of Vandalism and Kindness

Calliope wrote a post the other day about a fantastic day where some perfect strangers made her day with acts of kindness.  People like that hold the key to your day in their hands. 

Unfortunately, so do the not-so-kind people. 

Sunday we had a little of both in our house.  I got a text from Hubby saying to see if I could get a ride home from work.  When I probed, it turned out that one of our tires had been slashed (most likely cause of its demise).  Booooo.  Added to the ever-growing pile of things we need to take care of, this made me not such a happy camper. 

Hubby finally got home from schlupping around for work on a donut to find...

a CRIB in our yard. 

Seriously :)  A FREE crib.  It's seen better days, and needs a bit of repair, but how awesome is that?  After some digging we found out where it came from, and that we may be receiving more donations as they clear things out from a garage sale that didn't yield the results they were hoping for.  Coolio, as far as I'm concerned! 

Our house is starting to look like a garage sale.  LOL.  Chica's stuff is all in bags as she works on getting it packed to fit in her car to drive to Texas whenever that happens.  We are moving stuff around so that Spazz and Punky can fit in.  An extra (pooping in the house) dog.  Oh, yeah.  Good times.  LOL. 

But we have a crib!  Ummm, and a tire to fix. 

Perfect Moment Monday

I had a post planned for today since I have been slacking on this meme. And then I checked the news this morning and this jumped out at me, and so my perfect moment today is this:

Pioneer Of In Vitro Fertilization Wins Nobel Prize

The man who made my baby possible, and those of many of our bloggy friends, is being honored today, and that is pretty damn perfect.

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11w0d

WEEKLY UPDATE


How far along: 11 weeks 0 days

Total weight gain/loss: 11 lbs....eek!  But in my defense, IVF meds didn't help.  Plus the clinic TOLD me I should put on weight.  The question now is...how do I get it under control?  Doc said no more than 25-30 lbs from here on out.  But I'm HUNGRY!  Skinny girl gets to eat!

Maternity clothes: ummm, yeah, I have NO pants left that fit comfortably except stretch or drawstring pants, so anything else is all maternity at this point. Belly band be damned, these are more comfortable. Shirts are touch and go. The funny thing is that I woke up yesterday morning and my belly was significantly smaller.  Apparently I got rid of some bloat.  LOL.

Stretch marks: way too early for those!

Sleep: As often as possible!!! I mean, that, too. Work days are long, so my days off are usually spent napping...with short bursts of being awake. LOL. I am having trouble sleeping at night...I wake up to pee 3-4 times a night!

Movement: way too early for that! But I can't wait :)

Cravings/Aversions: Cravings: For the most part it's just a matter of finding something I can tolerate. Aversions: Stinky odors, red meat...

Gender: at this point, we have decided not to find out...let's see if we hold steadfast to that!  DH says boy, I say girl.

Symptoms: Hmmm, all the usual suspects, nothing terribly new, but also, no lessening of first trimester stuff.  I am trying REALLY hard not to complain, because I know what it took to get here, but it's difficult when I throw up all day every day.  It's a running joke at work, because I put customers on mute and dry heave all day. 

What I miss: Not a thing :)

What I look forward to: Passing the first trimester :), and actually LOOKING pregnant, as opposed to just like I've put on weight. I am going to go nuts waiting for the next u/s in 9.5 weeks!

Moods: Irritable beyond belief, interspersed with sappy crying.

Milestones: Seeing a baby-shaped u/s picture! 

Medical Concerns: Still taking my Syn.throid at 50mcg. To be tested again next trimester.  8mg Zo.fran every 12 hours for nausea...ummm, yeah, it lessens it A BIT but I am still puking like a champ. Zo.loft 50 mg...hoping that helps again with my anxiety...which in turn should help with some other symptoms.

Weekly Wisdom: I had something really good for this...and now I can't remember.  There you go! That's one.  Write things down because my brain is a sieve.  LOL. 

Best moment this week: Dancing Baby!!!!  So amazing to see a baby shape dancing around inside me.  It's so surreal and yet sooooo amazing!

Worst moment this week: Migraines and non-stop vomit-fest.  Ugh.

No belly pic this week (though I took one) because it looks smaller than last week.  LOL.  Bloat reduction!  Plus, at this stage, well, it's redundant.  Think I'll try every 2-3 weeks so changes are visible.  This whole journey is so bizarre...not having control over the things happening to my body, feeling like absolute crap but happy that I am.  It's crazy!  Learning to reliquish control is VERY difficult for me, but I'd better get used to it!

Bullet Point Friday

Nothing terribly exciting going on, so just going to touch base on some things.  Oh, bullet points, you are awesome!

• Spazz started moving some of his stuff in - once we can get a dehumidifier for the basement and they track down a toddler bed, they will complete move-in.
• Chica was supposed to move in, then not, but then her transfer to TX got pushed back, so she is with us temporarily...with the dog...who doesn't like change so much.  Desperately need to steam clean....soooo stinky.
• We are without an oven until we can get a replacement heater coil in the bottom - stove still works, but really?  With hubby's paycheck late and the stinking car repairs, we really didn't need that.
• My husband has rocked my world putting up with my ridiculous cravings....much loves to him! 
• Still haven't managed to check out mint.com - but computer is on its way to being fixed!!!  Which means I can soon so we aren't (hopefully) always scraping the bottom of the barrel.
• My dad has offered up his pick-up truck for all baby-related furniture pickups as we start to get stuff from Craigslist and whatnot.  Go Dad!  Because can't you just see us trying to get a crib in the Hyun.dai?  LOL. 
• I REALLY want to get out and go for a hike...favorite season, etc etc etc...one shared day off a week makes it hard.  Especially when I need to go see my dad, pick up some baby items, etc.  Hopefully week after next...maybe I won't be puking non-stop by then, too.  *FINGERS CROSSED*
• I did it.  I sent a thank you card from me and DH to Frog and Pixie.  I'm not expecting anything back, but I did it. 

Ummm, so that's it.  Just kinda a blah, whatever kind of week.  *shrug*.  Happy Weekend to all of you "normal" people!