That is Infertility after pregnancy. We got our miracle. We survived hell. We are blessed, and know it every moment of every day. Big sigh of relief. The memories are there, but at this moment, a bandage is over the wound, and life is easier.
And then comes the question:
"Are you going to have more?"
RIP. Off comes the bandage.
Hey, world, remember what it took to get here? Our baby didn't cure anything. To my knowledge, my husband still has a genetic condition and my tubes are still blocked. Thus, STILL INFERTILE.
Don't get me wrong. We are so incredibly lucky to have come through this relatively unscathed. But our dream is 2 children. Peanut's sibling(s) are inside a tube, stored inside a cannister of liquid nitrogen. Held captive by money we don't have, and conditions that are far from ideal.
We can't just jump back in the sack, have a few drinks, and get pregnant. The financial considerations don't end with affording an FET. We now know going in that we would be considered high risk, and perhaps also Advanced Maternal Age depending on timing. We have to consider months of me on bed rest, and whether we can afford that again. Is it fair to my husband, to my child, to put them through that? Is it healthy for me? Physically, emotionally.
Most people have to consider financial aspects, yes. But ours go so far beyond daycare. And the potential emotional toll has to be seriously weighed. Can we go through a cycle and handle it not working? Right now we have these embryos dangling in front of us, hope the size of the head of a pin. If we try, and fail, then all we have is a road closed to us. Right now there are just potholes on that road.
So no, we are not cured. We are in remission. A tourniquet has been applied. Moving forward, we know the risks, we know the path, we know the challenges. We don't have to handle the diagnosis all over again, but the rest? Still there.
"Oh, crap, I'm pregnant."
"You want my kids?"
"Be glad you don't have to go through pregnancy again!"
RIP. Off comes the bandage.
Learn more about Infertility here: http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/takecharge
I am so happy you found my blog, and now I have yours! Your peanut is so precious! I love the blog, and I can't wait to catch up on the journey. :)
ReplyDeleteOh I totally hear you!! I just wanted to jump through the computer and strangle that poster on your FB status today!!!
ReplyDeleteOh...I didn't see the post on FB. But ugh! People suck! I have doctors and nurses telling me I should get on birth control...uh, hello? I am infertile. Having a child doesn't cure that, you are right about that! People have argued with me about this very thing, like having a kid means I am not infertile. I did get lucky, both times! The stars must have aligned...
ReplyDeleteGreat post. My life was jeopardized with this little man, do I put myself through the chance that happens again so I can have a few more feet running around my house? I am struggling with that a little...
The last part of your post really resonated with me. Your words are so eloquent and powerful and I really get it. In the deepest part of my heart I feel like our little family of three is not done growing and I'm terrified by the though of starting all over, no diagnosis necessary like you said, but the financial and emotional struggle and the stress and physical and mental turmoil that goes along with it seem too much to bear.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post. Thanks for busting this myth.
ReplyDelete"Peanut's sibling(s) are inside a tube, stored inside a cannister of liquid nitrogen. Held captive by money we don't have, and conditions that are far from ideal." - Beautifully worded.Often people just don't have a clue when in comes to IF treatment and the stress and hurdles that come with it.
You asked me if you could share my myth. Yes, you may share mine if you like.