FNL: Rainbows To The Rescue

• I haven't dyed my hair since shortly before P was born.  There are A LOT of shiny silver hairs going all haywire up there.  I always forget how many there are and how old they make me feel.  Oh, well.  I earned them!
• Can someone please come winterize my garden for me?  Thanks.
• I have gotten more bug bites since Labor Day than the whole of summer.  WTF?  The lady doth protest.
• Not gonna lie...this single parenting thing is OVERWHELMING.  I feel that P is not getting enough of my attention as I try to keep up with everything on my own.
• My ability to have absolutely no filters on Twitter would frighten Hubby if he knew the things I shared.  My family, too.  They think I overshare to them?  Ha!
• Speaking of which, I want to thank everyone on there for cheering me on to pop the cherry!
• I am seemingly incapable of NOT tracking my cycle.  It's pointless and unneeded.  But it is now ingrained in me.  I am on CD40, and I swear I O'd 3x this cycle!  This is based on EWCM.  My body thinks it is pregnant.  Which is horrid if you aren't because it is a tease with all the bad symptoms.  Whatever.  I blame breastfeeding.  What else could it be?  Then again, no cramps and bleeding isn't so bad.
• I was told today at work that I am negative for pointing out some truths.  Not complaining even.  Just being straight-forward.  I smile all the time.  I encourage people.  I don't whine about the fact that I am exhausted and in pain ALL. THE. TIME.  I defend myself, yes.  But I really am positive almost all of the time.  But we all need to vent sometimes!  It really annoyed me.  And upset me.  It seemed like a very blindered view of my personality.  I bust my ass for something I do not enjoy, and there is "always room for improvement".  Sigh.  It's like sweeping away a flood with a broom: pointless. 
• Sometimes, on phone calls at work, I feel like I am talking to a wall where what I say is completely not received/comprehended.  Or it is totally ignored.  *it pays the rent it pays the rent it pays the rent*
• I saw a gigantic double rainbow after a storm yesterday (and, incidentally, the coolest clouds in a long time!).   I immediately thought that they had to be tidings of good omens.  I was right.
• Hubby officially has his CDL permit and drove for the first time yesterday.
• AND!  He won his SSD appeal for the time he was unable to work before and after his surgery.  We are owed 23 months of back pay for that time, less lawyer fees.  Did you just see me grow a couple inches?  Yeah, HUGE weight off.  I have no idea the amount or the time frame, but this is amazing.  
• Thank you rainbows.  And thank you storm clouds for giving me rainbows...

Fluff Review

I have been meaning to do this post for some time now.  A sort of overview of the cloth diapers we have used/are using.
So, to start...

CLOTH DIAPERS

bumGenius: I have about 10 of the 3.0's, and a couple AIO.  I use the 3.0 for overnights exclusively.  Double stuffed.  (You know, like an oreo!).  With very few exceptions he can go 10 hours easily overnight in these without leaks.  There are occasional ones, but no system is fool proof.  A note of importance: we do not use BG doublers...we use another full-size insert for greater coverage.  One of the things I adore about these is that the moisture wicks through to the inserts and keeps his bum/wobbly bits fairly dry, even with the dype being on for so long.  Downfall: BULKY.  But hey, I cloth diaper, he's going to have a fluffy bum :-)

Nubunz: I have...9 of these I think?  That seems to be what I remember buying.  Anywho, these are very similar to BG in design.  However, they are not as absorbent.  On the other hand, they are slimmer in fit!  We tried them for overnights...FAIL.  So, they are daytime diapers.  We double stuff these as well, but only because P is a heavy wetter.  It just makes everyone's lives easier.  Fewer full clothing changes.  I like them :-)  Plus, fun colors!  At least the ones I have.  Lime green?  Yes, please!

Apple Cheeks: I only have a couple of these.  I would honestly love to have more.  They are good for daycare as well, and super trim.  I have size 1 - supposed to go up to 20 lbs.  As I am learning, with ANY sizing, these are ESTIMATES. P is (I hope) not yet 20 lbs, but we are getting into some serious difficulties with fitting into these right now.  They take inserts as well, loading from the middle.  I would prefer if there was a little more PUL right around the legs.  I see more leakage on these than the nubunz at this point.  But, with double stuffing, it's not too bad.  Definitely not an overnight winner, though. NOTE: For size 1, I have found the doublers that BG makes actually fit perfectly into the stuff slot on these!  They are a smidge shorter, perfect for these!!!

Kushies: These are an AIO dype. There is a built-in flap, basically providing an extra layer.  For girls you leave it flat, for boys, fold up.  Now, it says to fold it for more protection, obviously in the front, for my boy.  Which means it would fasten in the back, like gDiapers (yes, I will cover these).  But...it doesn't look like they are supposed to, and I just leave the flap down.  The flap also will accommodate an insert for more absorbency! *Shrug*  Either way, they are a good daytime dype as well.  No stuffing/unstuffing, which is nice.  Sometimes velcro is rough because it wears out, but on an AIO it's nice because it mimics a disposable - easy on, easy off!  I likey! 

SposoEasy: These are very much like the Kushies.  They ALSO have a flap.  Again, if folding the flap, it appears that you fasten the diapers IN THE BACK.  Which looks kinda weird, but I suppose is totally irrelevant in terms of coverage.  I like them for the same reasons I like the Kushies.  I do not know which size I have of these OR the Kushies.  All I know is they still fit him and he still has room to grow.  This is all I care about, LOL.

gDiapers: We got the tiny size for when he was finally big enough for something other than those itty bitty preemie diapers.  For these, the insert goes straight into the dype.  All of theirs fasten in the back.  I really liked the tiny size, actually.  Now, poop leaks are the biggest issues with these.  We also used the small size up to about 12 lbs.  They are supposed to go to 14, but again, estimates.  For these there is a removable liner into which you put the insert.  Which means if no leakage, easy switch out if the liners are pre-stuffed.  I mentioned poop leaks.  Sometimes that liner simply doesn't hold things.  But, these are also very easily hand washed as they are not all crazy thick, and dry quickly.  Much easier to pack multiple dypes for a day out.  We used the biodegradeable, flushable liners at first.  We then switched to cloth liners, but didn't purchase their liners.  We used ones we had purchased generically. I think they were too big, really, as we started having more leakage issues.  Good to know.  I would have continued to use them (trim fit, easy to pack, etc) but we would have had to keep buying the next size up, so I made the move to OS (or so) to save money.  I really do love how trim they are.  And thus cute.  The leaks were worth it.

**We also have some pocket diapers coming from my sister from her former diaper service.  I don't know the brand, but they appear to be very much like BG.**

Prefolds: Apparently everyone but me (in our family) cannot stand these.  They really are not that difficult to use!  I like them.  They do stay very wet as they are not designed to wick moisture away. We have mostly Econobum covers, and one of some other variety that I currently cannot find, LOL.  We had some really cute tiny ones, but he has currently outgrown those. I like that I can reuse the cover as long as their isn't a poop blowout.  But NO ONE ELSE will use them if an easier one is around.  C'est la vie.  If you do prefolds, start with a medium - they fold to be made smaller, and go up to 29 lbs (approximately) - money saver!!! I do wish I had more covers...

Sometimes, even we "cheat".  There are reasons for this.  Either laundry day has been delayed, we are out for the day and don't want to carry dirty cloth diapers, etc.  In the beginning he was just too damn small!  Whatever it is, it happens sometimes.  With that in mind, here are the environmentally "friendly" brands we have tried once he was out of preemies!

7th Generation: These were AMAZING for absorbency!  Not even kidding.  All night.  No leaks.  Not gonna lie, makes me want to sometimes just use disposables at night.  Not to mention that there is no pee smell next to me in the morning!  Oh, sometimes I really do understand the draw.  Anywho, liked these a lot :-)

Full Circle: Pretty much the same make as the 7th Generation, but do have color and patterns (and therefore, one must assume, dyes).  Absorbency is excellent as well.  Hard to find.  Got them because there were packs on sale for $5 - umm, hello?  That is AWESOME!

So, as far as I can think, that wraps up my cloth diaper review (for what it's worth).

Look for a review on baby clothing sizes - the bane of my existence!  (could be worse, just sayin')
*I was NOT provided any diapers for review, compensated in any way, etc.  These are all my own opinions*

Cherry Pie With A Peanut On Top

Well, after much encouragement from my Tweeps, a plan in place, and a baby monitor next to us, Hubby and I FINALLY took the plunge and popped that postpartum cherry.

Yes.  6 MONTHS post partum.  8 months since any nookie. 

I have been soooo nervous about going there.  And so tired and with absolutely NO sex drive.  So. I just didn't care.  But with Hubby leaving for 3 months, I thought we ought to give it a shot.  After our date failed epically on Monday with only dinner, no movie, and me in bed at 8pm, I told him that Friday was IT. 

Yup, we scheduled it.  No shame here.  Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, right?

The plan was to put P down in the crib.  You know, that thing people buy for their children to sleep in?  One of those big, expensive items that we agonize over for weeks about?  Convertible, not convertible?  What type of mattress?  What color?  Matching set?  Too tall?  Too short?  You get the idea.  The same crib that 6 months later has held blankets, stuffed animals, clothing, diapers...pretty much anything BUT the kid.  He has been in there as much as...10 minutes at a stretch while I did things in the room.  Maybe. 

But Friday night was to be different.  P is usually (but never regularly) dozing on my boob by around 8 pm.  So into the crib he was to go.  He dozed.  I tweeted that THE DEED was about to happen. I stood up...

And he woke up. 

I sat back down, switched boobs.  Thought better of it.  Went upstairs to the nursery.  Changed his butt (and his clothes after he knocked the diaper wipe container on its side spilling diaper wipe solution on the table rendering it quite damp and slick).  Sat in the rocker.  Pulled out other boob.  And watched him chew on his fingers, grin at me, stare at the stuff on the walls, and babble away.  At 8:45 pm. 

Desperate times, folks, desperate times. 

I turned out the big light, turned on the small light and PUT HIM IN THE CRIB.  Awake.  Turned on the mobile (I hear babies like them...) (and which really ought to have a silent mode), and left the room.  With him awake. 

WHAAAAATTT????  I hear people do this.  As a matter of normal daily proceedings.  It is fairly incomprehensible to me. 

So, run upstairs, get undressed, climb in bed, Hubby is NAKED!  What is this naked thing?  He must actually want to get some nookie!  (Oh, please, please, PLEASE do not let my family be reading this!!!).  What comes next???  I honestly am not sure what to do now...

And all I can think about is the monitor right next to us...and all I hear is the music from the mobile, and I keep wondering if he is okay or still playing ...man, it is hard to concentrate! 

But, I did it!  Despite the fact that I don't feel in the least bit sexy.  And my tatas are sooo off limits because they are P's food source!  Back off everyone!  And while it was initially a bit hurty, it was so worth it.

And P was fussy within 5 minutes.  Soooo, no snuggle time.  P back in bed with us where I felt much better about his well-being.

Was it worth jumping that hurdle?  Absolutely :-)  Will it be a hurdle again?  I think so.  I have a mental block.  Sleep and time with baby trumps all unless I push it.  So, in the name of keeping my marriage sane, it is time to start making time for alone time with Hubby.  Especially with him being gone a lot. 

We need it.  I can't forget that our marriage is a priority, too. 



PMM: Mornings

I am a day late...the fact that today is my "Monday" always throws me off. 

It's been a rough few days at home.  And since Hubby has been doing the paper route.  It's rough.  I sleep alone a lot.  Now all the time. 

Saturday night I went to bed bawling my eyes out.  P was fussy, he woke up multiple times that night.  It was rough.  Sunday night was really no better.  P wouldn't let me put him down.  We were finally able to move to the bed, but he fussed off and on more than usual.  I ususally emerge from such nights terribly blurry eyed. 

The bonus was I didn't have to get up.  I could sleep until he woke me up.  In the mornings he stretches his little hands, squeaks, and slowly opens his eyes. If  I am already awake, I watch his process...because it ends with him realizng I am there and giving me the cutest sleepy morning grins. It can take a horrid morning and immediately make it all okay.

Monday morning I got to just "sleep in" (7am!).  I awoke to my son babbling away, chewing on his fingers and punching me in the back.  I rolled over, and was awarded by a big old french kiss/suck to the nose.  LOL. 

And for that moment, those few moments before we got out of the cocoon to face the day, it was okay.  Hubby was still here.  The day was full of possibilities.  Because really, how can you be out of sorts when your day starts like this:

Go link up with Lori, share your Perfect Moment, and read about others' perfect moments.  It will make you smile.  And sometimes, we all need a smile.



6 Months!

As you know, P turned 6 months young a week or so ago.  We have now had our checkup and are armed with stats!!!

Length: 25.5" - 25th percentile. (5th% 2 months ago)
Head Circumference: 17.25" - 50th percentile (5th% 2 months ago)
Weight: 18lb 5oz - 60th percentile (not even on the charts 2 months ago!!!)

As far as Doc is concerned, he is a normal, slightly above average weight 6 month old.  Healthy physically and developmentally.

What a journey, eh?

I pulled this from healthychildren.org to get an idea of where we stand.  These standards are for 4-7 month of development.

Physical Skills
•Rolls both ways: Well, hard to say.  He can roll from belly to back when he wants.  He can roll from back to side to side, but not to belly.

•Sits with and without support of hands: Sure, if he is leaning on something!  LOL.  Not quite on this.  But stronger every day!

•Supports whole weight on legs: Oh, yeah.  Been pushing back with his legs for a couple of months now. 

•Reaches with one hand:  Been doing this for ages as well.  Poor Hubbys facial and chest hair!  LOL.

•Transfers object from hand to hand: Umm...he tends to grab with both hands, so hard to say.

•Uses raking grasp: Absolutely.

Social Skills
•Enjoys social play: With adults, yes.  Does not mind when other kids show serious interest in him.

•Interested in mirror images: Mirror baby is a good friend of P's.

•Responds to expressions of emotion: He defintely smiles in response to smiles, others he isn't to sure of.

•Appears joyful often: My kid grins and chatters and squeals with delight all the time.  It makes us laugh.  There is a lot of laughter in our house thanks to him :-)  Even with all the stress.

Cognitive Thinking
•Finds partially hidden object:  He looks for an object he loses, does that count?

•Explores with hands and mouth: All items are fair game for P's mouth.  Must touch, must gum.  Yup yup.

•Struggles to get objects that are out of reach: He does this most when on his belly, but when he was too small to reach things in his jumper or on his mat, he definitely reached for them.  It is especially evident now.

So, what I see from this list is that really, he is on track!  Not bad for 5 weeks early!  Really, it's some of the physical strength stuff in which he is a little slow (sitting, trying to crawl), and his head is still a little bobbly.  Then again, he has quadrupled his birth weight, essentially, so getting the strength to match the weight could take a little longer!  Besides, I am so not ready to baby proof and worry about turning around and finding he is eating paper or something, LOL.

A look back over 6 amazing months:

My teeny little newborn!

Snuggling his daddy, 1 month old

The silliness begins...2 months old

Found his smile, 3 months

Found his hands, 4 months

Water baby, 5 months

Peanut the Porker, 6 months

Happy 6 month to my not so Peanut-y Peanut!  We are so blessed!

Saying Goodbye

These are my favorite photos of P and Hubby since shortly after he was born...

and there he goes....

I would be lying if I said I hadn't been crying for the last 90 minutes straight.  I am going to go get a drink or 2.  Don't judge me...

FNL: Changes

Linking up once again with Danifred for

• Tonight marks my last night with Hubby until sometime around Christmas.  Yup.  I am freaking out. 
• To make sure we get some, ahem, ALONE time tonight, we are putting P to bed in his crib.  For the first time.  That should get us, oh, maybe an hour, LOL. 
• Yes, he has a crib.  It stores blankets, stuffed animals, and occasionally diapers.  It's beautiful.  Tonight it will hopefully store a sleeping Peanut.
• I think I am going to clean the hell out of my house this weekend.  Gotta keep myself busy.  And catch up on premieres of the Fall TV season on HULU.  Must. Distract. Myself.
• STILL working on the giveaway post - this week has been hectic, and I haven't really had a chance to filddle around with the product to give a good review of it.  I am hoping to squeeze that in this weekend as well!
• I am excited for P's 6 month well-baby on Monday!  Squeee!  Let's see just how big the Porker is, LOL.
• The Save the Frosties campaign raised $350.  Thank you all SOOOOO much!  I have to call and pay the last 2 months that are now overdue and find out if I can pay a partial month for October and then move them to a new facility with my own wheels.  Cross your fingers.
• Also cross your fingers that maybe Hubby's new insurance will have IF benefits!  How cool would that be???
• My chronic headaches are back.  I think it's a combination of removing sugar from my diet and no longer being on my Zoloft.  I stopped taking it to save whatever little bit of money I could. I am going to have to go back on it.  I am emotionally all over the place, headaches are back.  It's just not pretty.
• We owe nearly a month's worth of rent to family/friends for getting us through rent the last 2 months.  Sigh.  Some day we won't go through this, right?
• I think it is "try not to murder your husband" week.  At least, it seems that way...it seems myself and some other friends are on the brink of justifiable homicide. 
• In case you are law enforcement and reading this, that is a JOKE.  Get it?
• For the record, I have no idea why anyone in Law Enforcement that I don't already know would be reading this.
• Note: I am giving up this train of thought as I am digging a bigger and bigger hole with this one.

It's officially Fall!  Go enjoy it!

Things I Love Thursday: It's The Small Things

My dear friend Di has started a new meme!  And it's pretty cool.  Good way to get ideas for baby items, etc.  I have been meaning to join in, but keep spacing on it.  Go figure.  Time management issues! 

  

So, for this week's "Things I Love Thursday" I am sharing one of my favorite gifts we received for Peanut.  Oddly, it is an infant toy that we have really only recently used AS INTENDED.

Sassy Bugs are a wrist rattle and squeaker.  But they have a stretchy cord as well, so they do not sit on top of the wrist.  We have had them hanging on his bouncer and such for him to play with.  Recently I started actually putting them on his wrists when we go out and about.

We have ones that sit right on his wrist, and he happily gets that to his mouth to chew on.  These, however, are soooo much cooler for on-the-go.  Because they "float", he thinks he has toys ALL THE TIME.  He can chew on them, shake them, etc.  They crinkle, rattle, squeak, and are small enough for easily handling.  Essentially?  He loves them.  See?

Portable fun toys!  I don't have to pack tons of stuff, which, let's be fair, is such a good thing when out and about with a baby.  Less is more, ya know?   



PYHO: Respect

As of 3 days from now, I will be on my own.  Yes, we have a roommate currently, and help in the neighborhood, but Hubby will be gone for nearly 3 months straight.  3 months.  He is going to miss P learning to crawl, learning to pull himself up (most likely), more growth.  All kinds of things. 

And I have been struck with so much respect for military spouses.  One of my Twitter friends had to deliver her 22 w/o twins WITHOUT her husband there.  He is deployed.  He got leave to come home, but missed the delivery.  She has been sick, grieving, etc, with him thousands of miles away. 

I do not know how they cope.  I am a basketcase!  Trying to get him packed and not forget anything.  I have a shift change on top of it, 1 week later.  And will have to get P and I out the door by 5 am.  GAH!  I cannot believe that there are women, men, who go through this for 6+ months at a time. 

I bow down to you.  I am your Grasshopper.  Teach me.  Please.  How do I do this?   How do I find the former independent me?  How do you men and women do this.  Independent part of the time, wife/husband the other time?  Again.  I have disovered a level of respect for you that I feel I need to shout from the rooftops.  Teach me, oh wise ones. 

Sincerely,

Grasshopper

FNL: caibh

• The title stems from P managing to type on my phone while I was feeding him.  I opened this up and found a draft post, so the title stuck, LOL.  Figured he must've had something to say.
• Remember OLBW?  The world doesn't want me to lose the baby weight.  Fell HARD.  2 days of limping.  I hate going home late because that is time with my kiddo I am missing.  So, that said, I am going to try and use our Wii Fit more as a compromise.
• I officially become a Trucker Widow (TW) in 9 days.  Hubby leaves the day we were going to go play at Celtic Fest.  For 3 months.  We are hoping he gets a break for Christmas. As it is, it looks like he will be gone for Thanksgiving.  So much for seeing his family this holiday season.
• This is really a GOOD thing.  It really is.  Maybe his benefits will include IF coverage!  Then I could go do my FET and surprise him!  Wow...that would be a dream come true right there.
• I informed him that we are having a date night in the next week and that sex IS happening.  No way am I putting that off 3 more months.  Might as well send him off with a treat, right? 
• Note: I am making an effort to make that happen.  Honestly I just want to sleep.  LOL.
• We are pulling P out of daycare because of needing care 2 more days a week - cannot afford that.  Our soon-to-be former neighbor has agreed to watch him for whatever we can throw her right now.  So, on one hand, he will be getting one-on-one attention.  On the other...not much interaction with other kids.  Must do play-dates!
• Also, I am switching shifts to a 5:50am-2:20pm shift.  Amusingly, it is with a woman whose Hubs is ALSO doing a truck driving school, leaving a week after mine!  Anywho, it gets me a few more hours a week.  I will have to be out the door with P at 5 am.  HA!  This should be interesting.  I will pack the night before, change his diaper, get me dressed and go.  Seriously.  That's all I am doing.  8 hours is going to seem like such a long shift at this point!
• Porker (aka Peanut aka Phelan) has been refusing to BF - sometimes entirely, sometimes until after a bottle.  He gets frustrated at the slowness of my output.  Had me in tears the other day.  This morning he refused all milk, but happily ate close to 2oz of pears and oatmeal!  I can't figure this kid out.  Such a conundrum. 
• No, he is NOT sleeping through the night.  Well, at least not without eating.  I swear he sleeps through his feedings.  Wakes up, is obviously hungry, but eyes stay shut and he eats himself back to sleep.  Sometimes as much as every 2 hours, and if I try for bigger feedings, I can't keep him awake long enough.  Sleep is overrated, right?  LOL.  At least I get lots of cuddle time.
• Speaking of which.  He is pretty much too big for the cradle.  With the frequent wake-ups, no way am I putting him a floor away so that I can break my neck on the stairs in the middle of the night just so he can finally use his crib.  With Hubby being gone, I see no end to the co-sleeping thing.  I imagine it will get worse.  One day he will sleep in that fantastic crib his nana and great-grandpa bought for him, LOL. (It will be a toddler bed by then).
• I keep forgetting to post daily pics!  Then again, not much new has been going on with him.  Will try to be better!
• Giveaway coming up soon!  A SPONSORED Giveaway!  I have moved into the big leagues.  Just have to get my arse in gear and review the product.
• Alright, bets on how much Porker weighs!  Based on this photo:



Baby Elvis

 Head over to Danifred's site, give her a big congrats on a great Anatomy Scan, and share YOUR leftovers!

Apologetic Debbie Downer

I have been a serious downer lately.  And I apologize.  I swear I am not crying and weepy and mopey all the time.  Just very overwhelmed right now, and PMS is NOT helping!  Could have done without the return of AF last month. 

All is not doom and gloom.  P is a constant source of joy.  He smiles alllll the time.  He giggles!  Which is hysterical.  I won't know until after his 6 month checkup in 12 days (not counting or anything...), but I am fairly certain he is not only on the charts, but easily 50% percentile.  PORKER!  LOL.  And thoroughly entertaining. 

I promise a 6 month photo shoot very soon!  Can't afford to pay for one, so I am doing it myself!  Hope it comes out!  Fall theme, of course. 

Anywho, wanted to just say sorry for all the downer posts!

Double-Edged Sword

Merriam-Webster defines FEMINISM as

1: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 2: organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

I think some of us see it specifically as fighting for equal is equal as opposed to that evil "separate but equal" from the civil rights movement.  Which it has been.  And understandably so. 

But recently (and please don't flame me, though discussions are welcome), I have been feeling a little bit...miffed...that I so staunchly am a feminist.  But...look at definition part 2...go on, look. "...on behalf of women's rights and interests."

Why am I focused on this?  Because I am struggling to keep my job in a country so focused on business and economics that the focus on families and the future (our children) is sorely neglected.  Maternity leave is a joke.  If you are eligible for FMLA, you may be able to get 3 months, half of which is unpaid unless you can accrue enough vacation time.  Complications in pregnancy make this impossible. Leaving you to return to work long before you or baby is really ready.

My child does not sleep through the night.  Not even remotely.  Add to that Daycare Plague, and you have a recipe for attendance disaster.  I got the "other people have issues, too" speech today.  But if I am so tired that driving is dangerous I am not driving!  It is not as though I am hungover and slacking off.  But my responsibilities to my health and family have to come first, right?  And they "understand". It comes down to "You have to do what you have to do."

Eat me.

I am not asking for special dispensation. Don't pay me for missed time.  But I feel like I am forced to make decisions that shouldn't have to be made.

Which brings me back to feminism.  We can do the work as well as men.  BUT, we many times face challenges men don't.  This also applies to single dads.  Parents.  Those with chronic illnesses.  Sometimes FMLA doesn't cover you.  What then?   Good old Darwin?

So if they fire me I will be milking unemployment.  Unabashedly.  And enrolling P in state-assisted insurance.  Because that is focused on children!  Good for them.

We fought to be equal...but in doing so, we may have forgotten some of the important things in life.  And that makes me angry.  Our culture makes me angry.  I am ANGRY.  But right now, I have to take it.  Because it's a choice...food on the table is caring for my family, too.

Magic Moments

There are so many magic moments in life.  I wish I could post them all here!  But alas!  I have to limit myself.

Link up with Shell to see others' Magic Moments (and maybe win something, too!!!)

A typical evening in Okovimburu.  More special to me than you would believe.

Sunset in the Grand Canyon, day 2 of our honeymoon.  One of the
most amazing things I have EVER seen.   Even with a concussion!

The first time I met the children I would work with in Okovimuburu.  I was
their first white person.

The first time I packed and pulled my own chute
while skydiving - "oh, good, it worked!"

A magical afternoon amongst the sunflowers along Rt 14 in
South Dakota.  Caught my mom unawares.

Our first family photo.

The first time I held my tiny boy.

What are your magic moments?  Link up and share!

Hope and Pain

I didn't post a "where were you post" or a "remember" post yesterday.  I didn't feel the urge.  My feelings on that day are mixed, emotionally and politically speaking.

But, in a way, that day changed the course of my life.

I was in Okovimburu, Namibia.  At a meeting (it was something like 3 in the afternoon).  The family I lived with had satellite TV, the only one for miles around, so I was usually rather well-informed.  I returned from said meeting at a few minutes past 3pm local time.  My brother Kipaa came over and said, "Did you hear?"  "Did I hear what?"  "New York was bombed."  I remember looking at him in utter disbelief and then running in to put C-Span on.  It was early enough that the 2nd plane had yet to hit.  No one knew what was going on.  I watched from the 2nd plane hitting through the next 48 hours until Mama dragged me off the couch and made me eat, bathe, get out.

That was the beginning of the end of my stay in Namibia.  I never fully recovered.  When I flew home in November, I got a full taste of the worldwide panic in airports.  Military carrying machine guns in the airport.  Wow.

If that hadn't happened, I would have had an entirely different life, I think.  I know.

2 years ago, 9/11/09, Hubby and I had our first RE appointment, around 9 am I think, oddly apropos.  We had no diagnosis, just a lot of information, and my first experience with the dildo cam.  We walked out with HOPE.  We were going to cycle in 2 short months, be pregnant, and live happily ever after.

And so 9/11 came to hold another feeling.  Hope.  Instead of pain at what could have been, I had hope about what could be.

Pain.

Hope.

They kind of go hand-in-hand don't they?

Last night I cried.  I read about 2 BFP's in Bloggy Land.  Our dear Missus Gamgee and Sara, both natural, one for an RPL survivor, and one a recent endo lap survivor.  And I cried.  For their HOPE.  For my PAIN. For MY hope.  Excitement for them.  That evil green headed monster Jealousy.  But always, for HOPE.

MY hope.  Between what Nicole has managed to raise with all of your help, and what a dear friend is putting in the mail to us this week, we have enough to SAVE THE FROSTIES.  At least for a bit.  The $500 would get us through until December only at our clinic.  But this fabulous woman, Alexandra, made some phone calls and found that Fairfax Cryobank (oddly, the original source, though not final, of our Sperm Daddy) in Philly will store for 40% the cost.  As we didn't know this ahead of time, we will be scheduling a move, which I can hopefully do myself, and gain us storage until JULY!  Just have to get them moved by the end of the month, so tomorrow I will be making some calls.

MY hope.  Hubby is looking into getting his CDL and doing OTR trucking.  He will be gone a lot.  But the money is good and could end up being a very wise choice for us, plus allow us to move.  My family will not be pleased, but we've given up nearly 3 years of seeing his family to see mine.  No one side will ever be truly pleased with our bicoastal-ness.  If he starts this, that is more money rolling in, meaning we can catch up again.  Because we need approximately $5k for ONE FET.  Thank you IF for putting us in the poorhouse.  Family planning?  Oh, man, whoever came up with that phrase had NO IDEA.

MY hope.  That P will, thanks to many of you, HOPEFULLY have a sibling sometime in the near future. A little brother or sister to torment, to mentor, to love.

My PAIN.  $5k to pull out of our asses.  For a prayer that we will be blessed for attempt #2 as we were for #1.  Could it be that easy?  My heart can't believe that.

My PAIN.  Not seeing my Hubby for possibly weeks at a time.  We still haven't even managed to have nookie.  He gets up at 2am to go deliver papers.  Neither one of us gets enough sleep.  There simply is no energy.  At this rate we could conceive another child without sex happening in between.  What is it like?  To know you created a baby out of a night of love?  That a miracle occurred right in your own body, without any outside help?  I think I will always mourn that.  It is a thought so inconceivable to me that sometimes I have to remind myself that one day I will have to hand my son condoms and tell him to be careful.  Irony.

September 11.  Pain.  Hope.  Forever tied together.

FNL: Sugar Free

Linking up with Danifred!

• I went sugar free as of Tuesday.  I am going BONKERS.  Well, except for the iced tea in the fridge, but no more cookies, sugar on my oatmeal, etc.  I got it out of my system by living on cookies last weekend.  But NO MORE.  Operation Lose Baby Weight (OLBW).
• Of course, I want to be pregnant again like NOW.  So perhaps it is counter-intuitive.  I am trying to push the fates...if I lose the weight, $5k will miraculously appear so we can do an FET, which will of course be miracle #2. 
• It would help if I had gotten that other job.  How the hell did I f**k up a phone interview for which I was OVERqualified?  Grrr. 
• Now I need to find something else.  Or $5k.  Sigh.
• Hubby is considering getting his CDL so he can get a driving job.  Because, you know, I want to be home alone. 
• Come to think of it, he already stopped sleeping in our bed because getting out of a cozy bed at 2am is not working for him.  I miss my husband.
• I seem to remember something called sex...vaguely.  I think Hubby has actually given up.
• Wow, I seem like a serious Debbie Downer today.  Huge apologies.  I've been fairly chipper.  Just the frustrations coming out I guess. 
• I am so wishing I could do something right now for all the people I know who have been affected by the massive flooding here in PA.  Please, if you can, donate to the Red Cross, clean your closet out and find clothes, whatever you can.  I will be donating what clothes I can as that is pretty much my only option right now.  Please help.  Please. 
• This new autumnal change to the weather absolutely rocks my world.  It makes me so excited to do P's 6 month photos (I am doing them myself to save $$) - can you say PUMPKIN PATCH???  Oh, yeah.... SQUEEEEEEE!!!
• I am thinking of opening an Etsy shop to help with some extra money. With my photos and start doing some crocheted items. Thoughts? How does one do this? 
• My c25k project did not begin so well. Asthma, way too long since I have worked out, coming off injury...I couldn't even complete the first day. I am however committing myself to 3-4x/week 30 min brisk walks on the treadmill. It is better than nothing, and help with OLBW. I am so tired of feeling pudgy, out of shape, and unsexy.
• Positivity: I think P is going to be close to 50th% on the charts when he goes in on the 26th. I can't wait to see. How insane is it that my 4lb kiddo has very likely gone from <5th% to average size in 2 months??? Seriously, he has surpassed some of my Bleeps babies who were either older or bigger. Porker. Now of course, I am worried he is gaining TOO fast.
• I am remembering, in light of the last couple weeks of natural disaster mania, to count my blessings. Yes, we had to beg $$ to pay rent. Yes, we are struggling. But right now, we still have a roof over our heads, food on the table, love in our hearts. We are blessed.
  

Ten On Tuesday

I forgot to do FNL, so I'm going to do this instead!

1. We started P on solids.  I know, I know, we said 6 months.  But he just seemed ready!  So far he is loving apples, pears, bananas, yams, and peas.  The jury is out on acorn squash and avocados, and carrots have not yet been attempted.  It is a trip feeding him.  He takes an ounce 2-3 times a day.  Give or take.... I can't believe we are on solids!!!  Gah!  Where does the time go???
2. We are also (mostly) into 3-6 month clothes at last.  I put him on the produce scale last week, and he appears to be hovering around 15lbs.  Wow....
3. Today marks 3 years being married to Hubby.  Longest marriage and relationship so far :-)  He is AMAZING, and I am a lucky woman.  
4. STILL have not heard back about the job I had a phone interview for.  It's been more than 2.5 weeks.  I emailed AGAIN today.  Sigh.  I hate job hunting.  This is driving me bonkers.  But if we want #2, it's a necessity, plus, you know, I despise my job.  
5. Starting a c25k today.  Eep.  I am nervous.  But I will DO IT!!!  Decided  to stay 30 minutes late at work to use the treadmill.  Accordingly, I am in sweats and sneakers today.  That, and it's 63 degrees today!  Woohooo!  Bring on Fall!
6. I am so damn tired of oatmeal and peanut butter.  But man, do I poop well these days!  Oatmeal for boob juice, peanut butter for protein and ease of consumption and cost.
7. P blows raspberries now .  It is farking hysterical.  The whole top of his onesie gets soaked from the drool, LOL.  
8. P has gone from despising belly time to actually enjoying it for a bit.  Until he gets frustrated that he can't go anywhere yet.  I sense baby gates sooner rather than later.  I am NOT ready for a crawling, moving baby.  Because it means 1) that he is no longer going to be my teeny baby and 2) that means baby proofing is close behind.  Gack!  Why can't they stay little?  
9. I finally got to watch Off The Map on Hulu, only to find out it was canceled - mid-season from what I can tell.  I. Am. Pissed.  Oh, well.  Life goes on without hot Aussie hippie doctors, right?
10. Autumn seems to have arrived.  Color me THRILLED!  Though, I need more jackets for P to go over all the short-sleeve stuff we have.  So...next week will be hitting up a thrift store after work.   

Happy Tuesday, all.  It's my Monday!  Le sigh.

Body Language

Apparently I am becoming an "issue" writer.  I think it stems from all the assvice, advice, "they say" passive agressiveness, and what-not that comes along with having a child.  I will admit, sometimes I jump the gun.  Because I anticipate the things that will be important to me, and the reactions from people to those things.  Or, issues that could arise.

Bodies.  As in our human bodies.  As in I don't always feel the need to cover mine, and I also don't want my son (and other children???) to feel that their bodies are something to be covered and be ashamed of.  Now, my mom walked around all the time naked in front of us.  I didn't care...the younger sisters apparently managed more social input and were thoroughly embarassed. 

In fact, I distinctly remember the day my mother made me put a shirt on outside in the summer for the first time.  I think I was around 5 years old.  And I was PISSED.  She tried to explain to me.  You know, "People are uncomfortable" etc etc etc.  No, I didn't understand.  At all.  It's difficult to go from naked child to covered-up child.  I think that may have been my first real experience with social constraints.  I was not pleased.  To this day I feel more comfortable nude than in revealing clothing...

So, my poor kid is going to have a fairly nudist mom.  And people get in SUCH an uproar about that.  As in child abuse allegations uproar.  But, and correct me if I'm wrong, my little man has spent an inordinate amount of time attached to my naked wobbly bits.  I realize this will not stick in his long-term memory.  But at the same time, I'm not sure I care if it does.  I don't want him growing up with the media's hype over nudity.  I want him to know that our bodies are natural, that it's okay to be comfortable in your own skin. 

I would NEVER go so far as to be nude in front of other people's children - that is their call to make. 

I haven't had the time to research, but logic leads me to believe that children of nudists are no more screwed up than children of, say, 7th Day Adventists.  A healthy body image is so important!  And children of cultures where nudity is the norm come out, join the "Western" world, and see to be fine.  I think.  Based on my admittedly limited observations in one particular culture. 

I guess where I am going with this is ...

What are your feelings?  Yes, my decision, etc, but I just wonder if you've considered at what point to cover up.  Where do you draw the line?  AND, is it necessary?  I'm not saying I am going to take baths with my kid forever, but I don't know that being all cover-up-bodies-are-bad is something I want either. 

Thoughts?  And PLEASE be respectful.  Thanks!