2011 has been both the best and worst year of my life. Well, best, and close to worst.
We started out with hope, and joy, and anticipation. We also got out of debt. A babe was growing inside me, we couldn't believe our luck, and a settlement came through that allowed us to pay off a ton of things and we hoped, have enough for Cricket 2.0. Things had never been so great.
The end of January saw me in the hospital, and my body trying to rid itself of baby way too early. 2 months of bed rest ate up the savings. But, without that money, we would have been in bigger trouble so we were still happy peeps. I prayed I would make it to my baby shower pregnant, and my wish was granted. We even successfully made it to 35 weeks, our goal. Plus a day.
The last 9 months have been filled with so much joy. We are so incredibly blessed to have this jolly child in our lives. He fills our days with light. And often, our nights, LOL. Even if we never get another go...we count our blessings every day.
But it has also been a rough end of the year. Hubby has essentially been unemployed half the year. Not only are the savings gone as quickly as they came, we are struggling. We can barely pay bills, and cannot pay rent at all. It is a terrifying place to be in. Without P, we wouldn't care as much. Eviction, living in a shit-hole, these things would be manageable. Having P means that we really have to make our choices wisely.
We have gotten public assistance, and are trying to figure out what else we may qualify for. We face some seriously hard choices in the coming months. I've never been in such a bad situation before, and there have been some incredibly hard times. It's terrifying. And all I can hope is that 2012 brings some changes on that front. Hubby and I will never be well-off. But a house of our own some day, and enough to not be scared every month would be nice.
We seem to be avoiding the tough talks. In hope of "something will come up". But soon, the talks will have to happen, the choices made. And through it all we will have this amazing light in our life who makes all the struggle worth it.
It still seems so surreal. Waking up to him, hearing him, watching as he grows, changes, does silly things. His laugh can brighten the darkest day. It's like yin and yang around here. And it's all for him.
I wish so much for him. And I pray we can give him the best of us, and not have to struggle. So my wish for the upcoming year is that we figure a way to do that. If we also find a way to give him a sibling, awesome, but right now, survival is the key. I pray that 2012 brings not just us, but all of you, the things you need. And perhaps some nice surprises along the way.
Jan 1, 2011 brought us 24 weeks of pregnancy, viability. January 1, 2012 brings us...well, a big financial hole. But it also brings a 9 month old wonder of modern medical technology. And a lot of love.
Happy New Year to you all. Joy, peace, and happiness are my prayers for you.