Monday, December 19, 2011

Who Am I, Why Am I Here

This mama needs to make some changes.  My former libido, well, let's just say that a three-toed sloth only needs 1 foot to count how many times I've knocked boots this year. 
A plan is required. 

Step one began yesterday.  30 min cardio every day after work.  I have to start slowly as I am so out of shape, but it's a start.  I will work up to heavier cardio.  With any luck this will jump-start my metabolism.  Until I can feel good about my body again, I will have some serious issues letting someone else have access to it.  I'm not confident in being sexy right now.  More like frumpy and fat.

Step two:  I HAVE to find the time to shave.  I am Chewbaca.  I hate doing it, I hate the time involved, I hate that it takes something that is totally sexist to make me feel sexy, but maybe it will help.  For now anyway.  You know, pretend I am a girl as well as a sleep-deprived Mama with no free time.

Step three: Began this last night as well.  Crib transitioning.  So that there is not a baby between us at night.  The crib is now riding sidecar toddler bed style, mattresses at the same level.  Now I just have to get Hubby to come to bed before, oh, 1:30 am when there is no way in hell he is getting laid as I only have 2 more hours to sleep.  Hopefully this will change some WHEN he is working.  (Positive thinking).

Step four: This will be difficult.  The zoloft has killed my sex drive, BUT I had a seriously racy dream last night, so maybe things are getting moving in the right direction.  I need to make time to actually interact like a married person with Hubby.  I mean, kisses, PHYSICAL CONTACT.  The way I feel these days, I kinda just want to be left alone, but everything takes work, so I have to overcome the numb. 

Step five: Date nights?  I would love to implement these.  First we need money for a sitter...and the insanity of the holidays needs to pass.  Then maybe?  I hope?  Not that we had these before, but when it was just the 2 of us, it wasn't really necessary.  We don't even really cuddle any more.  So sad.  Time to fix this.  But after the holidays and WHEN Hubs has a job. (see the positivity?)

So that is my 5-step plan.

 Thoughts?  Ideas?  Help me have a marriage again, please.  I have attached so much of my identity to that little butterball that I seem to have forgotten what got me here. 


  1. You seem to write just what I have been thinking lately. My drive is nil and I know changing a few things on my end will go a long way towards making me feel a lot better, mainly a cut and color refresh for my hair, some eyebrow and leg hair maintenance and about a 30 pound weight loss. The hair stuff just comes down to finding a few blocks of time, the weight comes down to dedication and effort. I know what I need and I have plenty of reasons to make better food choices and exercise, but it is just the energy I am lacking. They go hand in hand of course, I just need to make it happen. This is just the worst time of year for this kind of change, but I would love to start spring with a new look and outlook.
    You can do it!!

  2. Oh Gosh, you and me both. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but we're stuck in a rut, too. My dr just started me on Paxil today and I'm praying it won't do any more damage to my lack of libido, as it is.

    I read an article in a magazine recently that talked about how closer some couples felt after taking the time to hug one another for at least 60 seconds. No other contact, like kissing or touching anywhere else...just a simple bear hug for 60 seconds. That closeness released some kind of chemical reaction in the brain that triggered strong emotions.

    Try starting with may help. I'll try to take my own advice, too...LOL!

  3. Hugs are great in that they do change your mood.
    Transitioning to crib and having P sleep better and on a more or less predictable schedule will also help. We've had so many great evening 'dates', watching a movie, just talking, kinecting, erm yadayada-ing, all in the comfort of our home. And when G woke up, I was there to soothe him and everyone was happy. Of course, this happened 14 months after his birth, but hey, better late than never...
    You'll get there. You seem to have the right plan and determination, and with a little luck, it will all get better soon.

  4. Sounds like me also! :) DH saw my legs the other day and all he said was "Seriously?" LOL

  5. Sounds like a great plan. Good luck with it all!!

  6. This might sound BIZZARE.. and it is comming from a guy, but bear with me. Shaving related...

    Try to make shaving a luxury. I moved from disposable razors and caned CRAP to old fashioned safety razors and quality shaving soaps. Not only is it CHEAPER in the long run (a blade costs 5-15 cents instead of 3-4 bucks) but it also luxuriates the entire process. The amazing scents and silky smooth skin after you are done turn (at least for me) the former chore of shaving into something I look forward to and make time for.
    I even convinced the wife to try it, and she's hooked.
    Just a thought, I'd even be happy to give you pointers... even might be able to provide some of the equipment if your interested (I've started collecting and have spares)
    Just a thought!!

  7. Ah petal, that was me talking not to long ago. I have to say that once we are at it I do get in the mood, but the thought of it....naaah once I hit the bed the intent is to sleep and hope that Oliver will sleep through the night. Afternoon naps are still the best and we do and try and make the most of them at we. So for me that was the shift. We don't have oliver in the room since he was about 20 weeks but the monitor is on of course so if he says uaa even for s second it's like a bucket of cold water. My body? Oh dear, my boobs have that sad look and will never recover so I just have to get to term with it and Dh doens't seem to mind. I went back to do yoga which is good for me and my soul. That also helped. I got some nice groupon voucher for leg and bikini wax which also worked wonders and avoids for a good while the shaving business.
    My advise is to definitely get little P iut of the bed

  8. Sorry for all the mistakes, using the phone and then it stalled on me! Had to post. What i had typed without being able to edit!

    My last bit was to get P out of the bed as that will help greatly. I'm sure when the bed is free the hubby will come joining you!
    Love, fran


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