With my fluctuating mental state, my feelings about Cricket 2.0 change sometimes from hour to hour. Some days I think, "No way can I go through the 8 months of puking, possible bedrest, lack of sleep for god knows how long...no way can I fret wondering if embryos take, or that if it doesn't work we really have no more options." It's too much.
And then I have times like over this past weekend. Friday evening P got a chance to hang out with Niece. And he's now old enough to interact. They were kissing on each other, trading toys back and forth. Interacting. Like siblings (really close in age) might.
And then I see 2 children in my head, playing on the floor...not the 2 in front of me, but P and another could-be sibling. I see him kissing a baby brother or sister on the forehead. I SEE it. Like ghosts of children future.
I get baby fever around newborns, feel my ovaries and uterus literally ache, but it's seeing P with other children that totally sets off my IF meltdown mode. It's when I know that I should NOT make the decision to give up when I am down. It's when I know that my family doesn't feel complete. It's when I know that even though I'm exhausted, scared of failure, scared of handling 2 children, that I want a sibling for our sweet boy.
Here's the thing...I think if we need to make the decision that he is to be our only child that I will somehow learn to cope. He is an active kiddo, and giving him all of our attention won't be such a bad thing. I'm not there yet, but some days I am close.
If you decided to forgo further treatment and enjoy your one miracle, how did you decide that? Was it difficult? How did you let go?