So...
It's been well over a year since I've had sex. Like when Finn was conceived long time. I can't do it. The only reason Finn was conceived is that I was self-medicating. When I got pregnant and spent time in the hospital all that stopped. And apparently so did my ability to have sex.
Which all stems from the rape.
I was talking to a friend recently and she said it sounds like PTSD. I had never considered that. I know I need therapy, I just DON'T WANT TO DO IT. Because I don't want to think about it any more than I already do.
But the current situation isn't healthy and is extremely unfair to Hubby.
Why can't I just stay in denial and avoidance?
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PTSD sounds about right to me. Unfortunately, until you manage to face the past head on (preferably with a therapist's assistance), you can't get past it. I speak from personal experience as a multiple rape survivor and as a current PTSD sufferer. And I think tipping this out was a really good kick in the ass for me since I have yet to seek therapy to get past my own issues.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm sorry you're going through this. If it helps, you are not alone.
PTSD sounds about right to me. Unfortunately, until you manage to face the past head on (preferably with a therapist's assistance), you can't get past it. I speak from personal experience as a multiple rape survivor and as a current PTSD sufferer. And I think tipping this out was a really good kick in the ass for me since I have yet to seek therapy to get past my own issues.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm sorry you're going through this. If it helps, you are not alone.