Nervous

I start a new job soon.  When is up in the air, but soon.  At a preschool, though I will specifically be a floater half the day and with the after school kids the 2nd half of the day.  I'm hoping I get to move to the younger kids eventually, or can one day get into an elementary program.  Anywho, I'm nervous.

I'm nervous because the start date has gotten pushed back due to new construction and the director is not great at communicating and my paranoid self keeps thinking they've decided not to hire me after all.

I'm nervous that I'll fuck it up.  I never used to be like this, but ever since being fired nearly 2 years ago my self-confidence is SHOT.  I don't trust myself.

I'm also sad about leaving the kids I work with now.  It's hard to build that bond and then leave suddenly.

I'm nervous about how working full time again is going to affect my relationship with my children.  I will be spending more time with other people's kids than my own, and Abuela will see them more than I do.  It's shitty.  I hate it.

I really hope it starts soon, though, so that anxious waiting is over. The waiting is the hardest part.  It makes me nuts.