So, we saw the pediatrician today. The news is good. For him, LOL.
His behaviors are consistent with a strong-willed and super smart kid. No autistic issues. He even recommended books about strong-willed children. So he's fine, we're just in trouble with this one.
He said the keys are consistency and positive reinforcement and that pushing things with him will only make things worse. Offer "choices" to guide him, making it seem as though HE got to make the decision. He assured me he will eventually learn to obey and will probably always push limits but that it will get easier.
Basically, he's a handful, he will continue to be a handful, but there's nothing "wrong" with him.
I guess I'm reassured. Just tired. And off to read books about strong-willed children. Oy.