As I was reading a blog this morning (and I'm talking middle of the night morning), I started to worry. It was about how hard it is for an IF'er to hear complaints about pregnancies. From having not wanted to be pregnant all the way through...woes galore. And how frustrating it is because they can do it by accident, not really appreciating what a miracle they are experiencing.
I worried that I am becoming one of those complaining women. Am I? Please tell me I'm not. If I am, it's so not intentional. Last week was definitely a gripe week. The thing is, it's not the PREGNANCY that's frustrating me. It's my body rebelling against it that is. It's not how I imagined it...but then again, not much ever is, is it?
I am happy :) REALLY happy. Miserable a lot of the time, but happy nonetheless. I try to present the facts of what's happening, but not gripe too much. And if someone asks me how I'm doing, I will be honest about the struggles, but I laugh or smile about it, because it's all part and parcel of this whole journey. But I worry that you, my bloggy friends, will take it the wrong way, think I am now taking this for granted.
I want to assure you that is NOT the case! Not remotely.
There are some days however, that I am so wrapped up in the journey, this part of it, that I almost forget. Forget what it took to get here, forget that we only have this one shot, forget the sad stuff. I don't want to forget. But I don't want it to diminish the pleasure of feeling Cricket grow inside of me. That's not the same as taking it for granted, right? I just want to enjoy the NOW of it all. To focus on the good, the miracle. I know sadness will set in, and it does occasionally. But for now, I want to be ... "normal". Make sense?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it has come across at any point in time these last months that I was complaining about this pregnancy, I apologize. It certainly was not my intention. But documenting the whole thing? That was my goal. If you catch me complaining, smack me, alright?
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Honey, you have had a rough go of it. You have every right to bitch and moan and complain if you feel like it. I know you don't and aren't taking it for granted. Don't stress.
ReplyDeleteI think what the blog you were reading was talking about is whining. People who go on about how horrible pregnancy is and how they wish they weren't pregnant. You are not whining. You are sharing your journey with us. And, it just so happens that your journey has been a particularly rough one. In fact, the fact that you haven't whined about all that you've been through is amazing to me! I mean, if anyone has the right to be upset with their pregnancy, it is someone who has been in constant immeasurable pain and has to wear a pump to keep from throwing up even more than halfway through. It shows that, no matter how frustrated you are with your body, you really do appreciate this. And, it's obvious how happy you are about it -- even with the craziness. Acting like everything is wonderful all the time is dishonest and misleading.
ReplyDeleteMy DH told me after all we have gone through to get pregnant these last 11 years, he better not hear any complaining...LOL Sometimes it is warranted and definitely needed, especially when you feel like crap. I don't think any different of you, like the pp said, you have had a rough time...:) Not your fault...:)
ReplyDeletei think (and i realize i am in a position of privilege here) that the right to complain about the parts of pregnancy that are hard -- and lord knows you've had your share and then some -- is not a right that should be reserved for fertile people. realizing how lucky it is to be pregnant shouldn't obligate anyone to pretend it's all sunshine and daffodils.
ReplyDeleteat least, that's what i tell myself while whining about my poor old ribs....
Hey beautiful,
ReplyDeletesorry for missng the last few posts-I have been away! To a place with no internet!!
Anyway I KNOW you are very grateful for this pregnancy. Honestly, you really have had a hard time. So you share how you're feeling as much as possible, I love reading what is going on with you. We all know you love Cricket and remember how much it took to get here.
Take care :)
I have no problem with pregnant people complaining - I'm not stupid I know pregnancy isn't all sunshine and frickin rainbows.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do wish is that people who seem to do nothing BUT complain, stop and take a moment and occasionally throw in a moment of positivity, write about how they are revelling in being pregnant, enjoying SOMETHING about it.
This is a broad statement that could apply to heaps of people, not you specifically my love, so don't panic.
I will happily admit to days where I just can't read your blog - even though I KNOW you're having a hell of a rough ride throughout this pregnancy journey, some days I just can't read about it - I'm in a bad place and I just can't read about pregnancy complaints - that applies to anyone on my blog list, not just you.
That's called self preservation and I KNOW you can relate to that!
And no, we won't smack you, it's wrong to hit women, especially pregnant women ;-)
~x~
Aw sweetie...a few thoughts: this is YOUR blog to document YOUR journey. Your body is going through immense changes, and you've had a rough time. Pregnancy is like that for a LOT of people. It's what you're going through at this moment, and that is what blogging is. It doesn't mean you take anything for granted. You need a place to talk about your feelings, this jumbled mess of hormones, and the extraordinary experiences you've lived through.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you have worn the infertility badge then you can complain as much as you like. We know you appreciate that you are pregnant. And you have had a shitty time of it.
ReplyDeleteI learned (through my own NIGHTMARISH Pregnancy) that even if I didn't want to complain, I had no choice, seriously. I also learned that it was ok to do it, it didn't mean that I wasn't SOOOOO grateful for the opportunity to be PG, to carry my own babies and BE PREGNANT.
ReplyDeleteI was still scared...I was still in denial for most of it, I pushed on and pushed through...but some really SHITTY stuff during my pregnancy and for me not to talk about it, in a safe space (like yu have here) is unfair to you and your feelings.
hang in there....everything is going to be ok. And you can bitch and moan to ME ANY TIME...I mean that...I know. :)
I think "Miserably Happy" sums it up quite nicely. I still smile and rub my belly after ever barf session.
ReplyDelete