As I was reading a blog this morning (and I'm talking middle of the night morning), I started to worry. It was about how hard it is for an IF'er to hear complaints about pregnancies. From having not wanted to be pregnant all the way through...woes galore. And how frustrating it is because they can do it by accident, not really appreciating what a miracle they are experiencing.
I worried that I am becoming one of those complaining women. Am I? Please tell me I'm not. If I am, it's so not intentional. Last week was definitely a gripe week. The thing is, it's not the PREGNANCY that's frustrating me. It's my body rebelling against it that is. It's not how I imagined it...but then again, not much ever is, is it?
I am happy :) REALLY happy. Miserable a lot of the time, but happy nonetheless. I try to present the facts of what's happening, but not gripe too much. And if someone asks me how I'm doing, I will be honest about the struggles, but I laugh or smile about it, because it's all part and parcel of this whole journey. But I worry that you, my bloggy friends, will take it the wrong way, think I am now taking this for granted.
I want to assure you that is NOT the case! Not remotely.
There are some days however, that I am so wrapped up in the journey, this part of it, that I almost forget. Forget what it took to get here, forget that we only have this one shot, forget the sad stuff. I don't want to forget. But I don't want it to diminish the pleasure of feeling Cricket grow inside of me. That's not the same as taking it for granted, right? I just want to enjoy the NOW of it all. To focus on the good, the miracle. I know sadness will set in, and it does occasionally. But for now, I want to be ... "normal". Make sense?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if it has come across at any point in time these last months that I was complaining about this pregnancy, I apologize. It certainly was not my intention. But documenting the whole thing? That was my goal. If you catch me complaining, smack me, alright?