Kimya Dawson has a song called "Tree Hugger". It is the indie musical equivalent of "The grass is greener on the other side." It's off the Juno soundtrack, and well, I adore that movie, the soundtrack, all of it. With a passion. I have often been compared to Juno, albeit quite a bit older. Anywho, back to the song.
I was driving the other day, hooked up to Ichabod the iPod, and on came "Tree Hugger". And it hit me like a TON OF BRICKS. A metric shit-ton of bricks.
And so, I realized that no, I am not going to have the perfect glowy pregnancy. And perhaps I wish I would. But in the end, would I trade it? Would I want it any other way?
The answer, my dears, is a resounding NO! Because this is MY story. And I don't want someone else's story. This will be Cricket's legacy, the stories she will carry through to her adult life to if/when she decides to have children of her own. And how am I going to torture my child without horrendous pregnancy stories? LOL. It's a mother's right, or so I believe.
This is my story, my legacy, my life. And honestly, I am going to miss being pregnant. Sick or not, I will miss this time with Cricket that is just mine, and mine alone. Falling asleep cradling my belly, lulled to sleep by her movements, knowing all is well in her world right now, the only time I will know it for sure. Getting to experience this, even if it is only once, is a dream come true, and it's magical, and perfect, no matter how it happens.
So, thank you, Kimya Dawson, for making me remember how lucky I am :)