Monday, June 7, 2010

Humpty Dumpty...

...fell down the sairs this morning. No kidding. Murphy's Law and I are way too well-acquainted. I cannot make this shit up. I am stuck in a recliner, left leg useless. 10 days off of work, and when I go back I have to head straight to real phone calls without the benefit of actually finishing training. So I'm a bit terrified by that. Because I really can't afford to fuck up and lose my job. Not now.

Ramifications of this??? I totally have to put off IVF. We need a shit-ton of work done on the car to pass inspection in a few weeks and we are short a lot of my income due to all this time off of work. I got 3 weeks of short term disbility pay (at 60% of full pay) in the nearly 8 weeks I have missed. So it looks like we're putting off IVF for 2 months. I think this means that I'll be on BCP for freakin 2 months straight....which is super! No, not really. I'm not sure yet. I was hoping for only 1 month, but I think 2 is more realistic financially.

I sobbed, I screamed, I laughed hysterically today. Shit, even the doctor laughed. I mean, really, it's kinda funny. In a fucked up kinda way. I'm hoping to find a way to sleep again during this time off at least. It's like one road block after another. After another. After another.

I am at least gonna get a chance to finish all the damn baby blankets I am making for OTHER PEOPLE. Yeah, I'm venting. I want to hopefully borrow this laptop I'm using right now later so I can catch up with other people and maybe stop feeling sorry for myself.

I'm totally rambling. Here's the thing....I've been needing to do this for a while. So, today was really just a shit day. Started with falling down the stairs, and it just got better and better from there.

Frog and Pixie are, well, making some changes in their house and living arrangements. Pixe's mom, who lives in their downstairs apartment is moving into the main house so they can rent out the apartment. So they had to tell her about me. Or thought they should. She admitted she thought something was going on, but hoped it wasn't. I've been down this road before with 2 other mom's, and I was always the bad guy. I mean, who wants their daughter to be bisexual or gay? Well, other than my parents, LOL. Anyway, her mom is she's going through the typical something is wrong with my daughter, etc etc etc. She is blaming Frog for it, saying she was never like this before she met him. Which is funny because they've been together 8 years and this is something Pixie has only opened up to herself about since I've been in their lives. Not that she's real pleased with me. I just don't know what's next. I totally feel like they've got all this crap going on in their lives, (not that I don't), and that I'm just causing more issues. I know it's not my fault, and this is their decision and they could have chosen to try and hide it but I feel terrible. Terrible.

What a goddamn day. What a goddamn week, month, fucking year. I want to be a good friend to the people I love, and I just can't even be there for them. I'm hitting a wall, here. I thought I hit that wall 2 months ago, but apparently, apparently I CAN take more shit. So you know what, world???? Keep dishing it out. Keep it the fuck up. Because I WILL find a way through all of this. I WILL find a way to be a good friend again. I WILL find a way to ... all of it.

A: Thank you for listening.
B: Sorry for the seriously foul language in this post.
C: I don't have a "C" but A and B only didn't seem to be enough.


  1. Aw, that's a bummer you have to postpone. I hope you are healed and feeling better soon. What a string of crappy luck!

  2. I hope your leg is better soon! Sorry for the craziness and the delay in IVF. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

  3. Oh man I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I wish I could say something to help you out, but for now I will send you {{{HUGS}}}.

  4. Murphy needs a swift kick in the package! It's so sad it almost made me giggle, I mean how much bad luck can one woman have? I'm sorry sweetie, I really hope enough is enough!

    Get well soon!

  5. This sucks! I am so sorry, girl. I hope you heal soon so you can get back on the wagon. Until then, we are here to send you all the hugs and support you need.

  6. oh sweets..that's one hell of a post. I hope when you hit publish that it felt like you were "giving some of it away" because you HAVE to. Somethings you have no control over and in this post, this frustration, you are in many ways accepting that..that you have no control.

    You know I am I sad that the IVF is postponed, you know I hate that you are hurt again and that you heart, and head are hurting know ALL That.
    you also SHOULD know, that I'm here if you need to vent or talk or just stay quiet and cry.

    the light will come out of all this, it always does and you'll see why the dark was necessary...I think it's just SHITTY that you have to.


  7. Oh for heavens sake. This is one craptastic situation. I'm so sorry that all the shit has completely hit the fan...I just hope it all rights itself very very soon...

  8. Awww lady, that royally blows. I think that fall was just life's way of saying that you need to rest and take better care of yourself. Maybe all of this is necessary so that you'll be better rested by the time IVF finally rolls around for real. Keep on hanging in there.

  9. Man, I once fell onto a freeway (in a car) does that count? Feel better lovely lady and never stop seeing the humor in the asinine.


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