As living creatures we NEED exactly 6 things in life:
Food
Water
Air
Reproduction
Protection (ie. a house, etc)
Space (ie. habitat)
This being said, as humans, we have pushed the boundaries of what nature intended, what biology intended. We eat things that, well, do crazy things to our bodies. We have polluted the planet that gives us all of the things we need. Our water and air are scary. We live in places that really are well beyond what we need, and have not only redefined habitat for ourselves, we have wrecked it for other living creatures. (I am not saying I'm innocent in all of this, just stating facts).Having said that, reproduction is REALLY where we have changed the original biological needs. In all of the animal kingdom, primates are the only animals that have sex for pleasure. Of those primates, we humans are the only ones who deny general biological needs until the "time is right" for us - we don't procreate until we want (generally speaking). We mature slowly - 12-14 years on average to reach sexual maturity, but most of us do not reproduce at that time. In fact, it's considered taboo in many Western cultures to do so. We defy the innate biological hard-wired push to procreate.
So, what I wonder is, WHY am I so hell-bent on a child? Yes, we wanted children, but at what point did it become this thing that rules my world? That hurts me every day.....the emotions that also evolved with us are really quite contrary to general biological rules. As we evolved, we changed the rules for ourselves. So WHY this drive? Is it the hard-wiring in me? Realistically, in nature, my DNA and DH's DNA were not meant to be continued. Ask Darwin.
In any other grouping of animals, our line would not go on. DH's won't, at least not through him. Mine could, but perhaps there is a reason I'm infertile. We no longer, as a people in "developed" nations, allow nature to take it's course. We have intervened. That's why, initially, DH and I were NOT going to do IVF. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. So....why are we here? Why are we doing this? If this is really what I believe, why?
I read a twisted statement in a local newspaper a month back or so...the erudite woman said:
ReplyDelete'And because now infertiles can now go and get a baby through IVF, they are not interested in adoption anymore'. Two things are wrong here...
a) IVF is not always equal to a baby...always equal to squandering your bank account.
b) Infertiles are supposed to be divinely directed to adopt? Because fertiles don't have to do it because they breed so well?
I am not commenting really....I just wanted to flank out your post.
I love the pictures.
Whoa.....while I may have doubts about fighting nature, that's just plain fucked up.....
ReplyDeleteI have some hangups over IVF for the same reasons you do, but I also believe that the technology is there as a tool and a gift, and sometimes we just have to let go of our preconceived notions (pun intended?) and open up to receiving in a different way.
ReplyDeleteI go back and forth about the evolution thing too, as well as WHY I am almost tunnel-vision focused on having a baby. And while I validate the procreative drive, I think my real desire comes from:
- having such a deep connection to DH that I wish for us to see that connection manifest as our child(ren)
- wanting to know what it is like to carry and bring life forth through my body
- having such a surfeit of love and blessings in my life that I want to share it with another life (which at least could be done via adoption)
And yes, I've been out of touch and slow to catch up, so that's why I haven't been commenting!