Moving Forward

I want to apologize for the radio silence, as it were.  It has been an up and down month.  A lot has happened.  Some changes, big ones, are in our near future.  I am slowly getting better.  There are good days, and there are bad days.  But far more good than bad, though my anxiety and insomnia are not under control.  I am in therapy, once a week usually.  I really like my therapist, which is good.  We have only met 3 times, though, so it is early days.  There have been some revelations.  Things I knew, but had never vocalized. I have realized that I understand many of my issues, can analyze the shit out of them, but cannot emotionally overcome them.  The illness takes over.  Logic means nothing.  I have also realized that I am good at analyzing for others.  Very good.  It makes me consider going back to school when the opportunity arises for psychology.  I think.  That's one idea anyway.

I have been blocked.  I couldn't write.  I'm still having issues.  Me.  Who has no filter and has spewed so much on this blog.  I have regularly made light of things, joked, and generally let you into my life.  Right now I am having difficulty with that.  I write posts in my head.  All the time.  But when it comes to actually putting it out there...I really don't know why I am unable to express all of this shit in my head.

The things that run through my head, the struggles I am facing, admitting to myself, the fear I have for myself, my family...I can't seem to put it out there.  Writing it down, sharing it with you means I am out there, exposed.  And while I know that it will bring me support, I still can't get it down on "paper."  I am trying, though.  Trying  not to be shut down.  Self preservation, maybe?  Just writing this post, an overview, no really personal information, is making my anxiety flare up.  But I also know that if I don't let it out I cannot heal.  So I will do my best to get it out there.  Starting tomorrow I will open myself up as much as I can.

But for now, I mentioned big changes!  I have big news.

We are moving.  In a couple of months, we will be moving to Delaware, OH.  Whenever my f'ing settlement comes through.  It's a small town half an hour north of Columbus.  There are tons of job opportunities, and the cost of living is lower.  It was a gut-wrenching decision.  My mother is devastated that I am taking her grandson away, and the guilt I feel is epic.  I have cried over it quite a bit.  I know why, and I will get into it in a future post.

But, and here is the best part, we bought a mobile home there.  As in owning our own (small) house with low lot rental in a small park, only 50 or so homes.  It's a quiet neighborhood.  Many parks nearby, and an amazing community pool.

This is our new house.  Small, but OURS, which is the most important thing.

I have big plans for landscaping, fencing in a yard, a vegetable garden next summer....
The interior is semi-modern.  We have already purchased paint for the living room/kitchen area, as well as our bedroom.  And I pretty much know what I am going to do with P's room.  Unfortunately, I will have to do it after we move in unless I take another trip out there.

Which will be difficult as I am going to hit up a local temp agency here so that I can get us some money for now. Hubby's job cut his hours drastically and we need money!  I am terrified, but I will get through it.

Anywho, here are some lousy pics of the house.

P's room.  HUGE closet.  

Bathroom vanity.  Keeping the color and adding accents.
Needs new flooring.  Fun project!  The shower/tub is
amazeballs.  As in step in HUGE soaking tub.  Woot.

Kitchen.  Open to living room.  Not as much counter space as I would like
but tons and tons of storage. 

Living room.  Setup may be awkward, but I will figure it out.  There is a
hand through window from kitchen, and a counter where we can eat.
So I have to keep that space open.

Looking toward the rear of the house.  Will be replacing all of that flooring
as well.  That door at the end is our room, and just before that to the right
is where our washer and dryer (once we have them) will go.  

Our room.  Also a huge closet, thank goodness!

This is the little office alcove in our room.  Built in table.  Love it.

Another view...just cuz P is in it :-)  He was very excited to check out the house.
He even shut himself in his room, LOL.

This is the old school radio built into the wall in the living room.  It works.  And there is a speaker
in the ceiling of the living room and our room.  Cheesy, yet cool.

The cabinets are horrid, LOL.  But with some wood filler, sand paper, and paint...
they will be awesomesauce.

So, that's the tour.  I didn't do many outside shots as we aren't sure where property line is, and really, it's boring.  In my head it will be gorgeous, but it will take some work.

So, yeah, that's my big news.  We are officially home owners, albeit it a mobile home.  Whatever.  It's ours.  Which is kind of surreal.

That's my news for today.  I promise.  I am back.  I can do this.