Incognito

Hubby and I are very laid back parents.  I really believe in "Free Range Childhood."  I won't live in fear.  I let my kid eat dirt.  I let him get filthy.  I let him explore his world.  

The word "no" is completely ineffective as he is headstrong and willful.  If something is truly dangerous, I pull him away from it.  He finds anything he can to put in his mouth.  We spend a lot of time pulling those things out, but I don't freak.  It's what kids do.  

I don't want him to grow up with fear.  Kids learn by exploring, by experimenting - remember when we were kids and we played outside and no one was hyper vigilant regarding child safety?  Things are no different now in terms of statistics regarding kidnapping and other atrocities.  The difference is that now media coverage, tv shows, internet all blow everything up.  Fear is the word these days.

Having said that, I have had a few minor panics - weird bubble swollen thing on his penis when he was still tiny and the incision was healing.  Hives from blood work.  In those times, Mama Bear comes out.  She is a totally different person.  And don't get in her way if she is in protect mode.  Oh, hell no.

I don't look like I have an inner Mama Bear because I am so laid back.  But yesterday, she came out in full force.  I left a friend - grabbed P and our belongings and bolted.  All I could think was
"Have to get him safe.  Go, go, go."  I was shaking, crying.  But I did what I had to do.  

I watched my friend's family go into complete meltdown mode, with kids, adult all yellingscreaminghittingkickingcrying madness.  I didn't know how to help.  I couldn't do a damn thing but GET US OUT.  I don't know how to help them.  But all I could think was about us first.

And while I am sad that I abandoned a friend, I couldn't watch anymore.  I was thisclose to calling 911.  But me packing and leaving abruptly in the middle of everything was enough to stop the madness for a bit.  The important thing is: I put my child first, me first.  Huge step.  It means I know I can do it, but apparently only do so when things are so far gone that I have no other alternative.  

They have to admit that they need help.  But more than that, be willing to figure out a way to get it.  Abandoning a friend hurt.  Hurts.  What other choice did I have?  I can't imagine living in that angry way.  

In my hurry to leave, however, I forgot P's medicine in the fridge.  And his Tylenol.  Fuckaduck.  So now I need to call the hospital and try to get another script.  And beg my mom for money for it.  Sigh.  This is what happens when you go into fight or flight mode.  

Don't fuck with Mama Bear.