Hubby left 10 days ago. Cue a large empty space in the bed. Then again, I wasn't getting regularly punched in the face, and the dog had space to himself. I started sleeping in Hubby's space.
I spent Saturday night at my mom's. She took baby duty overnight so I could get my first real night of sleep since...oh, sometime early 2010. I tossed and turned, and when I heard him cry, it took a lot for me not to hop up and go take care of him. But, I slept. And you know what???? So did he! Woke up after 3 hours, then slept 4 hours, whimpered, and back to sleep for 2 more. What?????? This is not something he EVER does for me. E V E R.
After discussing this on FB and Twitter with my mommy friends, the conclusion is that my sound is a bloodhound, smells me when he's next to me, and wants to nurse. Even if he doesn't NEED to. So our lack of sleep is because he loves me so much. This breaks my heart. And it taught me I have to let go...
Starting Monday night, the night before 4 am wake-up for the new schedule, I put him to bed in his crib. And he stayed asleep for 3-4 hours, and then again until I got him up to leave. I am now getting 3.5 hours of sleep at a time. 1 overnight feeding.
My little boy is growing up already, and I am having to sever that apron spring way earlier than I wanted. I can't look over and see my baby. I can't reach out, put my hand on his chest, and let his breathing lull me to sleep. I don't wake up to his little sleepy grin when he sees his Mama for the first time in the morning.
Yes, I get a little more sleep in the deal.
But my bed is empty. And my arms are empty. And my heart aches.