I Take You With Me

I am a glutton for punishment.  No surprise there.  And with my cycle being all out of whack due to BF, Hubby being gone, me being off meds...needless to say, telling me I look pretty could very well set off the water works. 

I tend to make poor emotional decisions when this way.  Like listening to the Indigo Girls.  Which leads to getting my best male friend to watch "Boys On The Side" with me.  Not gonna lie: serious guilty "pleasure".  I love this movie.  And it makes me bawl.  EVERY. TIME.  I am way too empathetic for my own good.

So, I cried.  Wept.  Sniffled into my son's hair.  (And, yeah, right now writing this the tears are flowing again.  At work.)  I cried at all the points I normally do.  And then the end came.  And all of a sudden I was crying for a totally different reason.  A NEW reason.

I'm there, listening to Whoopie singing "Anything You Want (You Got It)" and the meaning of the song has now COMPLETELY changed for me.  As I sat there hugging my son, crying into his peach fuzz, I thought that the song could be sung to a child and not lose one bit of it's meaning (just have to change the "i'm your man line").  OMG, I was WEEPING. 

I've said it before, and I will say it again: I cannot believe the depth of feeling I have for my child.  Being away from him sometimes is like an ache...like a string tying us together and I can feel it tugging at me.  He doesn't have separation anxiety, I do.  And hearing that...oh, boy.   Seriously...anything this child wants (you know, within reason), he's got it.  I would go to the ends of the earth for him.

And THEN.  The following song is "I Take You With Me" by Melissa Etheridge.  So there I am, all of a sudden hearing Roy's song in a totally new way, and the next one hits me like a freaking Mack truck. 

Past the devil's own temptation

Beyond where angels sleep

To the holy invocation

Of a neon city street

I feel your hand

I hold you

Through your eyes I see

My love, wherever I go

I take you with me

Down the road of my desires

To the oceans of my peace

Through the fueling of my fires

Until my yearnings cease

I hear your voice

I know you

In your arms I sleep

My love, wherever I go

I take you with me

Even though I've fed my hunger

Even though I've named my fear

I'll never understand it

How the journey led me here

But I have made a promise

That I intend to keep

My love, wherever you go

I take you with me


I have seen so many pages regarding songs people attribute to their IF journey.  Songs either written specifically about it, or songs that touch people.  And I have listened to them all.  And I have listened to this one plenty since we began TTC, since I had P, etc.  But once again, sometimes there is an epiphany. 

All I could think of was all of my friends with RPL, infant loss, adoptions fallen through, embies that never stuck...  We carry them with us always, don't we?  No matter what happens.  No matter the joy that may follow.  We take them with us. 

And I take all of YOU with me, in my heart...this song, I think, has changed in my mind, my heart, forever.

"I Take You With Me" - Melissa Etheridge