Happy All Hallow's Eve

Trick Or Treat comes early in our neighborhood...Last Wednesday of the month.  Yeah, I know, don't get me started.  Grrr.  Anywho, P wore his costume early this year.  I am trying to figure out a reason to put him in it today, LOL.  But I thought I would share some of our Halloween celebrations!

This is actually over a month ago, but he
was going to grow out of it, so I wanted to use it!

Actual costume worn to hand out candy (and
flirt with all the people).  Our Monkey!

Caught this earlier that day or the day before - I
call it Obi Wan Sumboobie.

Who, me?  Nope, wasn't me.

Today we played with pumpkin seeds....sorry for the goofy layout.  My laptop hates me when I put in lots of photos and try to actually manipulate them.  *Sad Face*  

Digging in the goods.

Gnawing on the bowl, LOL.

He didn't want it to get away...

But it did....nooooo!  Come back!  

Sweet Shop Winner!

Good Ol' Random.Org has provided me with the number 3 out of 8 comments. 

I had to see if Ms. Foxy (in slot #3) was just commenting or actually entering.  Since she was NOT, rather than re-sort, I just moved down a slot and got my dear friend K!  So excited.  I have won multiple giveaways from her, so it's nice to pay it back!

Shoot me an email, hun, and we will work out the details!

Wordless Wednesday: Cousins and Pumpkins

Gle.e Twitt.er Campaign!!!

Don't forget about the Sweet Shop Tutu Giveaway!!! 3 days left to enter!

I don't know if you guys know Amber from Life In the Last Frontier. (Her blog is currently private, so no link right now!)  Anyway, after seeing the adoption plotline on this year's Gle.e, she began a simple little petition that ended up going NATIONAL.  Including a mention on Time Magazine's website!  Kind of amazing, really, what one person can do!

We are now going even bigger with this, if you would be willing to help!

A Twitt.er ccampaign, as follows:


Ask “Quinn” - would you appear in a PSA about adoption?

Join us on Twitter to ask the actress who plays Quinn, Dianna Agron, if she would do a PSA about adoption. Here’s what we’re tweeting:

November is Adoption Awareness Month! RT to ask @DiannaAgron would you do a #Glee PSA to help? http://chn.ge/qHQxOv

Adoption PSA “seems like a reasonable request” says @TIME. What do @DiannaAgron, @idinamenzel think? RT to ask them.http://chn.ge/nxX0fE

We heart #Glee’s Quinn - will @DiannaAgron help #adopted kids by doing a PSA? RT to ask her. http://chn.ge/qHQxOv

So, if you are on Twitt.er and wouldn't mind helping, that would be awesomesauce.  Feel free to copy and paste this to your blog as well.  We need to spread the word about the realities of adoption so that the young women and men in our country aren't misled, and so that adopted youth don't end up feeling terrible about their own parents.  Thank you so much!!!

FNL: Epic Fail

• Hubby's back couldn't take the driving, so they shipped him back to the school and sent him home. On our very thin dime.  After he had been a mere 2 hours from me the night before.  Yeah.
• This is a VERY expensive CDL. 
• I don't want to talk about money anymore.  Praying for a miracle.
• This situation could very much so adversely affect our chances for Baby 2.0.  I also do not really want to talk about that too much.
• It is weird to have him home after being alone for a month.  Like he is some stranger.  And then I feel guilty for that.  P and I had gotten into a routine. 
• Please cross your fingers for a job for Hubby. 
• Pumpkin patch take 2 is Sunday with Sister, Lil' Sis, and Littlest.  Along with Niece and P.  I am hoping for some awesome photos this time around!  
• Did I mention it's weird having him home?  He did dinner and helped with dishes.  I have a little free time.  I am blown away by this.
• Despite absolutely hating my job, I did kick ass last month, landing myself at #12 out of about 500 reps.  Don't worry, I'm blowing it again this month, LOL
• I expected better tree porn this year, but all the storms are kinda wiping them out early.  Still loving the weather and it being my favorite season, I am a happy camper.  
• P wants so badly to MOVE.  He wiggles, he squirms...he sometimes changes position a little from the wiggling, but no true forward motion.  He is also THISCLOSE to sitting on his own for more than a second or two.    He's growing sooo fast!  Where did my little peanut go?

That's me, in a nutshell...without being a total Debbie Downer.  Go check out Danifred for some more!

Giveaway: Sweet Shop Tutus!

Tutus you say?  But Genevieve, you have a (not so) little boy!  Aha!  'Tis true!  But I DO have a niece.  And lots of "nieces".  Plus, you know, they are fun!  I know many of you are waiting for your own rainbow baby...but do you have nieces?  Or "nieces"? 

Niece recently turned 1.  Her "auntie" Missi made her her very own custom tutu, and she wore it with pride! 

Missi came up with the idea when she drew a blank on what to make for a friend's daughter for her 3rd birthday.  And thus, Sweet Shop Tutus was born.

Sweet Shop Tutus are all HANDMADE within 48 hours of  you placing your order, and can also be custom ordered in colors you want and the specific size you need!

She makes Halloween Tutus, as well as themed tutus for all major holidays going forward.  Not gonna lie...I want one.  Who knows when a tutu will come in handy???  I bet she could do a special order adult sized one....  Tempting, isn't it? 

And the cool thing is, she makes them for young girls, babies...whatever size you need.  I know Niece is going to have a bunch for dress-up. 

Maybe I will get a couple to keep on hand for when Niece visits, or other little girls.  Or boys, you know, who want to show their feminine side ;-)

Missi started this on a whim, and I know many of us are all about supporting our fellow crafters.  Missi is a photographer, a tutu maker, a mama, a wife...(maybe we can get her to blog!!!). 

So, anywho, I wanted to support Sister's best friend and amazing talent.  Not a tutu fan?  Perhaps you just need to figure out where to wear it so it is more you...such as:

I get to give one of you a tutu!  So excited about this!  The winner will get to choose a flavor (I love that they are flavors!) and size from her Sweet Shop.  Let's give Missi some love, and maybe a little one in your life, too.

Here's how to win:

1. Leave me a comment with your favorite flavor from Sweet Shop Tutus (1 entry).
2. Follow them on Twitter: @sweetshoptutus and let me know (1 entry).
3. Follow them on FB: Sweet Shop Tutus and let me know (1 entry).
4. Tweet about the giveaway! (1 entry per tweet) (Sweet Shop Tutu Giveaway!  Check it out! http://gvandmonkey.blogspot.com/2011/10/giveaway-sweet-shop-tutus.html)

Contest runs until the very end of the day on 10/27/11.  Good Luck!!!

Maybe Not...

Well, I got him to nurse yesterday when I was fairly full.  And he did.  Just the once.  So...I guess the pumping fun continues.  I am loathe to let go.  I'm not going to lie.  If he is willing to nurse at all, then I will continue torturing myself, LOL. 

It is worth it for the time he does nurse. 

I am tossing around the idea of pumping only once/day at work instead of 3 times, as it obviously does not help my production to do the multiple pumpings.  I am too tired to think about it right now, though.

And so the emotional breastfeeding roller coaster continues...

An Ending...

P turns 7 months in 3 days.  And today marks my last attempt at breastfeeding.  This last week he has refused more often than not, or merely snacked.  My supply tanked.

I am done.  5 months of struggling and fighting my body and machines.  I can't do it anymore.  And apparently he doesn't want to anymore.  We put up a good fight.

I hate this.

HE PASSED!!!

Hubby passed his CDL.  Just got the word a bit ago.

4th time was the charm.

Him not being here SUCKS.  Him missing all this time with P SUCKS.  But knowing that he is willing to do whatever it takes for us, for his family...that is pretty awesome. 

I miss him.  I need to take more photos.  I love him. 

And I am proud of him.

FNL: This Week I Learned..

• That you don't give the dog the center ham bone left from soup made with beans.  Don't do it.  Just. Don't.  Trust me.
• That just because I made the decision to start P sleeping in his crib does NOT mean that my nights will be that much easier.  Most nights he ends up in bed with me at some point.  But ... many nights I am getting 4 hours straight at some point. 
• That just when I think I've made a hard decision and I will get a break, things like not being able to pay rent happen.  Frosties are still in storage, but we owe - and I had to use the Frostie money toward rent.  Which I wasn't even able to pay all of.  Putting us that much further behind.  Holding on by a thread here.  Wondering if we will ever break even and be able to try to make another baby.
• That I need to take care of myself better.  I am dehydrated, as evidenced by being sick much of Wednesday.  And I need to find time to eat.  A real meal.  Not a few bites here and there. 
• That somedays I'm not so sure pursuing a 2nd child is a good idea.  I'm not so good at time management, etc.  I am already so overwhelmed.
• That there are bandaids that will be unable to be pulled off without some form of tool.  Since I chewed off all my nails again.  That's okay, I like bandaids as fashion accessories.
• That Hubby not being home means the zit on my arse is just getting worse and worse and I can't do a damn thing about it because I am not an orangutan with arms longer than my legs.
• That sometimes I wonder if I can handle the daily assault on the emotions that this community brings.  The highs are REALLY high, the lows are so very low.  For someone like me who is already dealing with some bipolar issues, it can make or break my day hearing news.  But I am so much a part of it now.  I can't turn my back.
• That I am braindead in the mornings at work.  And it makes me make mistakes.  Good thing I'm not a surgeon or something!
• That my patience is very short these days.  Very short.  Very overwhelmed.  Tired.  Run down.  NO PATIENCE. 

I hope you all had a less stressful week than I did!

Kourage For Katy

Last week I posted about my friend Rebecka and her daughter Katy.  I put up a donation button over there on the left.

<----------------------

I have heard from the family, and wanted to update you as to where donations will be going.

They have chosen Hannah's Heroes.  So far we are still at ZERO.  I know times are tight.  But if you can even donate a dollar.  The money will be donated in Katy's name. 

Take a moment and check them out if you can.  Thanks everyone! 

PYHO: Should

I am incredibly tired of this word.  SHOULD.  As in...

He SHOULD be sleeping through the night by now.

He SHOULD be on a schedule by now.

You SHOULD not co-sleep.

Get the idea? 

Guess what...EAT ME.  This ass-vice comes from everyone from doctors to well-meaning friends.  My neurologist even chimed in on the sleeping through the night thing.  I said, "Tell him that." 

What is it with "Western" cultures and this need for baby structure?  Have you seen the research?  Babies for the most part end up at the same developmental milestones within the same general amount of time regardless of scheduling, how much belly time you give them, whether they sleep with their parents, or spend the first 6 months of their lives swaddled and carried in a papoose. 

Left to his/her own devices, a baby will eventually develop his own schedule. 

Am I going to deny my child food because it isn't time for him to eat?  NO.  If he cries at night, am I going to let him cry it out?  NO.  Maybe this works for others.  But not for me, and not for him. 

I can't spoil him.  Not possible.  And is it so bad that he learns that if he is upset that Mama will come staggering like a zombie running to his side?  Why is this bad???  Why are we so keen on structure?  Yes, some kids thrive on it.  And if that works for you and them, AWESOME.  My kid is, well, a little more laid back about such things.  He cannot be forced.  Hey, I'm excited we seem to have an actual almost standard bedtime.  I consider this progress. 

But I am NOT forcing the issue.  I take my cues from him.  I knew when I had a child that he would be in charge for quite some time.  He is NEEDS based.  We are slaves to society, schedules, etc.  This is why we want them to be.  Because it's hard as hell on us otherwise.  Well, guess what?  No one said it would be easy. 

So, please, stop telling my what I or my baby SHOULD be doing.  We'll get there.  When he is ready. 

SHOULD isn't in his vocabulary.  NEED is.  So is LOVE.



My Memories - GIVEAWAY!!! -- WINNER!

So, my first hosted giveaway was mildly disappointing.  Only a few entrants.  But, that's okay :-)  Still excited I got to do it!

Random.org took my 16 comments, and selected #12!!!  So, I counted down from the first one, and got Nicole!  Rather apropos, actually.  Yay for my Cycle Buddy who has done so, so much for me!  Thank you!

Email me when you get a chance and I will let you know how to get your software!

Thanks to those who did participate.  Really appreciate it!

New giveaway coming soon!!!

More Tragedy

Yesterday I posted about a song and it's meaning in our community.  Today it is more apropos than I could have imagined. 

Our community sadly has a new member. Rebecka's 2 year old daughter has a brain stem glioma.  Cancer.  In a 2 year old.  Sunday they had a new hope.  The amazing doctors at CHOP were going to hopefully help get more of the tumor. With any luck, 6 months of hell would be over.  Katy's surgery was Sunday.  By Wednesday she still had not woken up and was unresponsive.  Wednesday afternoon an EEG showed no brain activity. 

Rebecka's family are now all with her in Philly, but arrangements are being made.  A young life has been lost to a senseless, indiscriminate disease.  Katy's younger sister will never remember her, and most likely, for her older brothers, she will be but a fuzzy memory.  A spirited, babbling little girl is gone. 

She needs our support, you guys. Please, if nothing else, go give her some love.  Send hugs, support, reach out.  I know you guys.  This is our community. 

I do not know what the funeral arrangements are, nor do I have her address yet, but I would like to start a fund, whether for her funeral costs or for a donation, or whatever she prefers.  To keep it generic, I have posted a button to the left that you can click on if you are able to give even a $ or $$, hell even 1/$.  I will update you with what we have, and where it will ultimately be going. 

Either way, please go give her some love.  She and her family need it.  Thanks, everyone.

I Take You With Me

I am a glutton for punishment.  No surprise there.  And with my cycle being all out of whack due to BF, Hubby being gone, me being off meds...needless to say, telling me I look pretty could very well set off the water works. 

I tend to make poor emotional decisions when this way.  Like listening to the Indigo Girls.  Which leads to getting my best male friend to watch "Boys On The Side" with me.  Not gonna lie: serious guilty "pleasure".  I love this movie.  And it makes me bawl.  EVERY. TIME.  I am way too empathetic for my own good.

So, I cried.  Wept.  Sniffled into my son's hair.  (And, yeah, right now writing this the tears are flowing again.  At work.)  I cried at all the points I normally do.  And then the end came.  And all of a sudden I was crying for a totally different reason.  A NEW reason.

I'm there, listening to Whoopie singing "Anything You Want (You Got It)" and the meaning of the song has now COMPLETELY changed for me.  As I sat there hugging my son, crying into his peach fuzz, I thought that the song could be sung to a child and not lose one bit of it's meaning (just have to change the "i'm your man line").  OMG, I was WEEPING. 

I've said it before, and I will say it again: I cannot believe the depth of feeling I have for my child.  Being away from him sometimes is like an ache...like a string tying us together and I can feel it tugging at me.  He doesn't have separation anxiety, I do.  And hearing that...oh, boy.   Seriously...anything this child wants (you know, within reason), he's got it.  I would go to the ends of the earth for him.

And THEN.  The following song is "I Take You With Me" by Melissa Etheridge.  So there I am, all of a sudden hearing Roy's song in a totally new way, and the next one hits me like a freaking Mack truck. 

Past the devil's own temptation

Beyond where angels sleep

To the holy invocation

Of a neon city street

I feel your hand

I hold you

Through your eyes I see

My love, wherever I go

I take you with me

Down the road of my desires

To the oceans of my peace

Through the fueling of my fires

Until my yearnings cease

I hear your voice

I know you

In your arms I sleep

My love, wherever I go

I take you with me

Even though I've fed my hunger

Even though I've named my fear

I'll never understand it

How the journey led me here

But I have made a promise

That I intend to keep

My love, wherever you go

I take you with me


I have seen so many pages regarding songs people attribute to their IF journey.  Songs either written specifically about it, or songs that touch people.  And I have listened to them all.  And I have listened to this one plenty since we began TTC, since I had P, etc.  But once again, sometimes there is an epiphany. 

All I could think of was all of my friends with RPL, infant loss, adoptions fallen through, embies that never stuck...  We carry them with us always, don't we?  No matter what happens.  No matter the joy that may follow.  We take them with us. 

And I take all of YOU with me, in my heart...this song, I think, has changed in my mind, my heart, forever.

"I Take You With Me" - Melissa Etheridge

PYHO: Empty Bed, Empty Arms

For 6 months, my son has either been next to the bed in his cradle or in bed with us. Recently he outgrew the cradle, so he has just been in bed with us.  Between me, Hubby, the dog, and P, our queen-sized bed has been a rather crowded cozy place. 

Hubby left 10 days ago.  Cue a large empty space in the bed. Then again, I wasn't getting regularly punched in the face, and the dog had space to himself.  I started sleeping in Hubby's space. 

I spent Saturday night at my mom's.  She took baby duty overnight so I could get my first real night of sleep since...oh, sometime early 2010.  I tossed and turned, and when I heard him cry, it took a lot for me not to hop up and go take care of him.  But, I slept.  And you know what????  So did he!  Woke up after 3 hours, then slept 4 hours, whimpered, and back to sleep for 2 more.  What??????  This is not something he EVER does for me.  E  V  E  R.

After discussing this on FB and Twitter with my mommy friends, the conclusion is that my sound is a bloodhound, smells me when he's next to me, and wants to nurse.  Even if he doesn't NEED to.  So our lack of sleep is because he loves me so much.  This breaks my heart.  And it taught me I have to let go...

Starting Monday night, the night before 4 am wake-up for the new schedule, I put him to bed in his crib.  And he stayed asleep for 3-4 hours, and then again until I got him up to leave.  I am now getting 3.5 hours of sleep at a time.  1 overnight feeding. 

My little boy is growing up already, and I am having to sever that apron spring way earlier than I wanted.    I can't look over and see my baby.  I can't reach out, put my hand on his chest, and let his breathing lull me to sleep.  I don't wake up to his little sleepy grin when he sees his Mama for the first time in the morning.

Yes, I get a little more sleep in the deal.

But my bed is empty. And my arms are empty. And my heart aches.



My Memories - GIVEAWAY!!!

I have always wanted to scrapbook.  But I have enough on my plate, and I never think to get photos other than those I want framed printed.  Plus, it would be more chaos around my already cluttered home.  So when I was approached to try a digital scrapbooking software, I jumped at the chance!

I give major props to those of you that work with actual paper, scissors, etc.  You make AMAZING things.  I, the technologically impaired, apparently actually do better with digital things!  Who knew?

One of the reasons that I am super excited about this is that we are HUGE fans of photos in our family.  I have tons of my pregnancy and his newborn shots that I still need to hang.  But I LOVE the collage look as well, and I was really looking for something inexpensive but creative I could do for gifts this year.

Enter My Memories into my life at a VERY helpful time.  The software is easy to use, and it takes very little time to put together some awesome looking pages.  There are FREE downloads on their site to embellish what comes with the software, or paid downloads from some really talented designers.

Did I mention easy?  I did this in about 10 minutes, as the start to an album I want to put together:

They even have videos on YouTube to assist with the software and with ideas.  (Great for the technologically impaired persons like myself.)

Best part?  I get to pass this on to you guys!!! One of you will get the  My Memories Digital Scrapbooking Software for FREE!!!  That is a $40 value, which is SWEET.

For those of you who don't win, but are interested, you can get $10 off the scrapbooking software, plus a $10 store coupon using this promo code: STMMMS78804.  Win/Win, right?

Please leave a comment for each entry!  Make sure at least one of your comments has your email address!

• Mandatory: Visit My Memories, take a look around, and leave me a comment telling me what your favorite product, layout, what-have-you, is!
• Follow My Memories on Twitter (@MyMemoriesSuite). (1 entry)
• Follow My Memories on Facebook (My Memories Suite). (1 entry)
• Leave a comment on their blog and shoot me a link (My Memories). (2 entries)
• Let me know you follow me!  (1 entry)
• Follow me on Twitter (@AttilaTheHippie) (1 entry)
• Tweet about the contest!  (1 entry/tweet - make sure to @AttilaTheHippie so I can add it to you!  And let me know your twitter name when you follow me!)

So that is 8+ possible entries.  Giveaway will end 10/10/11 at midnight.  Any comment before then that is a valid entry will count, and I will use one of those coolio sites that does a random choosing.  PLEASE make sure you leave in the mandatory comment your email address so I can get ahold of you!  Thanks!  

And GOOD LUCK!!!

*I was contacted to do a review of this product and received a copy of the software for that purpose.  All opinions are my own*