I went to the clinic yesterday and did the intake process. I lucked out and am able to get psych eval Thursday. Tomorrow. It may be a few weeks before I can see a therapist. We talked about a plan to get me through the days...getting out of the house. Taking P for walks. Doing things that I enjoy (even though right now everything feels like a chore), and about my support system. He seemed pleased by the support I have in place.
But I am just getting worse right now. I went to the crisis center after I finished the intake. Unfortunately, the center doc was on call for the hospital and could not see me. Fuck.
I had the day to myself, so I came home and I'm not gonna lie. I took 2 of Hubby's pain pills and let them knock me out so I could just SLEEP. Because that seemed the safest option. I am going to try to go to the crisis center again today, but the time frame means I may not be able to find a sitter for P and that is a problem. I know I see the psych lady tomorrow. So I can make it, right? Right?
My trip is postponed until I can get myself stable. My unemployment was officially denied, so I have to appeal that, but I honestly don't feel like I can work right now. Not at any place where I could get hired quickly. I need work that makes me feel good, whole. I honestly don't know if work is something that would help right now or hinder. I feel like I can't make any decisions and trust that they are good ones. Other than the one I made to go to the clinic.
The outpouring of support I have received from family and friends and bleeps and feeps and tweeps is simply amazing. You all give me the strength to get through this. I wish there was some way I could thank you all in person. Hug you. Something.
Music is helping me. I rediscovered Melissa Etheridge the other day. One song in particular has been helping. So, I leave you with that.