Wednesday, April 18, 2012

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

I went to the clinic yesterday and did the intake process.  I lucked out and am able to get psych eval Thursday.  Tomorrow.  It may be a few weeks before I can see a therapist.  We talked about a plan to get me through the days...getting out of the house.  Taking P for walks.  Doing things that I enjoy (even though right now everything feels like a chore), and about my support system.  He seemed pleased by the support I have in place.

But I am just getting worse right now. I went to the crisis center after I finished the intake.  Unfortunately, the center doc was on call for the hospital and could not see me.  Fuck.

I had the day to myself, so I came home and I'm not gonna lie.  I took 2 of Hubby's pain pills and let them knock me out so I could just SLEEP.  Because that seemed the safest option.  I am going to try to go to the crisis center again today, but the time frame means I may not be able to find a sitter for P and that is a problem.  I know I see the psych lady tomorrow.  So I can make it, right? Right?

My trip is postponed until I can get myself stable.  My unemployment was officially denied, so I have to appeal that, but I honestly don't feel like I can work right now.  Not at any place where I could get hired quickly.  I need work that makes me feel good, whole.  I honestly don't know if work is something that would help right now or hinder.  I feel like I can't make any decisions and trust that they are good ones.  Other than the one I made to go to the clinic.

The outpouring of support I have received from family and friends and bleeps and feeps and tweeps is simply amazing.  You all give me the strength to get through this.  I wish there was some way I could thank you all in person.  Hug you.  Something.

Music is helping me.  I rediscovered Melissa Etheridge the other day.  One song in particular has been helping.  So, I leave you with that.

6 comments:

  1. You don't need to thank us, you just need to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and P. Good luck and take care.

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  2. I wish I lived closer and could come and help. {{{Hugs}}}

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  3. You CAN make it. (((hugs)))

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  4. Oh sweetie. Big, big hugs. Please take care of yourself. And if you ever need to chat, I'm just an email away. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I've gone through several bad patches since my diagnosis. All I can tell you is that it does get better.

    Thinking of you. xo

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  5. Still out here thinking of you. None of what you describe sounds easy (understatement) but I am so glad that you are going on taking steps to get the care you need.

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  6. Sending lots of love and hugs your way. I wish I could be there to hug you in person. I hope so much that you can find the help you need.

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Whip me, beat me, take away my charge card. Or just leave a comment. Whichever works best for you :)