Wednesday, April 18, 2012

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

I went to the clinic yesterday and did the intake process.  I lucked out and am able to get psych eval Thursday.  Tomorrow.  It may be a few weeks before I can see a therapist.  We talked about a plan to get me through the days...getting out of the house.  Taking P for walks.  Doing things that I enjoy (even though right now everything feels like a chore), and about my support system.  He seemed pleased by the support I have in place.

But I am just getting worse right now. I went to the crisis center after I finished the intake.  Unfortunately, the center doc was on call for the hospital and could not see me.  Fuck.

I had the day to myself, so I came home and I'm not gonna lie.  I took 2 of Hubby's pain pills and let them knock me out so I could just SLEEP.  Because that seemed the safest option.  I am going to try to go to the crisis center again today, but the time frame means I may not be able to find a sitter for P and that is a problem.  I know I see the psych lady tomorrow.  So I can make it, right? Right?

My trip is postponed until I can get myself stable.  My unemployment was officially denied, so I have to appeal that, but I honestly don't feel like I can work right now.  Not at any place where I could get hired quickly.  I need work that makes me feel good, whole.  I honestly don't know if work is something that would help right now or hinder.  I feel like I can't make any decisions and trust that they are good ones.  Other than the one I made to go to the clinic.

The outpouring of support I have received from family and friends and bleeps and feeps and tweeps is simply amazing.  You all give me the strength to get through this.  I wish there was some way I could thank you all in person.  Hug you.  Something.

Music is helping me.  I rediscovered Melissa Etheridge the other day.  One song in particular has been helping.  So, I leave you with that.


  1. You don't need to thank us, you just need to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and P. Good luck and take care.

  2. I wish I lived closer and could come and help. {{{Hugs}}}

  3. You CAN make it. (((hugs)))

  4. Oh sweetie. Big, big hugs. Please take care of yourself. And if you ever need to chat, I'm just an email away. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I've gone through several bad patches since my diagnosis. All I can tell you is that it does get better.

    Thinking of you. xo

  5. Still out here thinking of you. None of what you describe sounds easy (understatement) but I am so glad that you are going on taking steps to get the care you need.

  6. Sending lots of love and hugs your way. I wish I could be there to hug you in person. I hope so much that you can find the help you need.


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