Friday Night Leftovers: Stream of Consciousness

I lie awake at night making sure P is asleep, or when he is nursing, and write posts in my head and then promptly forget them the next morning.  They tend to jump from one thing to another in what is a logical fashion for me.  Let's see if I can kinda recreate some of it.

• The roomies will have all their stuff out by the 16th.  Woohoo!  
• This is good because Hubby's mom is coming!  She has to do some work in NY and is going to spend the weekend of the 22nd with us!  *does a little jig* She will be the first of his family to meet P!
• Which means I need to CLEAN.  Thus, it's a good thing for 2 bullets above.
• It also means I need to figure out a way to get off that Saturday...
• ...and speaking of work, I haven't heard from that other job yet.  And I'm trying now to get more hours at work given our new situation...
• ...and speaking of THAT, Hubby applied for unemployment, because apparently it is a rumor that if you are an independent contractor you can't apply.  *Fingers crossed*
• Cuz you know, paying rent is a good thing.  And other stuff.  
• Like daycare..do we keep it or toss it?  I have an FSA for daycare - if I take him out, I have to cancel that, and can't get it back until open enrollment.  I am of the opinion that it's too early to make that decision.
• But I HAVE made the decision to purchase a new pump with some of the funds sent by FIL for baby gates (the leftover)...my nipples feel like I've never BF before.  Cracks, bleeding, PAIN.  Time to try something different.  
• So if you heard a yell this morning, that was me when P latched on.  I get off on getting piercings and tattoos...this IS NOT THE SAME.  I now get why people have a hard time adjusting.
• But we got P weaned off of formula at home...well, mostly.  I am willingly topping off his evening meal with 2oz of formula to encourage a sleepy baby.  Some nights I even get nearly 4 hours straight out of him!  In his cradle!  
• I don't feel guilty.  He is still more than 50% on BM - probably closer to 75%, at the minimum.  
• Speaking of BBs, I still haven't popped the postpartum cherry.  Though, after a few drinks Monday I DID ask the neighbor if he would get his daughter to babysit so we could.  LOL.
• Have any of you thought about explaining safe sex to a child conceived in a petri dish?  "Well honey, when a man loves a woman..."  "But mommy, that's not how I was made."  "...."  Hmmm, time to order those cool books for kids of ART. And reference a biology book so I don't fuck up the facts.  You know, since I can't imagine how it actually works that way.
• Which made me think that a great re-name for my blog would be "Out Of The Petri Dish, Into The Fire.  Tagline: From Infertility to Parenthood "  Bahahaha, crack myself up!  And if any of you steal that, I will hunt you down!  Because I still may use it for something!  Too bad I would be terrible at writing a book.  
• And with that, I have written plenty.  Ciao!  Enjoy the holiday weekend!

Well, That's That

After a fabulously relaxing 24 hours at my mom's with P, things came crashing down.

Just before I was to leave to head home, Hubby called.  The shit hit the fan here.  And I can't write about it here due to privacy issues, but let's just say, it could have been a LOT worse.  And I am thankful that I wasn't here, P wasn't here, and Hubby is okay.

We were discussing the next morning bumping up the "everyone has to be out of our house" timeframe due to the events of Sunday, when Hubby's boss called...

Now, he is an independent contractor, and someone new took over their division about 6 months ago, and things have been rocky since then.  The f'ing idiot running it is clueless.  Long story made short, he pulled Hubby's contract due to the fact that he felt that Hubby had been doing his job incorrectly all this time.  In reality, he didn't pay attention to how it had been done (the boss that is).

Which means we just lost over half our income.

And...since he is independent, he cannot claim unemployment.  Yeah.  Awesome.

The irony of this?  I just put in my application yesterday morning for a new job with first day benefits and $20k in IF coverage which would allow us to use our frosties THIS YEAR.  Which we've decided is what we want.  And just pray my body handles it if I do in fact manage to get pregnant.

So what now?  Well, Hubby has been picking up paper routes when people are on vacation.  We are thinking he is going to pick up more, and try to get hired on as a utility driver, which means he delivers the papers that get missed or people who couldn't get it done on their regular routes due to being ill or something.  The paper routes themselves are basically cash payment.  He is also working on scrapping with the neighbor.

And I am contacting WIC this week.  Hopefully today.

We will make things work.  We always do.  We're good at being scrappy.  But my shit luck, man.  We were just getting a handle on things.

So, the house will be all ours again by July 15 (you have NO IDEA how happy I am about this!), and now we just figure out how to make ends meet...again.

Wish us luck, you guys.  We need a little right now.

42 Years

This week 42 years ago was the official beginning of the Gay Rights Movement in NYC.  The Stonewall Riots are really what got things moving.  And through the years, things have been very stop and go.

It's not that long ago that I was in college in Lancaster, PA.  There was all of one gay bar, The Tally Ho, and going there meant sometimes putting your welfare in danger.  People would drive by and chuck things at us.  My girlfriend and I were terrified to hold hands.  We were THE ONLY openly gay couple on a campus of 8,000 people.  Even the local cops knew us.  We fought hard for any sort of respect on campus, often thwarted by uber Christian Right groups in a very Catholic town.  We did what we could to open people's eyes, to show them that we are just like everyone else, including implementing a "Speak Out" program in which we went to invited classrooms to tell our stories and answer questions.  It helped.  A lot.  But it's always been a long battle.

This past weekend, NY became the 6th State to pass an equal marriage law.  Notice I said "equal marriage" as opposed to "gay marriage"?  Although...all marriages should be gay!  As in happy!  All should also be equal, but hey, I can't make either of those happen.  However, I think it is important that if our Constitution says that we are all created equal, then our laws should uphold that.

NY passing this law effectively doubles the number of people in our country now able to marry whomever they choose (except, you know, your cousin or other blood relative).  It's about time.  And for such a large state, with such an influential status, to pass this is a huge thing.

Pride this weekend was a victory party, with stories of lovers able to marry partners after years and years and years.

I can only hope it continues, spreads...that recognition of equality becomes the norm instead of a battle.

42 years is a long time...let us hope that it doesn't take another 42 years for this to become the norm.

Friday Night Leftovers: Crazy Week



Littlest holding Niece, Sister holding Peanut, myself on Father's Day

 Friday Night Leftovers on a Friday?  Say it ain't so!!!  LOL.

• It's been a hell of a week.  Glad for a couple days off that will (hopefully) not involve a doctor, limping, or large quantities of tissues.
• I suppose I should explain.



Me, Dad, and Peanut



• I have been sharing a cold with Peanut for about 2 weeks now.  I have it worse than he does, and it lowered my immune system - resulting in a minor case of mastitis. Yeah, that was fun.  The infection led to my cold getting way worse.  Vicious cycle.  So, between P, and myself, I have missed 4 days of work in 2 weeks.  Eep!
• That is no bueno, and I imagine I will be getting a talking to at work.  But what can I do?
• I have tendonitis in many joints, and one of the worst is my right foot.  Usually everyday activities do not bother it at all.  Sunday I stepped out of my shoe funny and OWWWWW!  So on and off all week I've had shooting pain up my foot and aching all the way up to my knee.  Sigh.  Trying to be very careful of how I walk. 
• Sunday was Father's Day as you all know, I'm sure, and the sisters who are on the Dad side of things took him out to lunch.  LilSis has a different dad, and was not there.  It was actually quite nice! 
• I just lost half my dang post!!!  Fuh-get-abaht-it. 
• I don't feel like putting it all back in, so OH, WELL!  You are going to miss the SEX bullet point! 
• I forgot to post about P's 3rd month, but I covered most of the info last week in the leftovers so I don't feel too badly about it. I will try to get some comparison pics up so you can see a real difference from newborn preemie to 3 month old who looks like a newborn, LOL. 
• We are going to have our house back to ourselves VERY SOON as we have retracted all offers of couches, basements, etc.  We want our house to us since we have very rarely had that, and not since we have had P.  Time for it to be a family home.  I CAN'T F'ING WAIT!
• That's it.  Or else I will never stop, or I will cover things which truly need their own post.  Happy Friday!  Go enjoy it!

Praying To....?

When it comes to religion, I am, well, not anti-religion.  But it's not for me.  I was not raised in the Church, and any forays there for weddings, funerals, what have you, made me uncomfortable.  I was a hat counter, LOL.  As soon as I was old enough, I bowed out.  And this was just for your basic Easter, Christmas Eve service. 

I wouldn't go so far as to say I am an atheist.  Agnostic is more like it.  At the same time, I do consider myself to be greatly spiritual, and I do see a difference between a practiced religion and that.  If I HAD to label, I would say I am more pagan in my beliefs. 

And yet...

Once upon a time, within the last year, in fact, I found it so incredibly annoying if, when hearing of my IF issues, that people would say they were praying for me.  It made me uncomfortable.  More than you can imagine.  Or when someone says "God bless you" and they aren't saying it because you sneezed. (I say "gesundheit").  I feel like if there was a God, of the sort that so many in the world worship, why would he let the things happen that he does?  I know that even those with faith fight those feelings.

Anyway, why did it bother me?  No one is forcing anything on me when they say that...they are simply wishing the best for me.  And so I no longer balk upon hearing or seeing those words.

To say I don't pray would be a lie.  I think even the atheists among us practice some sort of prayer.  What, after all, is a wish made verbal or sent out among the energy waves?  What is it if I send you positive energy?  I am praying for the best, wishing you weren't going through what you are, hoping it gets better.

I say things like, "Please let my baby be strong."  "Please let me be able to provide for him as long as he needs."  I am not saying these things to Hubby, to someone in front of me, to a living thing.  I am throwing them out there to the universe to hopefully be picked up by...something.

I don't believe in an all-knowing God.  Or Allah.  I believe in wise men.  I believe in Science.   And I believe in the power of Mother Nature, our Earth, Gaia, Ewya if you will.  That all things are connected.  That sometimes, things do happen the way they are supposed to, no matter how horrid.  I believe in Fate.

And I pray.  There is no other word for it, no matter how hard I try to avoid it.  I pray for all of you, that your dreams of Motherhood come true.  That I can figure out what our next step is.  That I made the right decision bringing a child into this crazy world.  That my friends and family will be okay.

I worship when I lay in the grass and feel growth and renewal and health.  I worship when I turn my face to the sun and bask in its warm rays.  I worship when I float on an ocean current, or listen to the whisper of leaves in the breeze.

Maybe my Church isn't a building, and maybe I fight the norm, and avoid words like "pray" and "God" and Bibles and Korans.  But in recent times, I have realized that it is okay for me to say that I am praying for you, not just thinking of you.  It is okay for me to throw a hope out on the wind, a wish on a star...

Because we all need it.  We need that positive energy.  And that is what a prayer is.

Does it matter if it isn't aimed at any entity in particular?  I think not.

After all...it's the thought that counts, right?

From Trashy to Green and Thriving

We rent half of a duplex, and our LL is a lazy fuck.  The yard SUCKED - a LOT.  Now, we don't plan on being here forever, but there is a solid chance it will be at least another year.  Either way, we couldn't stand having a useless yard, small though it was.  So...we transformed it :-)  And now it's respectable.  There are a couple small things left to complete, but what we've done is beautiful.

This is the start...Nasty bushes, and there was a GIANT rusted metal pole
behind where I took the photo, and MORE bushes.  The grass was mostly
dead or in bunches.

This is now!  Plants in the side bed, sunflowers and others
coming up in the front bed, and vines starting to grow up
to cover the old fence we installed.  (Well, Hubby and friends).

This is Part I of the garden...cukes, zucchini,
yellow squash, and herbs.

Part II - bell peppers and a variety of hot peppers!

Tomatoes!!!

So, that's how you garden with a tiny yard!  The yard is separated into grassy area, and bbq/dog area by that fence.  The back fence was put together from the recycled weird stuff that formally was the walkway.

Even if we ARE renting, I would much rather enjoy the space.  I think the LL should pay US for making it look habitable, LOL.

Book Review: Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay

My sister loaned me a book recently, and I read it in one afternoon.  Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay.  I couldn't put it down.  For all of you who are moms and on your way (ummm, which is pretty much all of you!) this is a MUST READ.

It simultaneously made me laugh out loud and feel better about my bumbling new mother skills.  And let me tell you, some days that is a highly beneficial thing!  She breaks everything down into understandable language, and the humor is awesome.

There are classifications of the different kinds of moms - hysterical even if you find yourself in one of the categories.  Her take on assvice is fantastic.

I have to admit, when I looked at the title, I looked at Sister and said, "Actually, sippy cups would make being drunk a LOT easier!"  Luckily, rather than be disgusted, she told me she'd thought the same thing.  Which brings up a whole other topic...but I won't go there right now.

Anywho, check it out.  Download it to your Kindle or e-reader, go buy a copy, whatever.  Put it in the bathroom...if nothing else, it's great fun for a poop read, LOL.  (Not that I would know...)

But speaking of fun with baby stuff...

Go check out this post about a modern baby shower: http://sarcasm-101.blogspot.com/2011/06/baby-shower-in-brief.html.  It's awesome fun.

That's all for now.  Just had to share the fabulous book with you!




*I was not paid or reimbursed in any way for this.  I simply had to share!