I am a crazy hormonal mess. I am weaning off meds. So far a week of half my normal dose. It's not helping with the hormonal crazy. I'm not sure sometimes if it's the meds or the hormones. I have no energy. We are unpacking like mad people and I hit a wall. I can't stand to do anymore. Today one of the dogs pooped and peed on the living room floor, P's diaper leaked all over the bed and a couple throw pillows and then the toilet overflowed. Luckily we had a plunger. Not helping the crazy.
The crib is not side-car'd yet. The cradle is not ready. Nothing is washed. I AM making progress on weeding through the baby clothes and I should have benefits next week.
I am NOT READY. I feel a hot mess. And I'm NOT READY to have another baby to handle. All I keep thinking is that P was here a little more than a week more into pregnancy than where I am now. 10 days. No, just no.
I know he'll come when he is ready, but I'M NOT READY.
I am actually terrified. Terrified I won't figure out how to handle my demanding toddler and a newborn. Terrified I'll go off the deep end again when the postpartum hormones hit. Terrified I won't produce enough milk again and feel terrible about that body fail again. Terrified I will make milk but P will flip at the lack of attention. Terrified that P will flip about the lack of attention anyway.
I'm ready to be done being pregnant. I'm not used to being active this far into pregnancy. I'm woefully out of shape. It makes me exhausted. And since Finn is stubbornly breech, I'm rather uncomfortable. So that part - I'm ready to be done. But I'm just not ready for what comes after.
I know a lot of this is normal fears. But with my all too recent history...ugh.
Tell me I can do this. Moms do it all the time. I'm so scared...