Saturday, April 27, 2013

Not Ready

I am a crazy hormonal mess.  I am weaning off meds.  So far a week of half my normal dose.  It's not helping with the hormonal crazy.  I'm not sure sometimes if it's the meds or the hormones.  I have no energy.  We are  unpacking like mad people and I hit a wall.  I can't stand to do anymore.  Today one of the dogs pooped and peed on the living room floor, P's diaper leaked all over the bed and a couple throw pillows and then the toilet overflowed.  Luckily we had a plunger.  Not helping the crazy.

The crib is not side-car'd yet.  The cradle is not ready.  Nothing is washed.  I AM making progress on weeding through the baby clothes and I should have benefits next week.

I am NOT READY.  I feel a hot mess.  And I'm NOT READY to have another baby to handle.  All I keep thinking is that P was here a little more than a week more into pregnancy than where I am now.  10 days.  No, just no.

I know he'll come when he is ready, but I'M NOT READY.

I am actually terrified.  Terrified I won't figure out how to handle my demanding toddler and a newborn.  Terrified I'll go off the deep end again when the postpartum hormones hit.  Terrified I won't produce enough milk again and feel terrible about that body fail again.  Terrified I will make milk but P will flip at the lack of attention.  Terrified that P will flip about the lack of attention anyway.

I'm ready to be done being pregnant.  I'm not used to being active this far into pregnancy.  I'm woefully out of shape.  It makes me exhausted.  And since Finn is stubbornly breech, I'm rather uncomfortable.  So that part - I'm ready to be done.  But I'm just not ready for what comes after.

I know a lot of this is normal fears.  But with my all too recent history...ugh.

Tell me I can do this.  Moms do it all the time.  I'm so scared...


  1. You can do this. I can, and I have no family around, except my husband. My toddler is highly spirited, I think they call it, and my second baby - well, he is more mellow, but still a handful. Newbornhood was easier than this mobile, teething, on the brink of toddlerhood phase. But. YOU CAN DO IT.

  2. I know that you really want to be able to breastfeed again. But is it realistic--and safe--to be going off of your medication right now? It's concerning that you've just moved and don't have a doctor who knows you monitoring what's happening while you're weaning yourself off the meds. What's best for your baby is to have a mom who feels okay, can make it through the day, and isn't self-destructive; breastfeeding, while wonderful, is secondary to that. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of your babies.

  3. You can do this...but...I'm right there with ya. As much as I hate to say it b/c I know this is the last time for me, I'm ready to be done being pregnant. I'm uncomfortable, I can't sleep, I'm just ready to get my body back. And we have done almost nothing to prepare either. We DID make a good dent in cleaning/organizing this past weekend, but we don't have a crib, car seat, yeah, all things you need for a baby. Chloe came 12 days early so I'm going off of that, meaning we have 3 weeks left. Holy hell, that's not much time!! Hang in there, we'll get it all done!

  4. You not only CAN do this, you ARE doing it!!!!


Whip me, beat me, take away my charge card. Or just leave a comment. Whichever works best for you :)