NEVER AGAIN

It's been a while - packing and preparing to move us 1500 miles has taken up all my time.  That being said, today P and I flew to our new home in TX. 

NEVER AGAIN.

I am 32 weeks pregnant today.  8 months.  P doesn't do restraint.  He weighs 30+ pounds.  I had a carseat, carry-on, diaper bag, purse, and him.  Did I mention I am 32 weeks pregnant?

Hubby got us in to the check-in counter and then to Security.  Which sounds lovely, and it was.  Except that it took the noobs at the counter half an hour at least to check us in.  We're talking trainee, trainer, and manager.  HALF AN HOUR.  Meanwhile, P is running around like a crazy child alternately happy and screaming bloody murder and Hubby is chasing him and trying to entertain him. 

I flew SPIRIT airlines.  And yes, I'm going to bad mouth them.  The rates were GREAT.  Couldn't choose seats ahead of time without paying, which I found out when I called Customer Service...that is, when I finally found a phone number for them.  The man was useless regarding information about checking a carseat.  Now, I've worked customer service for a long time.  At this point, it would have been nice if he mentioned, "oh, you should go online and check your bags ahead of time and save yourself a lot of money."  $45 for my crazy heavy checked bag (hey, I'm moving cross-country here!) and ... wait for it ... $50 for my 1 carry-on bag.  Yeah, you read that right.  $50.  I believe the words out of my mouth were "Are you shitting me????!!!!!"  So, that's $95.  I should have bought the next fare up on a more established airline. 

So, after 30 minutes of training and confusion and fuck-ups, I finally was given my boarding passes.  So back up the elevator we go, with P in the carseat strapped to the carry-on FREAKING OUT.  I finally pulled out his lovey and sippy (read: paci) and he calmed down.  Which got us to the entrance to Security.  Hubby leaves us.  And now I am on my own.  I'm already nearly in tears.

Security:  Okay, you know when you're out and you see that mom that looks like she'd like a stiff drink and her child is screaming and running around or lying on the ground throwing a fit and she looks like she might just join him and cry and you think either, "that poor woman," or "what the fuck is wrong with her kid?"  THAT.  He was FINALLY calm.  And then I had to put everything on that damn conveyor belt.  4 bins plus the carry-on and the carseat.  Which had to be inspected by hand.  I had to unstrap everything, pile it all on, and TAKE AWAY THE LOVEY AND SIPPY.  Holy fuck, you would have thought the world ended. 

They let me carry him through and then I had to try to keep him calm and corral all my stuff again. 

This was an epic failure.  By now, not only am I holding back tears, but I'm sweating bullets and I can barely breathe.  And P is alternately lying on the floor screaming or running away screaming.  Someone helped me get everything to a bench and I strapped him back in and I'm yelling, "I need that pillow and sippy cup!!!!"  Get him settled, realize boarding passes disappeared.  Nice Security guy saw me frantically searching and deduced the ones they had just found must be mine. 

At this point I need a drink.  Or at least some f'ing coffee.  Nope.  Our gate is the first one (actually a relief - pulling that carry-on and him was rough!) and it's 15 minutes to board time at this point.  It took AN HOUR to check in and get through security. 

I stopped across from the gate and bought a ton of chocolate milk, juice, and beverages for me.  I had snacks packed.  Went to the gate, let the monster out of the cage - and he immediately charmed everyone.  Of course.  I changed him right there - the 2 women seated there were fine with it - and within minutes we were boarding.  One of the women, Kathy (bless this woman!!!) dealt with the carry-on/carseat combo and I wrestled P and the other 2 bags.  Once we got to the plane I unstrapped and this saint of a woman carried both down the aisle while I carried a now freaking out P to our aisle. 

Where I had to figure out how to strap in the carseat.  I finally finagled it and a woman comes up and I realize this poor woman is supposed to be in the window seat.  Which is completely inaccessible thanks to the carseat.  Thankfully, not a full flight, so she just moved up a row.  Strap unruly child back in and for the first time ALL DAY kind of relax. 

The flight was the easy part.  As was getting off (with flight staff assistance) and to baggage claim where P happily played chase with a couple other "freed" toddlers from the flight.  My roomie, Holly, was a saint with him and it was a breeze.  You would never have known that this was the same kid from the morning.  Unless you looked at me.  And then you could tell.

I never want to do that again.  Not alone.  Not pregnant.  Not with so much shit.  NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

Anyway, we made it.  We're safe.  My body hates me.  I have been contracting like mad, but nothing painful and if I put my feet up they go away.  Good thing they don't scare me anymore! 

Now that I have a living room to escape into after P goes to sleep, I hope to be on here more.  And with any luck actually read some of what y'all are up to!