Eavesdropping

I am unabashedly stealing this idea from Junebug, LOL.

Conversations heard 'round these parts recently:

Hubby: How do you get an upset baby to calm down? Stick a nipple in his mouth. How do you get an upset man to calm down?
Me: Same thing.

H: Why did you order all these burp cloths, honey?
M: They aren't burp cloths, they are diapers.
H:  No, they are burp cloths.
M: Nope, diapers.
H: *puzzled look*

Nana and I discussing the size of P's hands and feet (they are large for his size)
Aunt: Well, how tall is Hubby?
N&I: blank looks
N: What does that have to do with it?
A: What do you....oh, right.

Shorte the neighbor: Oh, my God your kid is hung!
M: I wouldn't know on a baby.
S: Trust me, he is.  From now on I shall call him "Porn Star."

H: Can we legally change P's name?
M: To what?
H: Phelan "Peanut" Shel
M: *LMAO*

H: What do I do with the poopy diapers?
M: Put them in the bag with the others.
H: That's just wrong.

Cousin: Did you know that babies learn their Mommy's voice in the womb? (she is 10)
M: Yes, I did.
C: Do you know how to do baby CPR?
M: I need a refresher, I was trained at one point.
C: I have a babysitting book with all kinds of tips and how to do it.  I can loan it to you!
M: Why, thank you!
C: When did he eat last?
M: Almost 3 hours ago.
C: Oh, I think you should feed him now, then.
M: I think so, too.

X-Ray Tech: Any chance you are pregnant?
M: *laughs* No, doesn't happen without medical intervention.
X: Well, when was your last period.
M: Umm, last May, as in last year.
X: *silence*
*I will explain this more Friday in the leftovers, but nothing serious, I promise!

Dad: You know what a transistor is?
M: Umm, something to do with a radio?
D: *shakes head in disappointment*
M: What?
D: It's a nun with a sex change.  hahahaha (he came up with this all on his own)

Have a good day!!!

30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge: Day 4

4.Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?

Father's Day.  I wanted Hubby to have his day.  Hallmark holiday or not...

Holidays with family are stressful regardless, but no more so just because of being a holiday. It's the ones that remind you of what I didn't have.  They still rather annoy me because of the sense of entitlement they provide.  Sometimes it is bittersweet.  And now I think of all my friends who are still waiting...

30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge: Day 3

3.When talking to your fertile parenting friends, what is/was your favorite “perk” of childlessness to rub in their face? Sleeping in? Vacations? Hot pre-pregnancy body? Come on, confess!

For the most part, I didn't do any of that...they complained, I was either sympathetic (before wanting children), and envious after wanting and waiting.

However, after our diagnosis, I lost weight, and was at my thinnest.  I took to joking.  Such as, "The good thing is I will always be able to keep my girlish figure!"  Things like that.  So, I guess, hot preprego body.

I am too nice to boast about stuff like that.  About my amazing Hubby and baby?  No problem.  Your baby screams?  Mine is AMAZING!

Kidding, I really am too nice for that.  Though I know I boast about some things.

A Little Support

I have a dear IRL friend who has been dealing with Endo and PCOS for over a decade.  She has been TTC for a couple of years now, and is really just starting to dive into treatments.

Last night she began a blog, and could use all the support we can give her.

So, please, take a moment and head over to see Stephanie at her brand new site and get to know her.  Thanks, you guys!

Let's show her how amazing our community can be!!!

30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge: Day 2

Discuss the most ridiculous thing you ever heard about conception. Where did you hear it? Did it work for someone else? Did you try it?


I think what we heard the most was to GET DRUNK.  Well, hell, if that did it, I'd be a mom a hundred times over!


Some other favorites:

• Keep your legs up for 30 minutes after sex (from a DOCTOR!!!) - incidentally, the rest of her advice was accurate.
• Doggy style.  Works every time.  You didn't know?

Actually, that's about it, other than the usual "Relax", "Stop thinking about it" and "Adopt".

I am kind of amazed since we were openly trying, and I was incredibly verbal about it.  Can't believe we didn't get more.  Maybe I have simply blocked the assvice out of my memory banks...That actually makes more sense.

Did I try it?  Hmmm, I did try the legs up thing.  Until I feared a massive UTI.  Which, by the way, I got anyway.  Bastard.  

Doggy style?  No more than usual ;-)

Get drunk?  As often as possible.  Oh, you mean combined with sex?  Not often, honestly.  During that time frame, if I got drunk, I was too drunk to make THE SEX.  

Did it work for someone else?  Apparently doggy style drunk was a good combo for a friend of mine who tried for 15 years.  15 freaking years.  She also asked the spirit of her grandmother for help.  And that's when she got pregnant.  So take your pick.

30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge: Day 1

A fellow blogger created the Infertility 30-Day Blog Challenge.  I haven't done one yet, and thought I would give this one a shot.  Beat me if I am missing a day!!!


1.How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?
2.Discuss the most ridiculous thing you ever heard about conception. Where did you hear it? Did it work for someone else? Did you try it?
3.When talking to your fertile parenting friends, what is/was your favorite “perk” of childlessness to rub in their face? Sleeping in? Vacations? Hot pre-pregnancy body? Come on, confess!
4.Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?
5.Write a letter (one that you never have to send) to a fertile in your life. Did they hurt you? Support you? Tell them how you feel, all the things you can’t bring yourself to say in person.
6.Discuss how you found your way into the ALI community, and what being part of it has meant to you – good and bad.
7.If you had gotten pregnant that first month you started trying, how would you have been a different parent? What changes have you made to your parenting style (either current or future) in the time you spent trying to conceive?
8.Share a recipe for your favorite alcoholic drink (or, if you don’t drink, it can be non-alcoholic but make it fun!), and your favorite comfort and/or post-bfn food.
9.What was the first baby or pregnancy-related purchase you ever made? Was it before or after you started trying to conceive? Or was it after you were already pregnant?  Why did you choose that particular item to buy first? If you haven’t purchased anything yet, why not?
10.Other than the song “I Would Die For That,” post a video of a song that has special meaning to you and your infertility journey. Explain it, if you’re comfortable doing so.
11.Post your favorite pre-ttc picture of yourself. Why is it your favorite? If possible, talk about that day/moment.
12.Talk about how you chose your RE.
13.Post the list of potential baby names that you seriously considered, but can no longer use because someone stole it/it became too popular/whatever reason.
14.If a very observant stranger were to walk into your house, what clues could lead them to believe that you have struggled with infertility?
15.If you are not yet pregnant/a parent: What are you MOST and LEAST looking forward to after that first beta? If you are already pregnant/a parent: What was the most pleasant/unpleasant thing about pregnancy? If you have taken the childfree path: What pregnancy symptom are you happy to have avoided, and which one do you wish you’d experienced?
16.If you are not yet a parent: What are you MOST looking forward to about parenthood? If you are a parent: What is the most surprising thing about being a parent? If you have taken the childfree path: What is the most surprising part of living childfree after infertility?
17.Tell us your funniest Clomid/Femara/Injectibles mood-swing story. If you don’t have one, tell us your funniest general infertility drug story.
18.Tell us about a pre-ttc pregnancy “scare.” With your current partner, or with an ex.
19.What tv show/movie/commercial/print ad has bothered you the most since you began trying to conceive? If possible, post it here. Tell us why it bothered you so much.
20.Have you ever bonded with someone IRL over infertility, even just for a few minutes? It could be a family member, friend, neighbor, or even the clerk at the grocery store who noticed your OPK and vitamin purchase. Tell the story.
21.What is your favorite infertility-related quote? It doesn’t have to be explicitly related to infertility, but one that means something to your personal journey.
22.Were you the product of infertility? Was anyone you know the product of infertility? How do you know? Or do you just suspect based on circumstances like age differences between siblings, time between marriage and conception, etc.
23.Does your religion (or lack of) help/hurt/affect your infertility journey? Have you found religion? Lost it? Does it affect what treatments you do?
24.How has your financial situation affected your infertility journey?
25.Talk about a time when you made someone in your life understand more about infertility.
26.What do you use the “nursery” for right now? If you already had a baby, what did you use it for before pregnancy?
27.If you had known that you would have trouble conceiving, what would you have done differently in life? If you already knew, did that knowledge affect your other life choices?
28.Have you ever done something “non-traditional” in order to help you conceive?
29.Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility.
30.After a month of infertility talk, we need a distraction. Give us a link to one of your favorite non-infertility-sites, or tell us about your favorite distraction activity/book/feel-good movie.


Day 1: How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?


When Hubby and I first started dating we were employing the very safe method of contraception known as PULLING OUT.  I was late the next month.  I hadn't tracked my cycle for about 4 years at the time(not terribly necessary when married to a woman, LOL) and didn't realize that was normal for me.  So, I said, "What if?"  And he said, well, if it happens, it happens.  


We ended up deciding to wait...it was too early yet.  But once we decided to get married, we decided to start trying a couple months later. I was 30, and he would be the day before the wedding.  In other words, the biological clock was tick-tick-ticking.  I worked at a school-year camp, and if I could manage to be pregnant by September, I would have a built-in maternity leave.  Plus, as our wedding was in September, we thought it would be an awesome announcement to make at the reception.  I even had a way picked out to tell everyone.  It was the only time we knew that our whole family would ever be all in one place.  Alas, it was not meant to be...

Friday Night Leftovers: Stream of Consciousness

I lie awake at night making sure P is asleep, or when he is nursing, and write posts in my head and then promptly forget them the next morning.  They tend to jump from one thing to another in what is a logical fashion for me.  Let's see if I can kinda recreate some of it.

• The roomies will have all their stuff out by the 16th.  Woohoo!  
• This is good because Hubby's mom is coming!  She has to do some work in NY and is going to spend the weekend of the 22nd with us!  *does a little jig* She will be the first of his family to meet P!
• Which means I need to CLEAN.  Thus, it's a good thing for 2 bullets above.
• It also means I need to figure out a way to get off that Saturday...
• ...and speaking of work, I haven't heard from that other job yet.  And I'm trying now to get more hours at work given our new situation...
• ...and speaking of THAT, Hubby applied for unemployment, because apparently it is a rumor that if you are an independent contractor you can't apply.  *Fingers crossed*
• Cuz you know, paying rent is a good thing.  And other stuff.  
• Like daycare..do we keep it or toss it?  I have an FSA for daycare - if I take him out, I have to cancel that, and can't get it back until open enrollment.  I am of the opinion that it's too early to make that decision.
• But I HAVE made the decision to purchase a new pump with some of the funds sent by FIL for baby gates (the leftover)...my nipples feel like I've never BF before.  Cracks, bleeding, PAIN.  Time to try something different.  
• So if you heard a yell this morning, that was me when P latched on.  I get off on getting piercings and tattoos...this IS NOT THE SAME.  I now get why people have a hard time adjusting.
• But we got P weaned off of formula at home...well, mostly.  I am willingly topping off his evening meal with 2oz of formula to encourage a sleepy baby.  Some nights I even get nearly 4 hours straight out of him!  In his cradle!  
• I don't feel guilty.  He is still more than 50% on BM - probably closer to 75%, at the minimum.  
• Speaking of BBs, I still haven't popped the postpartum cherry.  Though, after a few drinks Monday I DID ask the neighbor if he would get his daughter to babysit so we could.  LOL.
• Have any of you thought about explaining safe sex to a child conceived in a petri dish?  "Well honey, when a man loves a woman..."  "But mommy, that's not how I was made."  "...."  Hmmm, time to order those cool books for kids of ART. And reference a biology book so I don't fuck up the facts.  You know, since I can't imagine how it actually works that way.
• Which made me think that a great re-name for my blog would be "Out Of The Petri Dish, Into The Fire.  Tagline: From Infertility to Parenthood "  Bahahaha, crack myself up!  And if any of you steal that, I will hunt you down!  Because I still may use it for something!  Too bad I would be terrible at writing a book.  
• And with that, I have written plenty.  Ciao!  Enjoy the holiday weekend!