Life in the NICU is all about numbers. Daily weight checks, regular temperature checks, how many mls of milk he gets, how many I pump, if he desats or bradys. You get the idea. It's infuriating. But this week has had so many of them, I thought I'd give you an idea of my week by the numbers.
I said Saturday, "You can't be born on freaking Star Wars Day. I forbid it.": At least 10
I said, "So much for not being born on Star Wars Day.": 2
I said, "I can FEEL that!" during surgery.": at least 5
they said, "Really? You can feel that?": 2
the Anesthesiologist pinched me to make sure what the doc was doing didn't hurt as much: 1
I said, "Fuck you!" to a nurse: 1
I apologized to said nurse: 1
I had panic attacks: 2
I cried uncontrollably: 4???
I felt guilty for having to split my time between my boys: still counting
Finn peed on medical staff: 2, including right as they were pulling him out of me.
Finn desat'd or brady'd: I think we are at 5 or 6 now. His HR is low - he is super chill and tends to zonk out and forget to breathe.
Finn nursed today on demand: 4
I've been annoyed at my shit supply (again): 417 or so
I've called Finn Phelan: 4
I've told the story about my toddler putting me into labor: 10-20 - it's become the story of the week
I've looked at Finn trying to figure out who the hell he looks like: 3042, give or take
Hubby has held Finn: 1 - juggling childcare makes it hard. He will see him again tomorrow.
Number of times I pump a day: 8 or so
Amount of milk I get: 20-30ml each session
Number of staples holding my gut together: 25!!! The incision is bigger this time
Days I waited after release to drive: 0
Weeks early Finn is: 5 weeks 3 days
Possible UTI from catheter: 1
Hours I sleep at a time: 1
Finn's weight at birth: 5lbs 13oz (he would have been 8lbs easy)
Ounces he's lost: 5
Weight gained back: 0 as of right now but not losing, so that's good.
Photos my phone is holding captive that I really want: 1
Weight I GAINED in the hospital: 5 lbs
Chairs P colored on with crayon (which I didn't know was possible): 2
So...that's a little bit of a breakdown of my week. Kind of. Mostly for posterity.