Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Friday, September 21, 2012

Mom: I heard through the FB grapevine that your breakdown last week was due to a pregnancy announcement.
Me: Well, multiple, but yes.
Mom:  Well, your sister is pregnant.  You can choose to handle it gratiously...

And that's one of the last things I remember.

I remember taking extra pills.  I remember carving into my arm.  I remember downing 2 tumblers of wine. I remember manically cleaning the bathroom.  My best friend had just arrived.  I was banging around.  I got on FB and started deleting all family members of any sort from my friend list since one of them had obviously blabbed.  My husband panicked and called my mother over.  I told Hubby he might as well just take me to Horsham after he said something...no recollection of what it might have been.

My mom tailed me around the apartment.  I told her off repeatedly.  She wouldn't leave me alone.

I packed a bag and insisted I be taken to the hospital.  We went into the crisis center but once they found out I had OD'd again I was moved to the ER.  The next 8 hours or so in the ER are a total blur.  Horsham wouldn't take me until I was coherent.  Apparently I was a horrid patient.  Not entirely surprising.  I was heavily self-medicated, angry, upset...I am a mean, mean drunk when I drink to self-medicate.

I made it 3 weeks exactly.  21 days.  21 days in normal life.  I spent a week "on the inside" this time.  I suppose I have more stories to tell.  Though I'm finding it a more difficult transition this time.  Today was my 3rd full day home.  It took me this long to get on here and post at least this much.  I promise - I PROMISE - that I will tell you more.

Until then, hug the ones you love.  Count your blessings.