Recently the universe bitch-slapped me upside the head, Gibbs-style. It said, "Woman, don't you ever doubt my power again. Don't stop believing. I am an uncontrollable force with which to be reckoned. Bow to me."
But let me back up a little.
What was it that set me over the edge? Pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement? Yup. Facing up to the raw facts of IF again at a time when ALL I wanted was the ability to have a sibling for P, when everything in the world seemed to be against us. Sadly, friends who I had been pregnant with last time, even my IF sisters for whom I am so happy, even their announcements were difficult because I ... well, I was fragile and not remotely able to see any of this logically.
IF will always be a bitch. I hate that bitch. And I was desperately hating my other silent illness (mental illness) which was putting a rather large monkey wrench in our ability to move forward with Miracle #2. But at least that was something I could do something to fight. Some days I lose that battle, but more and more, I am winning.
But it seems I am winning the other battle as well...because we are in need of this shirt for P (big thanks to my forner cycle buddy Nichole and her Hubby for the shirt!!!):
Yup. Yeah. Not kidding. Grasshopper will be arriving no later than early June 2013. I am 6w5d today.
The story: Friday Oct 12 I was starting to wonder if AF was going to arrive this month, and was rather pissed that she was absent, just because it was becoming so hard to know whether to pack tampons or not! I did a little quick research that morning and found that one of my meds could cause dysmenorrhea, so I figured that was it. But given my inability to give up that sliver of hope, I stopped by the $Store for a couple cheapies on my way to Group.
I even joked in group that I was going to take the tests ha ha.
So, between Group and our walk, I went into the bathroom and peed on one. And it IMMEDIATELY came up with a very dark second line. And I said, to myself, "Ummm." So, I breathlessly told a couple of people on the walk because I was flabbergasted, though mostly what I said was , "What??!" Yeah, denial. So I went back to the clinic and peed on the 2nd one. Same result. Okay, maybe this is right. And then drove to RiteAid, bought a double pack of FRERs, and used the bathroom. And, those both immediately came up with that unmistakeable 2nd line.
Maybe this was real? Apparently I thought so, because I went off my meds cold turkey that day.
That night was when the sweats and chills started. And continued. Along with diarrhea and nausea, but no fever. Withdrawal it turns out was not going to just happen. We ended up in the ER Sunday morning, got some fluids in me, a stern admonition to never try that again and go back on the meds for now...and an ultrasound :-) The doctor practically handed it to us on a plate, having heard our story. And I was *just* far enough along for the tech to detect a heartbeat. Yay!
You know the crazy thing? My friend over at A Little Bit Of Life tested positive a few weeks ago after almost filling her brand new script of Clomid for their first attempt at #2. And the same Friday I got a BFP surprise, so did my friend at Venting Vagina - who has twin boys from numerous IVF/FET treatments. AND a friend on Twitter tested positive as well at our prompting. LOL. Something is in the air this fall my dears!!!
I am paranoid this time around. I have seen too much bad. So this time, we are doing the 12 week bloodwork and NT scan. Same as last time, not finding out sex, so DON'T ASK! 1st OB appointment is November 5th. 15 days...not that I'm counting or anything o_O.
Welcome to my uterus, Grasshopper.