Wenesday Whatever

I am a lousy blogger these days.  I am exhausted!  I sleep when P sleeps.  Naps, early bedtime.  Grasshopper is telling me who is boss!

I am 10w1d today.  We got to see Grasshopper last week at our first OB appointment.  Not much was discussed - the usual first appointment bull.  Grasshopper was measuring 5 days ahead with a hb of 147, so all looks well, and given my symptoms, growing still.  Luckily, morning sickness is a random occurrence.  Thank goodness after last time!

One thing that will have to come up is the question of a VBAC.  I really want this to be possible.  Hoping for no complications this time around.  We talked about the plethora of prenatal testing now available, and have decided on the basic NT scan.  They recommend an amnio at my age (I am now of "advanced maternal age
" - how I hate that term!) but I can't see us doing it.

A decision regarding my meds is on hold until later in the pregnancy.  I hate that I have to choose bipolar meds vs. breastfeeding.  We're going to aim for a compromise, I think.  As for weight gain, that prickly issue - I've put on 10+ lbs already.  Ugh.

P is at 19.5 months 31lbs, 31" tall.  He has thinned out so much!  And communication with him is becoming easier and easier.  Sometimes he even listens!  His comprehension grows day by day, and it remains incredible as ever to see.

The holidays are quickly approaching, and I'm dreading this in a bad bad way given the family feud still (quietly) in progress.  Things are quite obviously at a stand still.  I've sent P updates to both my dad and Littlest with absolutely no response, so apparently I've been written off.

I'm still quite stressed thinking of us in this tiny apartment with a 4th human added, but try my damndest to not think too much about it.  At least not until we can catch up some.  It's a very frustrating situation and with my hormones all willy nilly I get quite riled up.  I worry a lot about me handling a 2nd child.  Especially in this dinky space where I have no space of my own, nowhere to escape.  And I'm having a hard time letting Hubby close - things are pretty dry around here.  I just can't seem to let the stress aside to have couple time. It's a serious struggle.  And it's badly affecting us.  I am at a loss right now.  I really am.  *Sigh*

I am trying to deal with lost paperwork leading to being denied SSDI, Hubby's job requiring an update of our welfare information, playing phone tag with the case manager person.... I am so sick of having to deal with this crap.  I wish I could just WORK like a normal person.

Enough of that, though.  I was in a fairly good mood before opening this to write and play catch up.  Gotta shake it off and salvage the afternoon.  I think that's another reason I haven't written much lately.  I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I just feel like we have so much on our plates that I am going to overload.

Perhaps I will delve more into that soon.  It's not as though my illness and treatment all of a sudden became irrelevant when I became pregnant.  Not so much.

Until then, though, stay warm and safe and happy if you can :-)