Sunday, April 13, 2014

Tears Of Frustration

Raising Phelan is turning out to be the most difficult thing I've done in my life. Some days I don't know what to do. Yesterday he at NOTHING. He had some milk and pediasure and "juice" but that's it. He fought bedtime despite the melatonin and was crying that he was hungry, but wouldn't eat anything. I was in tears. I don't know how to fix things like that. He WILL NOT EAT. I think it's time to seek therapy for the eating issues. The pedi is not worried, but I sure as hell am.

He has nightmares and night terrors. Those are the worst thing ever. All you can do is hold them and hope it's over soon. I dread bedtime. The worst of them tend to occur within an hour of him going to sleep and then we have to start the whole process alllll over. It's heartbreaking.

And I really fear he's going to be 4 before he agrees to potty train. Everyone tells me he won't go to Kindergarten in diapers, but I'm not so sure about that. He simply refuses.

This child is going to be the death of me. I love him to pieces, but he wins, hands down. I'm along for the ride. I can't even imagine what the teenage years will be like. OMG.


  1. Hugs! I am sorry you are so frustrated. A thought on the eating. It could be a feeding issue but it could also be a strong willed toddler with a power struggle. Eating is one of the only things they have control over and it may be that the solution is to pretend it doesn't bother you and ignore the eating entirely.
    My son had terrible night terrors until he was 3/3.5. They do grow out of it and I promise you they don't know it's happening. I found that they were worse when he was overtired. I know it's hard with P fighting bedtime, but if you can get him in bed early you may notice an improvement. Also, if he has them around the same time each night, it can help to wake him up before it happens. If you get them before they're upset, sometimes the going back to sleep is a little easier.

    I promise you potty training will come when he is ready and willing. My twins were 3.5. At 3 they were still very resistant and no amount of incentive could motivate them! Headstrong toddler/preschoolers are difficult but I bet this means he will be successful and driven later :)

  2. Do repeat to yourself THIS IS JUST A PHASE. A very difficult one, not many go through it, but it will get better. George had been through something similar. It finally got better when he started eating lunch in the kindergarten, with thr other children. He still is not eating as the other children, and his weight is something that makes my heart stop sometimes. But overall, it has gotten better. I aged three years in one when that was going on.
    The potty training - most boys are ready for that after around three years of age, plus minus something. Some may be trained earlier, but they have so many accidents, it defies the definition of toilet trained. I know it is hard to accept, but you have to just wait and work with him, not just try to impose, because you won't succeed, and it will make everything worse. I know because I have been there. I know it is hard, and you can't see the end of it when right in the middle of the entire awful business, but retrospectively, I wish I had more faith in myself anf in George than I actually had. It is hard to do that when almost everyone around has better behaved children, who do things the "normal" way. But they are not raising your son, you are, so find your own way.
    The best bit of advice I had gotten was to work WITH my child, and this is what i am passing on. It is not easy, zen attitude is so not me, but it is loads easier when you are on his side, not on the side of those who say he should do that and the other. It will happen. Everything will happen, when he is good and ready. If not, then he will make good money out of touring as the only person in the world who is not toilet trained. :-) Really, it WILL happen. The harder you fight, the harder he fights back. When you relax, he does the same, and things move along. It takes the entire patience reserve you have to raise such a child. But you can do it. Good luck!

  3. Gah, I had this long comment who got fucking lost!
    So, short comment instead.
    Do not fight him, the harder you fight him, the harder he fights back. It will happen, when he is good and ready. The eating thing is a phase, a very hard one, but it gets better. For George it did when he started eating lunch with the other children at the kindergarten. It is easier to toilet trian boys around three years of age, plus minus some months. Unless there is a medical problem, they ALL learn eventually. From what you say, P ha no medical problem, unless you call strong will one. :-)
    The comment above is spot on.
    It is so hard to relax and not worry. But I can promise you that things will not remain as they are, progress will happen, and you will leave to tell other parents that they should relax a bit more. :-)
    That said, dig out your entire reserve of patience. Or at least fake it very well. It will get better. Can't say when, but I am sure it will. You will see. I have faith in you. Good luck.


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