What a Week

Monday our sitter gave us a week's notice. One week. You have to understand that we were paying DIRT CHEAP for child care. And we are still really tight on money. So losing her was a panic-inducing blow. To say we were scrambling was an understatment. Assuming we could find a similar situation, most people don't deal with our late pick up (7pm some days), and no childcare facility will. We were on the waitlist for subsidized childcare through the state, but no idea when that would come through.

I was talking to my one boss, with whom I have become friends, and she was so upset at me maybe needing to quit to work for a facility where I can bring the kids for free. Though she understood. We were trying every avenue we could think of.

It turns out that Tuesday night after our meeting my friend went to the director and area director and said to them that they couldn't afford to lose me and they needed to figure something out. They went to the owner.

The next day I found out that they worked out a way for both kids to come to work with me and attend the school without much more cost to me than we had been paying, and it's for 5 days a week, not 3. I cried. My director told me I'm worth it and that they cherish me as a teacher. I cried again.

I've found a community at this job. I feel wanted at this job. And now my kids get to be social. Phelan needs it especially. He's going to have a harder transition than Finn, though Finn had a rough day yesterday.

So that worry was over but then I was worrying about them being in school what with eating issues and Phelan's issues with structure when he's always just free played. Can't win for losing, right?

We've decided to put Phelan in the class just below him, the older 2yo, because it's slightly less structured and has more potty training abilities, to help him transition into going to school. After summer he will move up to the preschool class.

Finn is going into the Toddler class. Young Toddlers, though really it's just one class right now. He is the youngest, and not walking yet. So I think he was overwhelmed  by the rough and tumble of the other kids. But he'll get there. In Older Infants he was king of the roost and had a blast. But he might as well get used to being in a toddler classroom as he'll be walking soon.

I've been given a great opportunity here. To be able to put my kids into a school that they never would have been able to attend. And I can check in on them during the day. I sneak, though, because they still melt down if they see me and then I leave again.

So, a new chapter in our lives. My kids are in school!

Sorry

Sorry for that last negative post. I was so frustrated. Am frustrated. It just feels like we never get ahead and it gets old. And exhausting. I was whining, though. I wouldn't want to read outright whining. So I apologize.

$50

This week I had a whopping $50 to buy groceries. $50. 4 people. Do the math.

Anxiety Full Speed Ahead

Sunday I had a panic attack that had me calling Hubby at work and begging him to come home. Usually if it's a little anxiety I can handle it. This was full blown. I ended up having the neighbor come over and he watched the kids until Hubby could come home. I was a disaster. Monday morning I woke up feeling very discombobulated. I managed to make it to work, but I was seeing double, and kept bumping into the curb driving. My boss sent me home, with a promise to tell her I made it safely. I went to the doctor, and he came close to ordering a CT but opted for bloodwork instead. Now I'm waiting to hear back on it. And I'm off work again. 2 days. I'm still super edgy and at the same time all I want to do is lie in bed. I just saw the psychiatrist a few weeks ago and we kept my meds where they were. I'm wondering if it's time for a change. I'm missing blocks of time from Sunday and yesterday. Like blank spots in the day that I just can't remember. I tried to do laundry that I'd already done. It scared the shit out of me.

Maybe I should switch to decaf.

Happy Birthday Finn!!!

A year ago today Phelan flopped on my large pregnant belly, tore the placenta, and less than 12 hours later Finn was here. We survived 12 days in the NICU, and Finn has been getting beat up by his brother for a year now. And I'm still breastfeeding. In 2 days I will have been breastfeeding for a year!!!  Woohoo!  And let me tell you, he shows no signs of stopping any time soon.

Finn is a happy, daredevil child. Laid back. We are so lucky. I love this child.  He is starting to stand independently, will be on whole milk starting tomorrow, and we are working on transitioning to sippy cups.  We're also working on him feeding himself more table foods. He seems to be having texture issues. I think. Or he's lazy, LOL. He's about 20lbs, don't know how tall. I will know that tomorrow at his 1 year well check. He doesn't sleep through the night, but neither does his big brother, so this is nothing new in our world. Mama has adjusted.

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Happy Birthday, Finnegan!!!