A Few Pics

I haven't posted pics of the boys in FOREVER, so here are some from the last week!

Mama and Phelan selfie. He thinks selfies are good fun.

See? Selfies are fun!

Mama, I want the phone! Screw the selfie!

Haha! I found Phelan's birthday cake! So much for waiting until a year old!

What is this face paint shit?

Breastfeeding still going strong. A lot of gymnurstics these days.

My Baby is 3

Phelan turned 3 on Thursday with very little fanfare.  He even turned down the french fries and chocolate shake I bought him. Stinker. But then, he's been stubborn since conception. And as time goes on that just gets stronger and stronger. He is very much his own person, and his will is unbendable. He may be the death of my sanity. And my furniture and carpets.

We celebrated Saturday by taking him to the Trampoline park, which was an epic fail. He freaked the moment it was time to jump. And Sunday had our friends over for some cake and singing. Low key. I'm just not the mom to put on a huge party he will barely remember and is still struggling with the concept of. I told him it was his birthday, and he said "Happy Birthday" to me. And to anyone who would listen. So, there's that. He knows that birthdays are happy though.

He still isn't potty trained but we are making strides. I need more alcohol. And a steam spot cleaner for my now pee soaked furniture and floors. He KNOWS how to go. He KNOWS when he needs to go. He just can't be bothered. It takes away from what he's doing. I'm not sure how to overcome that. He does like wearing underwear, though. Bonus points?

He has a renewed interest in all things Signing Time, so I'm hoping to get more videos. I want Finn exposed as well. He gets so into them. I love it. And I'm learning more as well.

I can't call him a toddler anymore. He's 3. He's a preschooler. He's a little boy. Who's learning and growing and becoming more and more his own person every day. He's growing up. He wants a BIKE. I'm not ready for that! Potty, then bike. There should be some sort of order to these things.

3 years has gone by so quickly, and yet seems like a lifetime. His lifetime. I barely remember life without him.

I'm A Believer

Finn has been wicked fussy this week. Thursday night it was particularly bad. Really rough night. Friday morning I stuck my finger in his mouth on a hunch. Sure enough, teeth. As in multiple. Both bottom teeth coming through together. And I feel bumps on his upper gums, so I think the top 2 are close behind. Go big or go home, right?

Anyway, I gave him Tylenol, put orajel on, gave him teething rings, a cold washcloth. NOTHING. WORKED. I then remembered his amber necklace was off (he pulls it off) so I put it back on. Within a couple hours, happy baby.

I haven't had to give meds again or anything.

I am a total believer now. Completely.

Conversations with Phelan

P: Mommy, where's my Water Wo?
M: Your what?
P: My Water Wo.
M: What's a Water Wo?
P: What's a Water Wo?
P: Oh, no! My Water Wo!
M: Can you show me?
P: Can me show you?
M: Can you?
P: Can you?
M: Show me.
P: Let's find my Water Wo! Let's go!
M: Okay, let's look.

Looking commences

M: Do you see it?
P: Yes!
M: Where?
P: Where?

I finally figured out what he was talking about, by the way. Thank goodness. That conversation was making me batty.

Ass, Bitten

My mother used to share this story about a day when I was a baby and I wouldn't stop crying. She fed me, she changed me, she rocked me. She tried EVERYTHING and I just couldn't be appeased. She laid me on the bed for a moment, and as I lay there crying she said, "What do you WANT?"

Flash forward 36 years. My son is having a meltdown of sorts. He is very upset. I'm trying to appease him. Out of his mouth comes, "What do you WANT?" Along with "Go to your room NOW."

I have become my mother, and my son likes to point it out to me. Obviously.

My mother is laughing somewhere, because like all moms she just knows things. So she must know that I'm now raising a child just like myself. And this is retribution. I know she's laughing. I know it.

My own words have come back to bite me in the ass. I'm raising another version of myself. My mother is definitely laughing.

Better

Hopping on to alleviate fears. I am MUCH better. I don't know what caused those several days of hell, but I feel like me again. Just the usual levels of anxiety and exhaustion, which I'm used to. Thank goodness. That was scary.

Bad Times

I have hit a low point.  As low as just before I found out I was pregnant with Finn.  I haven't been this bad in that long.  And it hit like a ton of bricks.  I don't know how to get past it except breathe and take each moment as it comes.  The panic is overwhelming.  The sadness breathtaking.  It's like all of a sudden the meds just STOPPED WORKING.

I know one trigger is that the new job has been delayed in starting and therefore I'm not getting the income I planned on so now money is on the table again.  Money does it every time.  But this time is really bad.  Scary bad.

I just had to go to the bathroom at work and cry.  Oy. That's been a while. How long do I put up with it until I call the psychiatrist?